Devin

Hi. I wrote this for a contest, and I'd like a little feedback on it. I've included it in a link so nothing gets cut off. You don't need an account to read it. The contest is to write a story based on a song, which I've linked along with the story, and the story is best read while listening to the song.

http://i-wanted-one-question.tumblr.com/post/36594...

Thank you so much! I appreciate it. <3

I have seen this for quite some time. There are people who say that Ginny, from Harry Potter, is a Mary Sue. I don't understand how. I've read the series countless times, and I really do find that Ginny is a well rounded side character. She does have flaws, even if there are people who refuse to see them.

So. What do you think? Is Ginny a Mary Sue? Why is she?

If you agree that she is not, why is she not?

The main character, Kait, was involved in having another character, Amy, get her legs chopped off. I'm not really sure on how I can go about that, as I want to make it as realistic as possible, without being cliche.

My first idea was that Kait could get Amy high on cocaine, and then take a chainsaw to her legs. Grotesque as it is, Amy would wind up bleeding to death on the carpet before the paramedics showed up. Not only that, but Kait would go to jail.

Another idea I thought of was that Kait could set Amy's legs on fire. However, why would Kait only set Amy's legs on fire? Why not her whole body? It's a bit too awkward, and Kait would still wind up in jail.

I then thought of two other ideas that might keep her out of jail. The first is that Kait takes a baseball bat to Amy's kneecaps, busting her legs. However, Amy doesn't realize this. Amy is blind. Kait takes Amy to the emergency room, pretending to be caring. Kait then pays off one of the doctors--possibly with money, possibly with other ways that I'm not going to discuss--and the doctor takes off Amy's legs.

The other way I thought of was that Amy went in for plastic surgery. Kait sneaks into the hospital and switches the records around, with the help of a nurse friend. Amy's legs are removed.

The second one might be a bit too cliche, and I really don't want that. If you do have any other suggestions, I'm listening.

I don't want suggestions about car crashes or bungee jumping incidents. Kait would not be involved, for one. For two, there would be more serious injuries sustained from something like that.

Also, it's set a bit in the future. The Government has restrictions on things like bungee jumping, because it endangers one's life.

I really don't understand this whole 'vampire' thing. I understand how 'magic' plays a part, but vampires are too much of a plot hole to be even classified as near human.

For example. How are vampires always beautiful? Does their skin magically transform into a thing of beauty once they're a vampire? A zombie, another dead creature, rots. Why doesn't a vampire rot? Is it something in their skin that keeps them from rotting? And, if they're dead, why don't they smell like death and decay? The vampires, that is.

Also, don't dead bodies also carry diseases? If a vampire is walking around and touching things, shouldn't a lot more people get sick from strange illnesses? Vampires are supposed to be hundreds of years old, after all. So, they would have older diseases festering on their skin. Furthermore, as the bacteria meets new bacteria, wouldn't new cases of diseases come to be? I'm not an expert on bacteria and disease, but they seem like a walking cesspool of death.

Could a vampire ever be affected by human diseases, even though they can't die from them? Like cancer. Or the common cold. I know the immune system would have to play a part somehow, and white blood cells would have to be involved. So, vampires might have not any immune system. Therefore, wouldn't they always be sick?

Why is a vampire always rich and never questioned by authority? I get the idea that they would have old money, but there has to be someone in the family who makes awful decisions or is a bad gambler. Or, maybe, they have to pay the police all this hush money. Otherwise, they'd be constantly running from the law, which is also never mentioned. These things aren't cheap. Especially living in grand homes and wearing expensive clothing. They have to pay for things. Like water. And electricity.

Speaking of water, do vampires ever bathe? I mean, even if they somehow don't smell as if they've been dead for a hundred years, they would still smell after a few days after not showering. Why does no one mention that?

And, how can they be even classified as dead if they have human/animalistic needs? They need to feed off of human blood--I don't care what you Twi-clones say; those fairies aren't vampires. They have sexual urges.

Speaking of feeding, don't they ever have to go to the bathroom? Even if all they're doing is drinking, wouldn't they have the need to pee? Do they really need every cell that makes up blood, or that is in the blood stream? Does the blood become fat and store? Wouldn't that mean that there would be fat vampires? What about vampires that get constipated? Or have to always use the bathroom?

