Steffi S

My 15 month old baby is very jealous of her sister, there is a 2 yr gap between them. Everytime my elder daughter comes for a cuddle, the baby starts screaming. So much so, that she is making herself sick. I feel awful for my elder daughter, she tries to get down so that her sister stops crying, but we have said no and carried on with the hug or story or play, that we are doing until we are finished. Does anyone have any advice, I hate to see the baby cry like that but I know it is anger that she is not getting attention and more importantly I cannot allow my eldest to believe that she is 2nd place in my affections as she will leave me alone while her sister gets some one on one time. Anyone got anything that might help?? Thanks

Our car needs repairing after the turbo blew. We cannot afford to fix it and to be honest the car is worth less than the repairs. If we get rid of it and don't replace the car for the same money issue what will happen to our no claims bonus. Will we lose this once the car insurance is cancelled?

I have a problem with my mother in law but the problem is I am too scared of her to say what I really want to. My husband and I lived with her for a while and I found out I was pregnant, before this we were left to our own devices and nothing ever really expected of us. Once I had the baby it all changed, she acts like a parent and constantly ignores both of us and does as she wishes. We moved out after I had the baby and nothing changed. In September I had another baby and after a week she suddenly stopped talking to us. I tried ringing and e-mailing and she only responded to the e-mail and even then it was a thank you but nothing else. After nearly 2 months she finally took a call and I spent an hour grovelling. She said that we treated her like an outsider, she was too scared to hold the new baby at the hospital as we wouldn't let her hold our eldest when we were living with her. I tried explaining that it wasn't that we wouldn't let her, it was that she kept picking her up and wanted her to leave her a little bit more ofter so she didn't get used to being picked up and then crying so that she would be. She said that she was devastated that we didn't trust her to take our eldest into London and that she was totally embarrassed as she couldn't tell her friends the real reason she wasn't allowed and that we had made excuses to prevent the trip. In actual fact the trip was less than a week after I had my C-Section and I really wanted her to be around for the first few weeks after the baby was born to ensure she was given plenty of attention and time with her new sister. But this was not acceptable nor the fact that I would not let a 2 year old sleep over at her house, my daughters sleep is terrible and I did not want the break in her routine. These are the only two occasions in 18 months I have said no, other than this she takes our daughter out every week. When I said that the day of the London trip coincided with a visit from my family she basically said they should have come a different day, my family live 4 hours away and only visit 3 times a year, she lives 30 Min's away. She said that she invites us to dinner when 'people' come round, these are my husbands family, she said we should invite her when my family come. I disagree with this as she constantly tries to compete in order to the best grandparent and parent. My family should be able to spend a few hours with their grandchildren without her interfering as she does with us. She ignores us when we say no and when we discipline our daughter she is giving her sympathetic smiles when she doesn't know we can see. She says we should include her more as a family but that only seems to be on her terms. If I say no she does what she wants anyway, she made the decision not to talk to us and is now saying that she couldn't bond with her new grandchild because of it. I don't know how to overcome my fear of her so that I can tell her that I have an issue. Last year she said she wanted to take our DD to see Santa and we both said no due to our DD having a huge fear of him, she took her anyway and blamed the poor guy playing Santa saying he was scary when the meltdown took place. I decided to buy a little wooden train set for DD when new baby arrived as a gift from baby to big sister, my MIL told me there was a plastic set in a shop she went into on sale, I said that I felt plastic would not be robust enough and that I was looking at wooden ones. A few weeks later she turned up with the train track she wanted and gave it to her before we knew what it even was. Its things like this I hate, I feel totally disrespected and inadequate as a Mum sometimes because of things like this and these things are a very short list of the things we have both had to put up with. I have been nice, stern, strict, direct and so has my husband when we have explained what we would like/not like our daughter to do or be given, she ignores us most of the time by saying 'Oh I didn't set out to do that deliberately', then why does she feel the need to justify what she has done? Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with her, because for the sake of our girls I want them to have a good relationship with their grandmother...just not at the expense of mine and my husbands.

