Will S

My kid made a basic still to make bio-feul (moonshine) as a science project. She made it from a tea-kettle, copper tubing & a thermos (coiling the copper tubing through it). She soaked & fermented all the veggies. but when she cooks them in the kettle it won't raise into the tubing. What is she doing wrong?

It has been this way for months & it is driving me crazy.

It doesnt show them on the main yahoo page, but when I goto my mail page it always shows 2 more unread messages that I actually have. Or it shows 2 unread if I have no unread messages.

Is there a way to fix this?

And yes, I have checked completely through the old messages, there are no unread ones.

Thanks for any help.

An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife had produced a typical Italian baby boy w eighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks......like I said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"....one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weig hed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.

"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born! "

The Italian father takes a long swig ofSambuca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....

"We had him circumcised."

All the vowels have been taken out of the following saying & the remaining letters put in blocks of three. Can you replace the vowels & find the saying?

BRD SFF THR FLC KTG THR

10 points for first correct answer.

Thanks for the star if you like this riddle.

Andy likes orange but not purple. He likes torches but not chandeliers. He eats berries but not fruits. Following the same rules, does he like Byron or Keats?

10 points for first correct answer & why.

Thanks for the star if you are stumped or like this riddle.

What would logically come next in this sequence?

S30 O31 N30 ....

10 points for the first correct answer & thanks for the star if you like this riddle or were stumped.

The Top Eight Games Played At The Old Folk's Home.

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover , Red Rover , the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

Thanks for the star if you chuckled!

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us." said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will.

The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office.

"You must understand, I've lived alone all my life. I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" the elderly woman asked.

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"

"I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.

"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life. People have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on," said the woman. "I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

'Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you!" the lawyer exclaimed.

"I need to know what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

A man was walking home one night through the park when he hears a voice from behind the bushes. "You want a date mister?" He says "No thanks, I'm married" The voice replies "She'll never know & it's only $20". He thinks to himself, It is only $20 & the wife will never know, what the heck. He goes into the dark area behind the bushes & they start doing the act.

A passing policeman hears them going at it & goes into the dark area to investigate. As he shines his flashlight on the two He asks "What exactly is going on here?" The man replies its ok officer, me & my wife here are having a little fun. "Oh, the officer replies, I didnt know she was your wife, sorry" The man says "Me either until you shined that d*mn flashlight on us!"

thanks for the star if you chuckled.

The police find a body in the middle of a field. There is a set of tire tracks leading to & from the body. They follow the tracks & they lead to a house. They see no car at the house and two men and one woman on the porch. None of them can drive. The police arrest the woman & take her in for questioning. Why did they arrest her?

10 points for the first to get it correct.

1. Don't worry about what people think ... they don't do it very often.

2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program

6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip

7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

12. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

13. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.

14. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

15. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

16. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

17. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

"Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

"You can't go there", says St. Peter; "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that."

Thanks for the star if you chuckled!

Redneck Man's pick up lines

1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Fat Penguin................... Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy , can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep Til afternoon

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "you were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist but now you are a Catholic."Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived,and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's yard clutching a rosary preparing to scold him, he stopped

and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he

carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Many doctors were gathered together for the heart surgeon's funeral. It was very tastefully done according to the hospital's wishes.

After the initial service the funeral directors brought out a large flower arrangement that was shaped like a giant heart. His casket was then passed through the heart into the waiting hearse to symbolize his life's work.

A man in the back started chuckling. All the guests stared at the chuckling man in disbelief. "I'm sorry he said, I mean no disrespect to the departed, but I am a gynecologist & I was just picturing what my funeral will look like"

That's when the proctologist fainted.

Thanks for the star if you laughed at this one.

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

A small, rural West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem, the gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time, redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.

Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to please the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

First, I dont want to have to kiss her

Second.......

Two old ladies were sitting on rocking chairs in their retirement home. One asked, "Do you still ever get horny?"

"Oh, yes!" was the reply.

"What do you do about it?" asked the first.

"I suck on a lifesaver." was the reply.

The first lady sat there for a long while pondering the answer. Finally she couldn't stand it any longer, and asked,

"Who drives you to the beach?"

Thanks for the star if you chuckled.