?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVHV2nL5JZ0

If you don't like it, just skip to 2:17, because that part is what I'm particularly wanting your opinions on.

Thanks!

. . .Your family in terms of eccentricity? And what are your reasons for rating them whichever number you did?

But only your family in their entirety, and not you as an individual. :)

We're not really eccentric if we consider ourselves to be.

On our birthdays, we receive gifts when we didn't do anything to deserve them except causing our mother pain. Why?

Shouldn't we give our parents presents for bringing us into this world?

P. S.

I am half expecting so answerers to say that they wish their parents hadn't had them.

P. P. S.

This question was thought up, partially, because of a Youtube video I watched; I forgot the name, but credit goes to whomever first speculated about this.

P. P. P. S.

I'm not saying we shouldn't have presents. I just want to hear if your reasoning checks out with mine.

Mine is wearing:

Formal Riding Outfit

Glasses w/ Taped Bridge

Yellow Rain Hat

Okay, my sister (she's eleven) needs help with her opening scene. Please read the extract and see if you agree with my thoughts on how to improve it.

“She’s dead?”

“Undoubtedly,” Lance said, his vibrant blue eyes glinting sadistically.

The man seated opposite to him adjusted his ebony black collar, which contrasted oddly with his pale skin. Her execution had gone smoothly. He chuckled gratingly; how he loved the sound of that. With her eliminated from the game, he was many steps closer to winning.

His satisfaction apparent, he wordlessly praised Lance, lightly clapping his hands, once.

1. I think she needs to add more description. Like their surroundings and location, for example.

2. I think it's a bit heavy on the vocabulary, without getting anything vital across (I had this problem when I was her age).

3. I don't know how to describe it, but I think the continuity isn't well either, and it seems slightly repetitious.

4. She has too many adverbs.

If you have any suggestions on what I could add to this, it would be appreciated.

Also, if you're I'm wondering why I'm asking you guys, it's because I want to make sure that I'm telling her to fix the right things.

Thanks!

P.S.

It will take too long for me to explain exactly, but she's already given me the go ahead on sharing it with people. (She's not looking to publish, just improve, seeing as she is very young.)

Sentence:

The zookeeper was the ONE who made our visits delightful.

Is ONE a predicate nominative?

Also:

Menageries, small EXHIBITS of only a few animals, were common in Europe during the seventeenth century.

And is EXHIBITS an appositive?

P.S.

Yes, this is homework, but it's not mine. So feel free to tell me if it's wrong, but if it is (wrong) don't tell me the answer, please.

Thanks!

I go to a plot generator (online), take a fluffy, cliche' plot and then write a complete book adding my own plot twists.

Of course, I would never even consider getting them published, but I'm just looking for decent ways to hone my writing skills.

Also, does writing these types of books count as the "write four (or whichever number) books before publication 'rule' ? Or should I write my, hopefully original, plots that I want to save for when I improve my writing skills and quality? Even though it will be, most likely, a train wreck? Or maybe I could write these now, but when I am more experienced in writing, I could rewrite them?

I'm not certain and I am looking for advice to clear up my confusion. And I apologize for the multiple, consecutive questions. :D

Thanks.

P.S.

And if you have any tips for practicing writing in general (plain advice, websites, books, etc.), that would be much appreciated. Though this is optional.

Thanks!

On a previous account (on which a troll found purchase for it's grubby paws), I did a little experiment. I submitted a piece of writing and said that I was a thirteen-year-old (I am). After numerous comments about how it was extremely pretentious and incomprehensible and just atrocious writing in its entirety, I deleted it.

After that, I submitted a different piece of writing, this time saying that I was a forty-year-old, stay- at-home mother (college educated). The reviews were positive with a few suggestions on how to make it better (which were very helpful and truthful); no comments were made on my vocabulary usage. The ironic part was that the same people who commented on my first piece of writing, commented on the second one.

This really disconcerted and upset me, for the reason that when I revealed myself to be an adolescent, people expected me to "dumb" down my writing; merely because of my age. Also, many people when I first posted my writing, accused me of randomly choosing words from the thesaurus because I wanted to appear smarter than I truly was. That actually did hurt me (I'm not usually sensitive), because writing is very personal for me, and when people say it's artificial, that makes me frustrated.

