Brenden C

I am currently in the application phase to becoming a Marine Corps Officer. I have made the decision to join not just only because I have a family legacy in the Marine Corps but I am genuinely proud of the integrity and honor they represent. I understand it is extremely competitive and I am 100% ready to take on that challenge. I'd like some input and advice on things that could improve my "package". I appreciate all constructive criticism and thanks for your time.

- I am 19 years old heading into my sophomore year at a four year university,

- 5'10 150lbs. (I may not be big, but I guarantee I have the heart and motivation among the best)

- I have a 3.0 gpa and expecting to improve upon that as I get more acclimated to college.

-1310 SAT and I am scheduled to take the ASVAB in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully to get above an 80.

- I have an uncle stationed in Japan and he is a lieutenant colonel Marine Officer, a brother who is enlisted in the Marine Corps as a Corporal, and a retired grandpa who was a Marine Corps Officer Colonel.

- I have not taken the PFT yet but I imagine my score to be around 275.

- Completely clean history, no felony's or charges against me, no speeding or traffic tickets. Also no tattoos.

It's an honor to even apply as an Officer, Semper Fi.

Looking for constructive criticism on my essay and what I can do to make it better. The guidelines are 100 words or less so let me know what you think.

"Throughout my life I have been fortunate and grateful for everything I’ve been blessed with. I was raised to be humble with high morals and standards and to always strive to exceed expectations. At this stage in my life, I realized that my expectations are well beyond a normal 8-4 job. It would be a privilege to continue my family’s legacy in the Marine Corps but an even greater privilege because of what the marines represent. It would be an honor to be a Marine Corps Officer and lead the best trained and most morally honest men and women in the world."

C- Miguel Olivo, John Jaso

1B- Miguel Cabrera

2B- Chone Figgins, Neil Walker

SS- Troy Tulowitski

3B- David Wright

OF- Jason Bay

OF- Dustin Ackley, Michael Cuddyer

OF- Carlos Lee, Jaso Kubel, Andres Torres, Brett Garner

SP- Tim Lincecum

SP- Felix Hernandez

SP- John Danks, Gavin Floyd, Phil Hughes, Brett Myers

RP- Ryan Franklin

RP- Evan Meek

tell why with good details