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Ben
What do you think of my hidden-acrostic sonnet "Necessary"?
I was aiming to meld my two biggest literary influences: William Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe. To get the message hidden within the sonnet (in iambic pentameter, I might add), it is the first letter of the first line, the second letter of the second line, and so one. But since my message was a little too long for the form, included are the last two words of the last line. Enjoy!
Necessary
Such tears, all flowed, have tired my eyes and heart.
Where others held success as I had none,
There hoped a bosom cored of reasoned art
For instances made true had smiles begun
To fissure ice and armoured shells turned rust;
But none I knew sustained the gauntlet Time.
And none maintained their days to earn a trust,
Just processed thoughts a-swirl in rhyme.
From ponderous beginnings never seen—
For man (presumed) hung by queries and jest—
A beauty did shine where none before had been;
And I, unseen, bartered stone ’n my chest
If only she approved th’ guarantee
Made desperate, yearn as I, and she for me.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat is a "L.P. COPYRIGHT"?
Someone on a poetry site I frequent is concerned another someone is stealing his poetry. Finding one of his poems copied on another site and linked to a book of poetry, "LP Copyright" was found on the bottom of the copy and was wondering what it meant. I, so far, have been unable to locate a definition.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat is a "L.P. COPYRIGHT"?
Someone on a poetry site I frequent is concerned another someone is stealing his poetry. Finding one of his poems copied on another site and linked to a book of poetry, "LP Copyright" was found on the bottom of the copy and was wondering what it meant. I, so far, have been unable to locate a definition.
1 AnswerLaw & Ethics9 years agoWill you please c/c my poem "Thank You"?
Thank You
Thank you, Sadism
Thank you, Masochism
you have shown me
the faces of misery
Thank you, Disillusionment
Thank you, Irreverence
you have taught me
to have thoughts
free of other people’s slobber
Thank you to everyone who has
walked through my head
Thank you to everyone who dared
not to travel that twisting path
Thank you to my scars
Thank you to my tears
for carving your memories
so they will not be forgotten
Thank you, Heartache
Thank you, Desire
for teaching me to want
for teaching me to cherish
Thank you, Clarity
Thank you, Time
for allowing me to forgive
myself
Thank you, Silence
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my Poem?
I wrote this about 10 years ago while taking a literature class in college. This is a parody of another [famous] piece.. John Donne predominantly wrote about three things: religion, death, and sex. Knowing this, I inflated the sexual imagery. It is meant to be houmourous. If you wish to compare, http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/bait.php is a link to the original.
The Jailbait
(A Parody of John Donne’s “The Bait”)
*** with me and by my love
And we will some young pleasures prove,
With golden showers and in our buffs
We could even try using handcuffs.
There will the river moaning and screaming play
Warmed by thy thighs more than the sun’s ray.
And there, my enamored whale sill stay
Begging itself it may hold its fruitful spray.
When mine wilts, swimming in thy bath,
My whale, most willingly every channel hath,
Will amourously in thee swim,
Gladder thou caught he than that yonder him!
If thou, with me seen, beest loath,
Thy father and mum, thou enrageth both;
And if myself e’er leave to have seen
Thou art and beest…DAMN! FOURTEEN!?
Others hath spuriously frozen with their anxious reeds;
Been bare-ly content to spend it in the weeds,
O! my treacherously eager whale beset
Thy strangling snare and womanly net;
Remove my bold hands from thy slimy nest,
The embedded whale in thy banks must a minute’s rest,
My curious traitor, trouser-silk fly,
Bewitched my whale with thy wandering eye.
For thee, surely needest to freakin’ wait,
For thou thyself are damn surely jail-bait!
The whale that is so caught thereby
Needs be so much younger than I!
3 AnswersPoetry10 years agoWould you please C&C my first draft poem?
The world darkened at my step
And all were blinded in my wake.
I was a feral blade
Always seeking the penultimate wound;
Bedighted and carried
To impel solitude;
Barring my potential miseries.
