Kia

I love my best friend. She is absolutely awesome and I care about her more than anyone in the world but the problem is that I don't know how she feels about me and I think she cares about me at least half as much as I care about her but she is always saying she isn't interested in anyone of any gender but she kissed me back (but she thought I'd be taken away and possibly killed if she didn't) and when she thought I was sleeping she put her arm around me and held my hand and does little things like that all the time. I'm so confused!

My new problem, in the epic saga of mixed up love, manipulation, and internet aliases, is that my brother's best friend is interested and my brother is trying to set me up with him. He's really nice and proper and is one of those guys you usually hear about in books and fairy tales but rarely meet. He is a senior and I am a freshman (which I have a problem with). But I know he likes me and is a good guy and I like him okay but I feel like going out with him would be just stringing him along and cheating on her despite the fact we are just friends.

To make matters more confusing he and I danced at the school dance last night during the second to last song in a very high-school-intimate-couple kind of way where he was holding my waist and practically humping my butt. (if you've ever been to one of these dances you know what I'm talking about) I was slightly uncomfortable with it because

1. I didn't really consent to it but I didn't know what to do so I went along with it and he did start slow by just getting behind and putting his hands on my shoulders and guiding my sway

2. one of the girls I know and am fairly well acquainted with had asked him to dance earlier and he accepted when she asked (after she had stared at him for a whole 2 hours and I urged her to) and was she watching us heartbroken

3. My best friend, who didn't seem to know what else to do, was dancing next to us with a characteristic look on her face that I can't read and wasn't smiling was she feeling jealous, hurt, betrayed, or just awkward to be stuck in that situation? (I feel really bad about it now because when I think of our roles being switched I would have caused the guy a lot of bodily harm)

4. I thought he had gotten over me (he had been talking about "the two year rule" earlier) but that proved me wrong and it sure didn't help anything

So the problem is basically security vs. chance (him vs. her). I don't really love him and I don't know if I ever could but I am scared to lay my heart on the table and risk my friendship with her.

What if he asks me to prom like my brother says he plans to? And what do I say to her? Should I tell her I love her? WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?!!

I am one messed up individual...

There is where you say it (or don't) but haven't actually had a significant other that is the same sex, you have been intimate with the same sex but not done anything... risky, you actually... do it... with the same sex.

Does saying it or having feelings or touching or kissing or sex make it gay/lez? Where is the line?

I am just a girl in love with her best friend.

I manipulated the girl I love into kissing me back, not entirely against her will. She thought by doing that it would keep me from being taken away by my insane stalker (aka myself on the internet and text messages). I knew I had only one chance to do it so I took it just as she was leaving. She wasn't very good at first, being her first time, but she caught on pretty quick. It was amazing and we both just stood there in complete shock for awhile. When she had gotten a little brain function back she made a joke to break the tension and, both of us still in shock, she left wobbling as much as I was. I wasn't sure how she felt about it and that scared me.

Things went back to the same after and she is one not to talk about things that make her uncomfortable so I can't really talk to her about it. I asked her through him and everyone else I've made up over the internet and she said she enjoyed the kiss, it was her first, and she doesn't know how she feels about me and is procrastinating deciding. I even asked her under threat of death and she gave me the answer that she doesn't know anything about her own feelings, which is a perfectly understandable and predictable answer from her.

After that I told her through another of my aliases that I only did it to save her life for I don't know what reason and now I still don't know how she feels about me. I am a terrible person and I know it. I love her and I want to know if she feels the same. We roughhouse and play together and she is affectionate sometimes but I can't tell if that is just puppy or friend love or feeding my devotion or what! I always second guess myself and I think she does for a second and then I second guess myself and I can't tell what is the truth! It is so confusing!

I am thinking about kissing her again just to see... Would that do more damage than good do you think?

She is so simple and complex all at the same time! I really love her. More than anyone or anything in the world. I'd rip out my heart and put it on a stake and jump off skyscrapers and commit murder and destroy the lives of people I love (I already did that actually) for her. I'd do anything for that girl. I just wish I knew how she felt. I guess that is kind of why I did all this...

For more information see my other question...

I need some help. Have you ever loved someone that you knew you could never be with?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgsCw...

I only recently realized that I am in love with my best friend. She is the best person in the world. She is unique and strange and fun and has the best personality. Whenever I'm around her I feel so much better and I feel alive. If you searched the world a thousand times over you wouldn't find anyone even close to her! Everything that anyone else would find a flaw about her I find to be perfect.

It started out slow, not an instant reaction, and I didn't know what this feeling was. When I realized I might be falling in love I tried to distract myself with other people but it didn't work. So then being the terrible person I am, I decided that maybe the rumor that she was a guy was true but I couldn't because it wasn't. That was over two years ago and I now realize I love her, more than anyone else in the world. I want for nothing more than to see her smile every day. I just want her to be happy.

But I did something very stupid because even though I am in love with her I know I can never be with her. I want her to be happy no matter what but have you ever loved someone so much but you know you could never be with them and even though all you want is for them to be happy you also want them to feel some part of the pain you do? That's how I felt but I really didn't know that at the time.

I did it for that reason because I wanted her to suffer like I do so I lied to her a thousand times over. I made up fake accounts on the internet and bought a track phone so I could use that to talk to her too (over text only) and told her things and manipulated her and drove her closer to me but all that could have been fixed. Now it can't be fixed by simply telling her the truth. I went too far and I made someone up that I shouldn't have. He doesn't have a name but he is a hired hit man and he is in love with me but he is hell bent on torturing me so he can break me and take me across the world with him. I know that sounds really stupid and all but she buys it. And don't you dare say she's stupid because you would buy it too if you had heard the story from her end. And that isn't even the stupidest it gets stupider.

It started out that if she didn't kiss me he would rape me and then I was sure she would but she got so close and then she couldn't do it and then I got to be more and more desperate and I wanted her so bad. I told her that he would take me away to Asia if she didn't kiss me and she couldn't do it again and now I've turned the tables because now I've started it, it will hurt her if I don't continue so now I'm the one who has to kiss her or he'll kill her before he takes me away but if she kisses me back he will leave without me and never come back. But now I don't know what to do because I started this and if I stop it now she is going to get hurt but if I do kiss her then what? I have talked to her about it through my other people and she seems confused about it because she almost wanted it too and now doesn't know what to do or think and she feels really guilty about it. If I do this then I have sworn never to lie to her again unless it keeps her from being hurt and if I do this she will also be less guilt ridden. But what will kissing her do to our friendship and what will it mean if she kisses me back?

I really do love her and I want the best for her and I really regret doing this. It's the worst thing I've ever done! I want to take the path that will not hurt her as badly. I’m sorry I’m not really sure what I’m asking. I just need some help.