LAgirl

She's young and so beautiful, strangers stop her on the street to tell her how beautiful she is. She is married but having serious problems with her husband now. She and my BF have been "friends" since before he and I met. But he always remembers her birthday and their "walks" together. He stays in contact via phone and texts. When ever she changes jobs, he knows where she works. Now, she's a hostess at a very swank restaurant by the ocean. He can't afford it, but he has driven there to see her without telling me, until later on he will mention casually that she's putting on weight.

I'm sure if my BF were rich, she would be his. I asked him if he loves her. He wouldn't answer. If he said yes, It wouldn't bother me bc he can have friends that he loves whether they are male or female. But, he can't be open and honest with me about her.

My BF and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. He says I'm wonderful and that he loves me. He also said recently that it's possible he might meet someone he would be interested in dating.

Should I be worried?

I'm very confused these days about him.

My friend is a Dad with an 8 year old daughter.

I know that courts normally do not order supervised contact if they feel there is no concern for safety.

HOWEVER... often courts make reckless, rash, unfairly biased decisions, and listen to false allegations about another parent, and then impose supervised contact onto that parent, who in actuality did NOTHING wrong. He can only see his daughter in a supervised contact center, which is inhumane and utterly destructive to any child. Yet it happens far too often.

This Dad is been under supervision for almost 3 years under false allegations. Whenever there is a hearing, the attorneys stick to the lies with no basis on fact. Minor's counsel says the same thing over and over "not in best interest of child" when she has not once seen daughter and Dad interact together. And the commissioner continues to side with them off record. All they do is "meet in chambers".

How can Dad get a fair trial? How can he stop being punished for no crime? Is it true that government officials rather say no than admit they are wrong? Where is the compassion for a little girl who misses her Daddy?

Please help!

My BF needs help! He has an 8 year old Daughter. Minor's counsel is friends with the Mother. Minor's counsel is not married but collects government money to take care of foster children. My BF can only see his daughter one or two hours per week. When the child wants more time with her dad, the mom says no, he's bad, crazy, etc. The Mom has more influence and control and opportunity to alienate her from her Dad.

At every court hearing she says the the commissioner that is is not best interest for the child to lift supervised visitation even though the Dad went to parenting classes, counseling and has a healthy, loving bond with his daughter. Minor's counsel has not once asked the little girl what she wants.

My BF can afford only one attorney. So, every hearing, it's 2 attorneys against one. The Mom sold her house, lives on welfare and SDI and has spent $250,000 on high power attorneys and lies. She has even delayed putting the Dad on the birth certificate for 7 years. Yet, the girl and mother lives in a one-bedroom converted garage. The visitation is confined to one room in a center which the little girl HATES to be in and has been going on for 3 years.

Please help a Dad who wants equal rights to be with his daughter.

Signed,

Horrified in Southern California

Sex with women is like a sport to this guy. To see if he can, like climbing a mountain or something. We dated over a year ago, we broke up but we stayed friends. He found someone else. Eventually, I moved on too and I'm in a new relationship with a great guy. Then lately, my old BF started texting me. Telling me he still thinks about me, loves me very much, how much fun we had together, that he could never let me go (in his heart). I was kinda surprised. He wanted to sleep with me again. I said no, I have a BF which he had known for months. After this "confession" I opened his profile on facebook and saw he was "in a relationship" status. I asked him point blank if he had a GF he said no. His relationship was "history" and he never bothered to change his status back to "single" Late one night, I text him that I miss him, and he was with his girlfriend when he got the text. And all hell broke loose. He told his GF to call me and we talked. She said he cheated on her in the past. I had no idea. I told him later, WTF??? Why did you lie? He said, because he's getting older and he wanted to know if he can still score.

How pathetic is that? Now he'll lose this woman he really loves because of vanity?

I don't get it. He really had me going. I can't even be his friend anymore. Do I feel stupid.

Please share your thoughts on this. Thanks.

His explanation was, "because I want children and a younger woman could give me one." I asked, "so, if something happens to your daughter, are you gonna dump me?" Way to feel special. I didn't care what he said to that.