She hated airports. More than anything in the world. Something about them being unsanitary. Even when I pointed out that public restrooms were always more disgusting than an airport, she'd only reply, "Yeah. But you can't catch a cold from walking into a public restroom."

"Hey. I'm really going to miss you." I said, moving one hand from the steering wheel and placing it on the volume knob of the radio. I turned the dial towards me, and the music that had been playing fell silent. I placed my hand back onto the steering wheel. Glancing over at her, I noticed that she was fighting back tears. "Don't cry; it's only going to be for a month."

She didn't reply. I glanced at the traffic light above us. Red. All around us were cars filled with people off to their daily life. Of course there would be traffic the morning I had to leave. It wouldn't be Chicago if there wasn't traffic. I never minded traffic when she was with me. Usually, she'd talk to fill whatever silence that takes hold of the car, the one even the radio can't fill, but she'd not said a word since last night.

"What's bothering you? It can't be the fact that I'm going to be in an airport. I know even you can't hold a grudge for something as petty as that." I said, tapping the gas petal as the light turned green. The car behind us honked. "Is it because I took the job before telling you? I thought you wanted me to always go after the jobs that came to me."

Silence. I glanced over at her again. She was glancing out the window, her lips firmly planted on her open hand. Her elbow was awkwardly propped on the door, and her wavy blonde hair hung over her face.

I tried again. "Can you please say something? I'm going to be gone for a month."

"I'm pregnant."

I slammed on the breaks. Honks from agitated drivers all around me sounded off like war cries. "What?"

"Drive, Philip. You're going to get into an accident if you do something like that again."

I could sense the annoyance in her voice. I released the break and let my foot ease onto the gas petal. "You're pregnant? When did you find out?"

"Last week. When you told me you were going to Hong Kong."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I didn't want something like this to take away from you going halfway across the world. You're going to be doing something amazing and important. If you decided to back out of the job because I told you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

I tried to speak but faltered. "I wouldn't back out of the job."

She didn't say anything. I took one hand off the steering wheel and placed it on her head, smoothing her hair. A few silent tear drops fell from her eyes.

"Don't cry, Rach." I whispered soothingly. "This is good news."

"A few months ago, you would have given my money to go and get an abortion. You yourself said you weren't ready for kids." She replied.

"I may not have been ready for kids, but I wouldn't do that. I'm not that much of an asshole."

She fell silent again. "This is going to change everything." She said after a few moments.

"Kids usually do." I replied with a smirk. She shot a glare in my direction, wiping the smirk off my face.

"You're not going to want to take jobs now because you're worried about me. My agent isn't going to want me to go on my scheduled book tour because he'll be worried about me. And once the baby is born? We're not going to have time for anything anymore."

"I can take jobs around the house. There's a lot of work for an architect of my experience. And, I'm sure Mark will still let you travel. He wants you to sell books."

I pulled into a parking spot in the airport parking lot. Turning off the car, I turned to face her. She began to bite her lower lip as she looked at me. "Can we do this? Raise a kid?"

"Why not?" I said, reaching over and tucking her hair behind her ear. She smiled softly.

"Let's get you into the airport. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll be back." She opened her door and hopped out of the car, running over to the hatch. I yanked the keys out of the ignition and opened my door, sliding out of my seat. Closing the door, I walked over to the hatch. I popped the key into the lock and turned, lifting the hatch door up. She grabbed my carry on as I grabbed my suitcase. As I closed the hatch, she walked over to her door and closed it. I tossed her the key and she caught it with ease. She locked the door and walked over to me. With one arm, I pulled my rolling suitcase behind me. With the other, I looped it around her shoulders, pulling her in closer to me. I could feel the tense feeling in her body dissipate.

We made our way over to the doors, watching as people passed by us without a care in the world. As I let go of her shoulder and took the carry on from her hands, she threw her arms around me, burying her face into my chest. My arms wrapped around her, one hand finding the back of her head. I stroked her hair softly as she cried into my chest.

She pulled away after a few minutes, her makeup s