Cliqueless Kayla

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES: THEY'RE REALLY GOOD FOR NOTHING...YET THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

This one comes from "The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales" by Jon Scienzka and Lane Smith. The story is called, 'The Other Frog Prince.' Keep in mind that this story is geared toward kids around the age of six, and I'm going into the eighth grade and this sends me into a fit of hysterics everytime I read it. Which is more of a comment on my sad state of mental stability....

"Once upon a time there was a frog.

One day when he was sitting on his lily pad, he saw a beautiful princess sitting by the pond. He hopped in the water, swan over to her and poked his head out of the weeds.

'Pardon me, O beautiful princess,' he said in his most sad and pathetic voice. 'I wonder if you could help me.'

The princess was about to jump up and run, but she felt sorry for the frog with the sad and pathetic voice.

So she asked, 'What can I do to help you, little frog?'

This comes from "Two-Minute Mysteries Collection" by Donald J. Sobol. The main character for all the mysteries is a famous detective, Dr. Haledjian. So there. NO ONE SUE ME!! If you've heard this before, please don't answer. I want people to figure this out for themselves.

"Turner opened the refridgerator in his mountain cabin and withdrew an ice tray. By the candlelight, Dr. Haledjian could see his hands were trembling as he deposited three cubes ito a highball glass.

Haledjian could hardly blame the young novelist for trembling. They had just come from the den, where Turner's housekeeper, Lucy, lay dead with a broken neck.

'I thought she was a burglar,' exclaimed Turner, downing his drink.

'After the generator failed four days ago,' he continued, 'I lost all electrical power up here. I'd rented the cabin to be alone in order to put a high polish on my latset novel. I like to work at night, but not without lights. So I moved to a motel in town.

Two men are sitting in chairs in a metal cabin in the middle of the forest. Nothing went into the cabin to kill them (like dudes with guns or animals), and nothing went out of the cabin to kill them (like lack of oxygen or whatnot). They did not die of natural causes (heart attack, stroke, etc.). How did they die?

Jack and Jill are lying on the floor beside a table. They're dead. They are surrounded by a puddle of glass and water. They did not drowned. The glass did not cut them. How did they die?

A man was hung from the rafter of his home. Below him is a puddle of water. No one forced him up there, and there is nothing around him for him to have stood on. How did he get up there?

A family of five from a Middle Eastern country moved to America. The oldest child, a boy of seven, went to his second grade class not knowing how to speak English.

"OK," said the teacher. "When you go home today, I want you to learn three words. Come in tomorrow and tell them to me."

The little boy nodded.

When he walked in the door that afternoon, he saw his little brother running down the stairs with a toy rocket in his hand.

"3, 2, 1, TAKE-OFF!!" the toddler yelled.

"Hm..." thought the seven-year-old. "Take-off."

He waddled into the living room. He turned on the TV, which was tuned into the Discovery Channel. A documentary on zebras was playing.

"Hm..." thought the boy. "Zebra."

He waddled into the kitchen, where his mother was cooking dinner. On her hip was his baby sister.

"Hm..." thought the boy. "Baby."

The next day his teacher asked him if he had learned the three words. He nodded.

"What are they?" she asked.

"Take-off. Zebra. Baby." he replied with a smile.

I KNOW that Elvis is alive, living in an underground bunker somewhere, surviving on grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches. However, I seem to be the only one who thinks this way (though I tend not to like to think). How about you? Where do you think Elvis really is?

I already know the answer to this question. Let's see who else can figure it out.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

Send me every answer you can think of. And don't worry about stupid answers: I love those the most.

I already know the answer to this question. Let's see who else can figure it out.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

Send me every answer you can think of. And don't worry about stupid answers: I love those the most.

When someone calls me, and I know who it is, I usually answer in a foreign language, like, "Hola?", "Yo!", or "¿Qué desea usted?" My mom yells, but, whatever. If I don't know who it is, I just say, "Hello?" How about you?