My 2 year old sees her grandparents (on my husbands side) once a week. They take her out for the day, bath her etc and bring her back early evening. I have no problem with this, my daughter obviously loved them but my issue is the total disregard they have for me and my husband. My daughter is apparantly advanced for her age - this is something that I haven't really concentrated on because I teach her a lot of stuff at home and am able to spend the time with her and I don't really ask what other children her age do. But they seem to think that she should be given what she wants...all the time and I don't know how else to tell them they need to stop. She is at the terrible two stage and they just give in to her. She goes into peoples bags something I couldn't understand because I will not allow it. Then I find out they have been allowing her to do it, they let her touch ornaments and play with them. If she wants chocolates she gets it.

Then there is the visits. They don't bother telling me when they want to collect her, which in itself isn't the end of the world but when I ask that she be back by 18:30 so that I can do her bedtime routine they say yes then phone me at 18:30 to say they are running late and is that ok.

Toys are another issue. They ask if she can have a toy and if my husband and I having thought about it feel she is a little young we ask that they leave it for maybe Xmas or following birthday. They then argue with us over it and buy it anyway. The last 3 gifts they have given she has hurt herself on then they comment that she has a bruise. Everything is a constant competition. We got her the biggest Xmas card, we were the first to buy her a pram. I have even heard them as they throw their hands up in delight say 'Yes, we were the first'.

I am now pregnant and they have even gone as far as to say they think that our daughter should stay with them for a few weeks while I am in hospital and initially at home. They have also said they don't like boys and this leaves me really worried. I don't know the gender of this baby and am concerned they will treat this baby differently. I mentioned that there was a gift that I was going to buy for our daughter from the baby to her. They said they had found one and it was cheap. I thanked them but said it wasn't quite what I had in mind and that the one I wanted was a different material and felt it would be more robust etc. They then told my husband who backed me up and said thanks but we had seen the one we wanted. They left it a few months then went and bought it without telling us and gave it to our daughter. I wasn't about to take it off of her, the thing is I know they know what they are doing because they say things like ' We didn't do it intentionally'. They are constantly giving me advice and telling me what to do and I have no idea what to say anymore. It has resulted in us nearly coming to blows. Even when they can see how angry or upset we are they brush over it and act like nothing has happened.

Any advice?

My 20 month old daughter has not slept through properly since she was 6 months. I have attempted to settle her using numerous methods. It is slightly better but not much. I am at a stage now where if I put her to bed at 7 and she falls straight to sleep she will wake up at night and wake up at 5 ish. If I put her to bed at 7 and she plays it can be till 10 ish and I might get a sleep until 7 in the morning. Sometimes she can just play other times whinge. The other night she was asleep by 7:15 then awake at midnight and cried til 4 in the morning (yes we checked on her to make sure she was ok). When we do go in we initially tell her its bed time and put her back to bed....progressing to no talk at all just putting her back into bed. Not sure what else to do. She is very active during the day and doesnt seem too affected by lack of sleep during the day. She has a nap at 11 in the morning but i have cut this down to 1hr for the day to see if it makes a difference. Any suggestions?

I was 11 weeks pregnant when i started to bleed. Having had a scan I was told that the baby was too small and that I wasn't 11 weeks. I was really certain fo my dates and asked if the baby had stopped growing. I was told it was possible but they thought they might be able to see a heartbeat. i was told to have another scan the following week. Three days later I miscarried. I feel really so empty and not sure what I am doing most days. I also feel very selfish because I am blessed with a beautiful little girl who is 16 months, I know that there are many women who are unable to have children and I feel so low and sad. My little girl sat on my lap the day it happened and hugged and kissed me. I couldn't ask for a more loving baby. I need to get past this so I can be a good mum, but I find I am struggling. Can anyone give me advice?

My little one slept through until she was 6 months old, at which point she developed a virus. Since then she has persistent cough, cold, jabs and won't sleep through. I have tried leaving her to cry but she seems hungry so I have tried bulking up dinner in a bid to fill her tummy so she doesn't want milk at night. She can cry solidly from 1 hr to 2 hrs and I make sure I check on her to make sure she doesn't come to any harm. She doesn't sleep more than four hours at a time. She is a wonderful little girl I just need to sort out her sleep as I have found out I am pregnant and my morning sickness tends to last whenever I move so getting up is not helping me much. Any advice would be gratefully received.