Does it mean he's desperate? Does it mean he's using me? Because I feel more pressure to be with him than loved. He's rushing everything. He hasn't proposed, but we've gone to couples class, met our families, he asked me to move in 3 times ( I said no ). I asked him why does he love me and he responded "I dunno". I said, "wrong answer!" He says he wants a companion/helper to cook and do things as a "family". His little girl lives with her mom part time. He says I help him cope with custody battles with the baby's mama. He recently invited me to vacation with him out of state. He has two weeks off but I only have one week off work. I could join him, but I don't want to. When my ex BF went away on business, he called and asked me to join him. I was so excited he asked that I jumped in the car, no hesitation! Something is very wrong with this picture.

Please help me with your thoughts. Thx

He's really pushing for a commitment. We've only been dating 6 months and I reluctantly agreed to couples class at our church. He wants to do everything together and wants to see me every day. He has already asked me to live with him a couple of months back when one of his roommates moved out. I said, no way! I'm keeping my apartment, thank you very much! His ex is a psycho and won't let him see his daughter. He has a good lawyer and will get custody soon. He talks about her all of the time and keeps telling me his little girl should see what a healthy couple looks like. We don't eat out often, and when we do, I pay my way. I have a good job but, I deserve a man who will pay my way at least once in a while. He's always broke with child support and lawyers fees. And get this, he won't date single moms because he only wants one child. I can't have kids of my own. And I'm not sure I want to be a mom. I have 2 jobs and can barely focus on my BF!

I can't decide what to do. If I don't see him every day, he reminds me that younger women want him. That makes me so mad and insecure. He told me other women don't want baby mama drama. I don't feel loved. I feel he's desperate for a mate and if he didn't have this court battle, he wouldn't be interested in me.

What do you think? Your thoughts would be most helpful! Thanks!

we're not engaged YET. I feel he's pushing things too fast. He says it's just 6 weeks or so to see if we are compatible...he says it's not a marriage proposal. I said "whew", "oh good". He also said if I don't go ( classes start Feb 27th) then I'm not serious about our relationship. I beginning to think not. On valentines, he said he won't leave me so don't YOU leave me. It felt like an order. He has great qualities and he's emotionally mature. He told me I'm a wonderful woman and that I'm perfect for him. But this was months ago when he hardly knew me. I told my GF "how do I know he's perfect for me?" BTW my friends like him.

He has a married female friend that I feel uncomfortable with. He goes out of his way to see her. He invites her to social events which she always declines because she will never admit he bothers her. But I can tell. Her husband of course doesn't mind. He's proud of his sexy wife. I don't like how giddy he gets when he's around her. He says he's done nothing wrong. "I like her". Like my feelings don't matter unless it suits him. We've been seeing each other @6 months. When I asked God for a good man to love me, I asked the wrong thing. I should have asked Him for happiness. We were both married before and now divorced, so, we're no spring chickens. He's a single dad fighting his ex for custody. He's financially strapped. I have church obligations, my job and artistic talents to pursue. Instead of getting closer to my BF, I'm getting farther away. I'm happy when I'm with him but lately, I can't wait to go home and be alone.

I'm not sure if I want to go to these classes. I'm not sure about this guy. Maybe I'm not sure about marriage. Maybe I need the classes, but not the man. I don't know.

Help me do the right thing! Share your experiences, please!

Thanks

He knows I have a BF. I did tell my ex that I have some doubts about him. He (my BF) has a lunatic baby's mama who, kinda scares me and I haven't even met her yet. I care for my ex deeply as a friend. I still feel a bond with him, God knows why. He broke up with me BC he had no time for a GF. I was crushed. I couldn't hook up with him again. Not even for sex. I'm sure he'd been with other women and he would walk out on me again. Other than that, he's kind, smart, honest, considerate, patient and a man who stands up for what he believes in.

Sometimes I think that my current BF is just a rebound and I'm not ready to have a relationship yet. It was less than a year when I met my new guy.

I know he wasn't drunk when he (my ex) texted me about how great our sex was. He was working late. If he was drunk, alone and horny, I wouldn't give his text a second thought. I would assume it was just a weak moment, meaningless. When I called him about other business, he asked me if I was ok, but he didn't bring up the sexy text message.

What are your thoughts, men? women? marrieds?

Thank you in advance.

From confused

I care for his daughter's welfare, but it feels I'm in the middle of a battlefield....Is there an upside? What other reasons do you have for not wanting to get involved with a parent w/child that is not your own? I can't decide whether or not to keep seeing the Dad. Please share your stories....good and bad. I need to know as many opinions as possible.

Thank you

from overwhelmed.

