Kieran

I suffer from Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia, and was diagnosed after several tests including an MRI and an Echo showing no structural problems with my heart.

Basically, over the past few days I have been feeling breathless and had to take my asthma inhaler (to not much effect). The main problem is that I have this.. WEAK feeling around my heart area.

I am 18, and on Atenolol (beta blocker) for my heart, and citalopram. As I'm typing I still have this feeling! My pulse is completely normal, and there is no irregularity that I can feel. It got particularly bad when I was in the shower.. My heart began racing (not IVT) and I had to get out and sit down. OH! And I also feel a 'lump' in the left of my throat (just a feeling, not an actual lump)

I have NO idea what it could be... Could my heart have developed a structural problem within the year an a half I've gone without an MRI/Echo? Could it be my lungs?

I'm sorry this is so long... Every doctor I've been too is completely stumped :( I havnt had an episode of IVT in well over a year since being out on meds, so all is good. But if anyone can explain this weak heart feeling, along with breathlessness and the 'lump' in my throat, I'd be grateful :)

Sorry for the length, again.

I know it isn't the answer to everything, but...

Why can't I bare fighting!?

Basically, im 18 years old, 6ft2in tall with a big build.. And ive never been in a real fight..

whenever I argue with someone & they start to get physical, my heart races and I get very shaky.. Then I can't bring myself to do anything! I want to be able to defend myself without this shaking and getting upset! I dont feel like a real man.. And it's extremely psychologically damaging!! Afterward, I get extremely angry & have quite scary thoughts about what I'm gonna do to them (which never happens).

Everyone tells me that "the bigger man walks away" but why should I have to? Why am I scared to be punched in the face! The last thing I want is to get into a fight, do absolute rubbish and end up flat on my face.. Why am I so scared of this? My worst fear is ending up crying like a baby after a punch.. As I have seen this happen -_-.. I've hear stories about my dad getting into fights all the time when he was younger and doing quite well.. So why do I have this barrier that stops me defending myself? & please don't say to go take up boxing or something like that because I have a heart condition and am not aloud.. I have tried!!

Please help! feel like a kitten. -_-

Right.. i *HATE* feeling sorry for myself, but I have to say that my life is shockingly bad.. where do I start!?

1) I have GAD (hypochondria, agoraphobia, panic disorder etc.) so I barely get out and I'm constantly sitting in the doctors surgery convinced I'm dying of some tropical or rare disease/illness :') anyone who has hypochondria in hand with anxiety disorder should know how hard this is alone!!

2) I have ventricular tachycardia - a potentially deadly arrhythmia at age 18!!!

3) I'm allergic to my favourite animals

4) Have severe asthma

5) I keep losing members of my close family :(

6) My little brother has autism and requires constant care (also has epilepsy & a few other things)

7) My mum and dad are always arguing & I have to watch my mum cry and hate her life

8) I'm failing my A-Levels after constant pressure to pass

9) I wake up EVERY day & have to take a purple inhaler, 50mg of atenolol for my heart, and 20mg citalopram... & do the same before I go to bed! (minus the citalopram)

Now.. I'm not sure why I've numbered all of them, but trust me when I say:- that is just the start! :-( I cant even begin to put what I'm going through emotionally!! & it honestly suprises me how I've made it so far.. I constantly have thoughts about an easy way out, but I could NEVER do it due to the thought of leaving my family to suffer :-(.. My life has been falling apart for the past 6-7 years & I just don't see how it's going to get any better! The hardest is yet to come!

This isn't really a question by the way, so sorry if you've read all of this! :( but I needed to vent BIG time! Hasn't really helped much.. Feel like I've missed soo much! :')

I know there are people out there who have it ALOT worse, but it doesn't make it any easier :-( I wish I could do what my dad says & "man up" or "snap out of it"... The only question I have is where the FUDGE do I go from here..?