I suffered and assured
Worlds bled with me.
Eyes rolled from
Earth to cloud
Hating everything between.
I wore the twin brothers—
Edges of the same sword—
As a benighted badge.
LOVE relegated
A blood pathogen
No practitioner could cure.
My companionable willingness split
Between victim and accomplice.
4 AnswersPoetry10 years agoWould you please C&C my new poem, "Lucky"?
You asked me
If I felt lucky:
Lucky to have you,
Lucky to be with you…
Lucky.
My answer was
As good as silence,
A productive string
Of non-commital white noise
Lacking substance
And satisfaction.
In my defense, indefensible
As it is, I wished a stretch
Longer than minutes
To ponder,
To remember.
To remember
How the gilded lady, with
The brat in tow,
Facilitated our pairing
Where none was visible
Except you.
Then, I had no notion
Of possibilities ahead;
I hold no regret
For what has passed us
And see Fortune still smiling.
2 AnswersPoetry10 years agoWhat do you think of my short poem "I, Sisyphus"?
I push,
Shove,
And work events
To the pinnacle of reason;
But I am pulled
By horns and ring
Beyond endurance.
Each journey up
Is not my penance,
Such rolls over me
At every finale.
7 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoAny suggestions or comments on my new poem?
OBSCURE AUDIENCES
Senses designated differ
From tongue to plume.
Some quills scratch, as
William’s, for faces foreign
To reflections;
A probation of applause
Spurs them in linear effigy,
Chasing the quibbles of posterity
In pubic forms.
Others harbor efforts
Without aims for pleasing masses.
Emily, iin aged fertilities, may have
Stroked pages only for internal ears;
Blinding tableaus
Suffocate understanding, but prime
Imagination.
I own neither train,
Yet resolutely stand amid their contraction;
Plying scenes generated for reasons
Abjured against audiences,
But to jab curiosities.
I lay to be judged by History’s
Scribbled jury,
With eyes looking past measured tics;
Yet deaf to public desires and outrages.
2 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoComments on my rough draft poem?
[ad]minister of rebellion
i, as reigning fist of the vox populi,
severed my own strings;
i, a (s)ain’t in coward’s time
distribute sacriligion
while the dirty word reich
infuses black collared corrective politics;
where words from porno movies
is all They want to believe—
where innocence is counterfused with
dirty
filthy
and eager.
i, a villain necktie of the vaudevillian meatshow,
battle against
trivial forces fighting to be sure I am
obscene and not heard:
candy from the ghetto with a Snow White smile.
but i, labeled their scaped-goat saviour
as if sun is fixed in Their mouth,
remain a hand of five-finger centrist view
never shamed by blame
for the neophyte revolt
to cast out overestimated misunderstanding.
3 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoThoughts on my short poem ?
As an exercise at a poetry group I frequent, we wrote a poem about the person sitting next to us. I had an empty seat on one side, so I wrote about who/what I saw there.
ESCAPIST
Hands, a folded grace
Lying upon her lap
Where no one else sees.
A prim pursing of her lips
Betrays the slighted disappointment.
Her eyes flash
In a muted glare
As if to ask
Why I have abandoned her.
No excuses
Nor explanations
Placate her silent wrath.
Perhaps it behooves
Not to point out
She has hidden
From me.
7 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoDo the I made changes to my poem work?
I have made a few changes, namely breaks in the column o' words it once was. The breaks I chose to emphasize the questions rather than making uniform breaks. I also settled on a title: "A Momentary Lapse of Faith."
Who is assigned the
Duty of retrieving shards of
Shattered identity strewn
About Life’s stained floorboard
Without thought,
Without care?
What miracle doctor shall
Present himself to restore
A heart, not broken, but
With armor fissured to impotence?
A world of glass and mirrors
Tumbles to complete the mayhem
Extant now in the realm
Where gods and angels dare not roam:
A land of girded marble
And trees whipped bare.