My BF refuses to co-parent their 6 year old. His ex all she does is bring him misery by collecting child support and limiting his time with his daughter. I guess she figures that the more custody she is awarded by the court, the more $$$$ she will get from him. This woman has done this before with her first child. So, she knows what she is doing.

I don't care about the money, or the limited visitation. I don't care about the lawyers, court hearings or this woman's craziness.

What bothers me is that she gives him nothing but misery and he gets his joy when she sees his daughter. I am stepping up to defend him and helping him cope and I'm doing a good job by putting him at ease. I am mature about all of this and I put his daughter's welfare first, which is why my BF wants me around. He's already talking about marriage.

I can't have children of my own and I am up for the task, at least it was a good idea at the time when I met him @ 5 months ago. I need to make up my mind before this gets any more serious if this is the life that is right for me. Dealing with a miserable woman and helping my BF and his daughter leaves little room for my own happiness.

Is this why some women (and men) don't date single parents? What other reasons are there?

And I don't know what to do. My new BF treats me much better than my ex....in every way except one. The new man doesn't respect my space. I believe separateness sometimes (girl time, I'm an artist and writer) is just as important as togetherness. He says he supports me. My ex calls me still as a friend and business related reasons. My ex knows I have a BF and he's happy for me. My BF knows about my ex, too. Sometimes I wish my ex would stop calling. And sometimes I wish he would tell me he still loves me and wants to be with me.

My ex understands me. He needs me as a friend to talk to and vent. And he always returns my calls if I need him. We seem to have this friendship bond between us that I can't break. I get excited when my ex calls or texts me.

Then there are days I want to dump them both and start over alone for a while.

Please help! Thank you.

I'm loved, in love and confused.

My BF said he only gets an erection when he wakes up @ 3 times a week. I say every morning from past experience with men. Or, it gets hard easily and stays hard with stimulation in the morning. I read this is typical BC a man's testosterone levels are higher in the AM. I, and my BF would like to know the general consensus If this is true or not.

It would be very helpful to know by stating a YES or NO answer and if you don't mind, stating your age as well.

Thank you and I hope you are having fun this holiday season!

This Dad is a friend of mine. His ex (the Mom) is kind of a mental freak. Her first child (not his) is an adult and in jail. The only thing going for her is that she has a good lawyer. She doesn't want anything to do with the Father and has taken great lengths ( even lie ) to keep his daughter away from him. The Dad has gone through at least 3 lawyers trying to get joint custody to give his little girl a good role model. He has to shell out lots of $$$ just to see her 2 hours per week! He arranged to have the birth at home. He has taken her to sign language classes before she learned to talk so she can relay her needs without crying.

I know there are 2 sides to every story. The judge just gives him less and less time with his own child. Can someone help me understand why the Dad has less rights to his kids than the Mom? The Dad is so heartbroken and fights to stay sane with the little time he does have. He has considered giving up so many times. But it's so wrong to walk away. When things seem futile, the child is worth the heartache. He takes parenting classes too.

What more can he do? Has anyone been there or knows there might be a chance to be at least a Dad to his 5-year old half the time?

His ex (the Mom) is kind of a mental freak. Her first child (not his) is an adult and in jail. The only thing going for her is that she has a good lawyer. She doesn't want anything to do with the Father and has taken great lengths ( even lie ) to keep his daughter away from him. The Dad has gone through at least 3 lawyers trying to get joint custody to give his little girl a good role model. He arranged to have the birth at home. He has taken her to sign language classes before she learned to talk so she can relay her needs without crying.

I know there are 2 sides to every story. The judge just gives him less and less time with his own child. Can someone help me understand why the Dad has less rights to his kids than the Mom? The Dad is so heartbroken and fights to stay sane with the little time he does have. He has considered giving up so many times. But it's so wrong to walk away. When things seem futile, the child is worth the heartache. He takes parenting classes too.

What more can he do? Has anyone been there or knows there might be a chance to be at least a Dad to his 5-year old half the time?

He's been apologizing all day today with 3 texts, 5 e-mails and 3 phone calls while I'm trying to work at the office today! I'm still in love with him and it's getting more and more awkward to talk to him. The "friendship" feels one-sided. You guessed it. It's all about him. I cooked him dinner the other night and he didn't even say "Thank you". We broke up about 4 months ago and he's been calling and texting me ever since. I thought maybe he has someone new by now since we haven't had sex all of this time. He tells me where he is at night.

