stuck

"I hope we can still be friends." based on what? guilt? control? torture?

two weeks ago, i had posted a question about my soon to be ex husband contacting me (he wanted space - wanted out of the marriage of 7 yrs. - got a gf, etc.). since getting the responses here, i have stopped communicating with him. this week again he sent me a couple emails about how poorly he was doing and left me a v.m. in which he sounded awful and said he would understand if i did not want to talk to him (but never saying he wants to come back). my heart broke when i heard his voice - i wanted to be there for him. now, i am very tempted to call him back. i know calling him will only leave me with pain and hurt. how do i stay strong and not give in to the temptation? how do i fight my instinct to take care of him (at my own expense)?

why would a woman put herself in a such a position of lies and deceit to herself, to her husband, to her lover, to the wife of the lover (not to mention family, friends, neighbors and co-workers). what kind of relationship/fulfillment does she get? what motivates her? why ruin so many lives? this one was the cause of my divorce. and yes, he exhibited all the following signs:

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isyourspouseche...

he wanted his space. didn't want to work on the marriage of seven years. got himself a married girlfriend on the side (her husband has no clue). basically, he had to go and i had to file for a divorce - a month ago. this week, he came over for dinner (mon.), sent an email apologizing for hurting me (tues), called the same night and talked for 1.5 hrs. to apologize again and to answer my questions (what happened) and called again (friday night) when i was out and left a v.m. trying to check in and make sure i was okay after the conversation on tues (which was completely civil and nothing devastating was said - got the most important answer - there is no hope for a future together). in the meantime, he tells me that his feelings have changed towards the realationship even though he still loves me. so why not take the space? why invade mine? i just want to have a speedy divorce and get him out of my life and out of my heart. i still love him and he has to much power over me.

About 6 months ago, my husband came home after a session with his therapist and said he feels suffocated in the marriage. Since then, it's been an emotional roller coaster - from I love you to I want out, all in the same conversation. We saw a marriage counselor which did not help. He tells me he loves me but feels he needs to find himself, while at the same time, he blames it on the marriage. He wants to separate but can't seem to make that decision (part of suffocation). In any case, he might be deciding on an apartment today. He cannot tell me if the separation is permanent or temporary. Should I wait for him to come out of this crisis, not knowing if he will come back, or seek a divorce lawyer? I love him even despite his hurtful behavior. We live in CA. Any advice will be helpful. Thanks.