A back bowed past a
Creaking tolerance trudges
Down roads bearing unlit torches;
Pausing mere moments at
Each successive intersection
Leading to only more questions.
Hope remains an airy burden whose
Heat bores down on shoulders
Of a weary mind—
Remains winging out of touch,
Tickling at fingertips,
Tormenting the needy.
A fighter, born and made
In and of his own principles,
Slouches uncertain as to maintain
The fight.
No tears mar the face
Tinctured in sun and blood,
But overflow the hole
He once relied on as home.
Poets, even blind ones,
Construct pretty words
To sustain vision;
When shadows arrest eyes
And imprison them in visualizations
Of their own imagination,
What enlightened sight could cure such ails?
Is my battle worth believing,
Or should my marbles
Plant themselves wherever
They may happen to land?
3 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoPlease tell me what you think of my poem?
I would also like some suggestions for a title:
Who is assigned the
Duty of retrieving shards of
Shattered identity strewn
About Life’s stained floorboard
Without thought,
Without care?
What miracle doctor shall
Present himself to restore
A heart, not broken, but
With armor fissured to impotence?
A world of glass and mirrors
Tumbles to complete the mayhem
Extant now in the realm
Where gods and angels dare not roam:
A land of girded marble
And trees whipped bare.
A back bowed past a
Creaking tolerance trudges
Down roads bearing unlit torches;
Pausing only moments at
Each successive intersection
Leading to only more questions.
Hope remains an airy burden whose
Heat bores down on shoulders
Of a weary mind—
Remains winging out of touch,
Tickling at fingertips,
Tormenting the needy.
A fighter, born and made
In and of his own principles,
Slouches uncertain as to maintain
The fight.
No tears mar the face
Tinctured in sun and blood,
But overflow the hole
He once relied on as home.
Poets, even blind ones,
Construct pretty words
To sustain vision;
When shadows arrest eyes
And imprison them in visualizations
Of their own imagination,
What enlightened sight could cure such ails?
Is my battle worth believing,
Or should my marbles
Plant themselves wherever
They may happen to land?
2 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoWhat is your opinion on my [Americanized] sonnet?
FOR YOU
My love for you cannot be a red rose
For a rose--perhaps--shall wither and die;
A crushed heap as vermilion goes,
Charcoal dust in fallen curl to but cry--
And a rose no purpose ever it owned,
But to brighten the gravity of tears;
'Twould be a sorrow only dead men condoned...
Weeping being the broken glass of ears
Shall echo softly in the frothy night
As Cupid bleeds on th' morning sun lances
And Spring morns pass on in the frozen white,
Whilst Aphrodite on th' heart stage dances:
For you, my dear, shall I its qualities praise;
For you, my love, I'll honor the rose all my days.
2 AnswersPoetry1 decade agoWhat do you think of my poem "A Perfect Heart"?
A wrought iron monstrosity,
Forged in abandoned
Arctic crevasse, lies
Sealed in the hoary frost of a
Volcanic world’s ash-blotted sun—
Away from apathetic globes;
With a gore-fanged guardian
Of saber-strewn jaw who remains
Successful against all potential feelers.
An emotional hermit
Stolen away from a viral humanity;
Lonely in retrospection,
Not to the point of action,
Seeking only to wallow in
The flood of memory
Infecting eyes and tongue:
A direct contradiction of wants
Stretched in Time’s own necktie.
Nightly toes peek out into frigid
Streams for another life away
From voided recesses—
Cursed with hesitance,
Blinded by possibilities—
Rush back to the safety of an
Ignorant hope where all live
But none survive
To boast of their journeys.
An unexpected star thaws prisons,
Battalions of sun-armored warriors
Carry light in their charge, shock
The hardened convict to familiar beats
Lost in unrequited desire to be forgotten,
No longer strangled, eased in warmth and
A pulchritude found deeper than the
Cursory beholder bears true. A new existence
Unsought, endowed by acquiescence to fortune.
3 AnswersPoetry1 decade ago