Anyway, what are your opinions on this? Because I am wondering, hypothetically, in the extremely unlikely event that I or any other young writer gets published a few years from now, would people make the same comments concerning my vocabulary? Just because I'm young?

Of course, I understand that moderation is the key for anything's success; big words not excluded. I always use a small word when a big one would do, but writing, "Yo, dude, whattup, man?" in a Victorian time period isn't exactly realistic and accurate to how they spoke back then. (If you were wondering, I generally write in this time period.)

Thanks!

Title: The War of the Ages

Plot: All the children in the town petition the mayor to let children aged twelve and up to vote, and to let seventeen-year-olds and upwards to run for office. He accepts, humoring them. When the election rolls around, and they ( the children) actually win, almost all the adults, including the mayor, protest that they had not really expected her to win, and that they were only joking.

Enraged, she and all the other children "secede" to one side of the town, claiming it as their own and fiercely protecting it. They also send out a letter to the state governor, begging that he allow them to "fight" for the mayorship. Thinking that they are pretending and that the media is trying to ridicule him, he consents and signs an approval.

Elated with their success and released from their parents' guidance, they soon start making their own rules, i.e. lowering the legal driving age, drinking age, smoking age, firing the teachers and establishing their own school system etc., which all lead to disastrous results.

After they experiment with this lifestyle, their leader (Ada Skidder), employs a system reminiscent of Communist beliefs/theories and she restricts Capitalism and free enterprise (supposedly "equalizing" the wealth).

All this time, the adults and the children are feuding (physically and psychologically) over whose right it is to lead the town; added to this, all the events that transpire are being recorded and broad-casted nationwide by the media (though everyone in the town is aware of it).

Eventually, after numerous conflicts, they arrange an official meeting and agree to stage a battle in which the winner will be immediately designated as the mayor. This battle is held in the form of a most curious competition; the ultimate game of flag football, upgraded to an enormously new level of complexity.

After a day of grappling back and forth, Grandpa Marty captures the opposing side's (Ada's team) flag, using his brilliant understanding of battle tactics and lighting reflexes (not really).

After this, Ada grudgingly agrees that she is not capable of managing the town effectively and that being an adult and acting maturely isn't as easy as it seems. At the end, she vaguely makes clear her desire to someday run for public office; preferably President, but if not, Secretary of State will suffice. She also relinquishes her argument that college corrupts the minds of otherwise "free-thinkers".

I got this (plot) mainly from what we are currently studying in history and below are a few notable events that happen in my book and particular things that allude to events in history:

The grocery store, right in the center of the town, is the only store that sells just about everything; so this is the neutral zone for both "camps": historical aspect, Switzerland (it remained neutral during World War II, I think . . .)

They free their "brethren" from juvenile hall: storming the Bastille

They all try to become nocturnal (produces some funny results) : the French Revolution (French Republican Calendar, but that was just the inspiration)

And there are other examples, but I fear this is getting too long. Also, this a political, economical, societal, etc. satire and comedy, concerning both current and past political, economical, etc. But, it does contain some serious themes (i.e. drugs, smoking, drinking, etc. are bad) and that, more often than not, we (teenagers) really don't know what we're talking about when it comes to making decisions that will affect other.

So, is this too cliche'? Thanks!

Bonus Question: What is your favorite hair and eye color combination and why?

Bonus Question #2: What is your eye color and do you like it?

Which do you prefer?

P.S.

Yeah, I know, stupid question . . . but in my defense, I was curious.

The story opens on a principal accepting a resignation from a slew of frustrated teachers. Frustrated in his turn, he faces the decision of closing down the terrible school and providing the school's equally terrible students with a victory; or trying again, but with the knowledge that he would be setting himself up for disappointment.

Taking a walk in the park to clear his troubled thoughts, he unexpectedly encounters one of his previous colleagues in a publishing company. To his surprise and immense joy, she applies for the job (teacher).

Accepting her immediately after she provides him with her teaching credentials, he races back to his office.