I can't do this anymore. Even if we weren't romantically involved, he's a horrible friend. I would feel so blatantly disrespected if he brings up the friends with benefits thing. He made a sexual joke yesterday and it was just the straw that broke the camels back! I just want to tell him if he's looking for some skank, I'm fresh out! He thinks we'll be cool if he just tells me he's sorry if he offended me. But I don't care about the joke. This goes much deeper and if I cut him loose I will be respecting MY feelings for once! I can walk outside and breath my own air!!!!! I won't care if he's with someone else because he will be out of my life.

Please help me stand my ground! He wants me to call, but I'm not calling him. He's gonna call me again, I'm sure. I gotta get through to this knucklehead once and for all!

From

I want my life back

I said yes, we can be friends. Just not NOW! I need to get over him. I still have strong feelings for him and I said so. If he doesn't love me anymore, I need him to stop contacting me. He says he enjoys talking to me. But it just hurts too much. Why can't he talk or confide with his current GF and leave me alone? What kind of a selfish SOB is he? I don't want to be rude or feed his ego by telling him I'm not over him so please don't call?

Nothing compares to him. I'm not interested in meeting anyone. I miss him so much and he's such a hard act to follow. I am by chance meeting other men that like me but I feel nothing at all. I never bonded with anyone like I did with my ex.

What can I say to him without sounding like a idiot? Thanks for your input.

Pun intended. lol No, seriously. I want to get these losers and liars out of my system and I told myself I don't want to meet any men right now. But they keep popping up out of nowhere. Should I go to a gay bar or something? Just to talk to men without expectations? It seems like when all I need is a friend, they want more.

I need a break so bad, it hurts. But at the same time, I don't want to miss the right guy when he comes along. I suppose 3 months of saying "no thank you" is not too much to ask for myself. Don't get me wrong. I'm not all that. I feel that isolating myself is not an option because I still want to have fun and do things - just not have sex or get serious with men for a while.

Please help me out here, ladies. What is the best thing(s) for me to do? I'm

-confused in the big city

unless he can see me to get it. He won't let me ship it, which is what I'd rather do. He's kept in touch with me all of this time sending me mixed signals. He's been driving me crazy. My emotions are still raw since we never really "officially" ended it. He said he never told his friends we broke up. He said because he doesn't want other guys hitting on me. I told him I'm not interested in meeting new guys right now. He finally said we had a "falling out" a couple of weeks ago. I told him if you moved on, let me go! So he finally stopped calling.

I'm still in pain over losing him and I can't start the healing process until I can get his stuff out of my house. So I let him know I'm shipping his stuff to him. He said an emphatic, "NO!". I asked why not? He didn't give me a reason. He said he'll pick it up. I said you can't come over. I can't deal/handle the sight of you. He said, what do you mean? You don't want to see me?? He got upset.

Maybe I can handle meeting him at a neutral place with his stuff in my car. We tried to set up a date/time, but we haven't committed yet. I have never met a man who's driven me quite this insane before. I would rather keep his stuff than face him. I'm so confused, I need my head examined. I don't know if he wants me back or not. I have never considered going back to a man once we split up....except with him. Should I prepare for the worst? Or are we just crazy for each other?

Please help!

- Ms Distorted

A bold man asked me that same question. I suppose he thought he could take me there, even though I never met him face to face! Really! I know! I'm not going to either! But he did get me curious. I did give him some catch terms: Ecstasy, electricity, mind-blowing chemistry, rush, instant passion, etc.

But making love is like being in heaven? I said no. He said I will.

Have you been there?

Just curious.

And I'm sick and tired of it. I need to move on. He won't let me go. He doesn't want his friend to know we broke up either. His friend hit on me before we hooked up. I told my ex I wasn't interested then, I'm not now. But we are business partners and I don't want to "pretend" to be my ex's GF. My ex tells me he wants to stay friends. I finally told him, if you have moved on, letting go would be the kindest thing to do.

It's been really weird. When he talks to me he still called me "baby". And stuff like that as if we were still a couple! It was really a rough relationship. He fell hard and fast, and I needed to take it slow. I had been on my own for a short while and I needed to settle into my new life before I got serious. He hates talking about problems too which scared me even more. Naturally, he goes away rather than deal with issues. I said stay away. And we broke up.

Of course I miss him, but I can't deal with him being with someone else if he keeps calling me. Why can't he deal that it's over? Why does he keep texting me? Is he crazy? Or what?