Leaving Gwendolyn Felix, known as Gwen or Ms. Felix, the principal doesn't see her converse with a mysterious, old man, who appeared seemingly out of nowhere. They speak cryptically about locating the "PI" (possible inductee) to their secret (sort of magical) agency.

After this, the story switches back to the principal who bumps into a tall, dark, and (bet you didn't see this one coming), handsome man, who, strangely, asks to become a teacher at his school as well. Charmed, but slightly wary, the principal accepts after seeing his teaching certificate.

After he has turned his back, the handsome man smirks to himself and whispers, "Check." (Referring to a chess move, but this is more obvious in the actual chapter).

The book is basically a smorgasbord of different things, combined into a (hopefully) coherent story.

Here are a few questions I would like, specifically, to be answered:

Is this too much information for a first chapter?

Does the premise bore you?

What conclusions do you draw from the information I gave you?

Does it seem cliche' so far?

If so, how so?

Of course, you don't have to answer all of those, but if you can, that would be greatly appreciated and extremely helpful.

Also, you can add any other opinions on this brief excerpt (of a sorts).

All comments are appreciated! Thanks!

P.S. Off-topic, but I'm only thirteen and new to writing, so, if possible, could you suggest some books on writing?

Whenever I get out of the car at school, I kiss my mom on the cheek and she kisses me on the cheek. A person told me (two week ago) that I was a pansy and a "Momma's boy."

If I am a pansy/Momma's boy, I don't mind, because I'm a human and therefore, I have feelings (and positive ones at that); I just wanted to hear your opinions on this.

Also, what exactly is a pansy?

Well, basically, my book is about a school where just about all the students are failing, bad, disruptive etc. and the good kids are too scared to be who they are; and because of that, they conform to the school's standards.

Because of the treatment this school's teachers are subjected to, they always resign; that changes when a new teacher applies for the job.

At first, the students are not receptive to her attempts at improving their school and their behavior; to express their feelings, they play nasty tricks on her, they pay even less attention than they normally do in class, and they do other things like that.

When they finally realize that she isn't going to resign, the most popular kid comments that if she spends this much time on them, she deserves a chance.

As they start to change slowly, a seemingly innocent child plots her revenge on the teacher. On the last day of school, she shoots her teacher.

The teacher is rushed to the hospital and all her students visit her there, before she dies. After asking them a few questions and telling a few jokes, she passes away.

After that, the story (in my outline) skips forward to the funeral and each of the students say what their teacher taught them and after they say it, they throw a rose. When they are finished, the worst kid (before) runs in, and says what the teacher taught her and pretty much sums it all up.

And that is where my story ends (if it can even be granted that generous title).

Also, my book will either be called "A Well-Rounded Education" (lame title, of that I am painfully aware) or "My Teacher, Taught" (another lame one).

Of the two options, what would you pick? (Please note that I might change these titles.)

Also, I'm only thirteen and I am practically brand spankin' new (for lack of a better phrase) to writing and story creating, so could you suggest some books on writing? If not, that's alright.

Thanks!

P.S.

I may put some sort of romance between the teacher and the school janitor (who the children constantly mock because of his peculiar interest in penguins), but I'm not sure if I could write something like that . . .

My question is, even though I am currently not good at writing, should I start my book, finish it, and then edit the beginning (hopefully I will have improved by the end)?

Thanks and all comments are appreciated.

I am writing a seven book series and the first one is about regular school drama with some carefully placed hints; the second one ventures into more fantastical themes, which are alluded to in the first book.

The third is about an adventure concerning my fantasy world.

The fourth one is a completely mangled fairy tale.

The fifth is science-fiction related (time-travel), but they go back in time to the eighteenth century (thus turning it into historical fiction . . . I think).

The sixth is about humans intermingling with the fairy world (not too lame, I hope).

And the seventh is a combination of everything stated above.

Keep in mind, the main characters are the same throughout the whole series and their motivation and reason for doing what they do, remains the same.

Anyway, thanks.

I'm not asking for ideas (because I have one, I think . . .), but I want to know how you come up with ideas.

Well, it is about a group of seven children who go back in time to switch things around.

I am aware that that is a very limited explanation; but, if it's a seven book series, would that get repetitive? Of course there is a different plot for every book, but I was wondering . . .

Thanks!