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I'm really fed up with people right now. And life itself. I'm spiralling into yet another one of those messed up moods where I have no clue what to do next. Because I had no ******* clue today, I turned to this website. I've never been able to understand what goes on in other people's heads. When I try and live by their rules, I become suicidal. I'm tired of all of these ******* moods taking me for a ******* joyride all the ******* time. I've wanted to kill myself more times than I can remember. I question my own value a lot of the time. 

I have difficulty being around people. I can't share ANYTHING with my mother anymore. I hate being in my family. Look, the truth is I think family life is somewhat overrated. I find human beings to be an impossible species. And at the same time, as the title of this post might suggest I don't really get why I exist. My mother annoyed me once again just now. And with nowhere else to turn to, without any idea as of what to do next, I came over here. Because it really does seem like nothing and nobody can help me half the time. 

People try and use this psychological mind voodoo crap to try and convince you that you must ALWAYS like and be attached to your family. But I think that's bullshit. 

I'm not happy with some of the things that are going on around me right now. They say that "this too shall pass". And even when this passes, some of the scars will still remain. Because I will still be disappointed at some of the things that go on around here. I'm often very underwhelmed by the people in this country. And some of the filters include things like: Imaginary planets were certain things are filtered out, or just simply pretending that some people just don't exist. There are times when I've gotten so annoyed I've wanted to filter certain races out. From the questions about the new president on here it seems like they probably wouldn't mind having mexicans filtered out. I don't really like being around people. My mother reminds me why it's nice to be alone sometimes. I get a lot of negative thoughts about my parents.

I have some pretty bad memories. I've been reminded again and again why it's probably best that I don't have that many friends. Sometimes, when you hit a brick wall, depression can be very hard to ignore. What I hate is the dead ends that come with depression. I've had some pretty bad days this year, but last week, and what I'm going through right now, have to be the worst times so far. I made the polls for fun, mostly. I also just wanted a way to just try something out and just go for what it was that I wanted.

It feels like I've hit a brick wall. That's the main problem with my depression. Just thinking about it really zaps my energy. There are some thoughts that I just can't be bothered with anymore. For a while I've figured that Africa has many, many problems. But now I'm starting to see that the whole world is beginning to fall apart. Mainly because of our new dumb, redneck president. It's like the population wants to collapse or something. Now the rest of the world is going to become like the people in Africa (Nigerians, Ghanaians, etc.).

I created those polls because I got pissed off at how underwhelming things can be and how overwhelming depression can be. I was trying to filter stuff out. And here comes this chapter in my life letting me down again. I really should just go for the thought of pretending this chapter doesn't exist, and all sorts of other thoughts that I've always wanted to go for. But have never really had the chance, especially this year, which has just been one depressing day after another. I'll probably get more into thoughts that I've been wanting to go for in future questions.

A few things I've learned today. Certain types of people can really get you down, there are places that are not for certain people, and my parents are really not nice. To be honest a little bit of anxiety is mixed with the two things I just mentioned. It always is. A lot of my life has just been boredom. This year has just been miserable day after miserable day.

I made those polls because I was underwhelmed by the types of people that live in this country. Just when I was settling in they went and pulled this crap. Last week was one of the worst weeks of my life. Especially Thursday. It seems that every time I go for an outing there's something about me that is not quite right. And once again, I'm depressed, without anything to pinpoint. I wanted to try and filter out the types of people with those polls. Some of them, I'm sorry to say, are not that smart. That's why, where I live things keep screwing up, and I get depressed and overwhelmed with all this crap. I won't get into it too much however. I'm just very tired of all the crap that life throws at me. And I'm tired of this thought process that just doesn't work.

I've decided to try a different angle to my problems. I've tried looking for ideas within the depression but sometimes what you need to do is just cut off the head of the snake. I've also noticed that if I'm stationary for too long all I get is a lot of crap in my mind. Life is full of depression, and depression also contains a lot of useless ****. The whole package is here a lot of the time. Anxiety, depression, overthinking, and after a while, fatigue.

My mind is not very coherent right now, and it hasn't been for the past week. It all started when the depression really hit around this same time last week. And I'm thinking to myself, even when these issues are over, will I still be happy with some of these events that went on? Will I be left feeling great about any of this? Because it feels as though some of the scars will still be left from these latest issues and these latest days I've had. I'm not impressed with how this past week has gone, and I'd rather not have something like this happen ever again. I think that was one of the worst weeks of my life actually, especially Thursday.

It did at times feel like I had somethings to do with how the week went. My self-esteem was being challenged, and so was my happiness. I downloaded a video of depression to try and further understand this crap. It's not the first time I've been depressed, and it definitely wont be the last, but it's probably been the worst so far.

What I have learned over the years is that it's probably best not to be around people too often. People are probably preferred in small doses anyway. But in my case, I simply don't like to be around them. My parents are a prime example. I don't like to be around them too much. Last week Friday I decided not to tell my mother too much about anything anymore. If I tell her how I really feel all she does is act like a ***** and put me down. Getting me depressed and lowering my self-esteem. My mother acted like a ***** this morning actually. I avoid her whenever I can. Same goes for my father. My father doesn't annoy me as much, but when he does, my god he acts like an ********.

I don't even want to start remembering some of my drama teachers. Whenever I went there, there were times when I just wanted it to end and just wanted to go home. There are so many things about people that get me down. I see things on TV that even remind me of that sometimes. I've been through crap this year, but the real crap started last week, and it's somehow connected to the people around where I live. Which is why I made those polls. I was trying to create some sort of filter. And I think I need a filter with people in general. Assuming I ever decide to make any more friends.

Because again and again I've been reminded of why I probably shouldn't do that. My brother tends to remind me of that too, especially when our conversations deteriorate. I hate people who come and invade, I really do.

A couple of things I learned last week. One thing being that my mother has become insufferable. Before last week started, I already knew that my mother should be avoided. I'm really tired of her. My parents are both not very nice. I don't spend too much time with my parents, because neither of them are easy to live with. I've never been so depressed in my life. Last week was one of the worst weeks ever. It's things like this that make me want to change a lot of things about my life, because my mother brings me down a lot of the time.

It feels as though I'm just existing right now. Just now I was really tempted to talk to my mother about my problems, but I knew that wasn't a good idea. I resisted. I do feel like a ******* loser half the time, the state that I'm in right now is going to be very, very hard to get out of. I have never wanted to die so badly.

Then I think about annoying things that people say. And I also think about third-world people and their issues, and I think to myself, why does God do this? What was with the tsunami and all the earthquakes? What the **** was up with that? I've been in a third world country for quite a while now. Which is why I tend to get depressed sometimes. And this is the cause for my depression right now, and it's been the cause for the past week. It does feel like I've ****** up my plans this morning, and now I'm really suffering from the unsettlement I'm getting because of it at the moment. I really, really want to slit my wrists right now. It's not the first time I've felt like this. But wow, this is a really **** time I'm going through. Where's the rope? Eventually, I might commit suicide. That's what depression takes us to anyway.

The reason why I made those polls on my previous questions is because my depression was connected to it. I was fed up of a lot of things that went on around where I live. The types of people can get you down here, and I can get really annoyed by this nationality. I often get underwhelmed by this chapter in my life.

My mood has turned sour very fast this morning. And once again I'm overthinking, I'm slightly anxious, and above all, I'm depressed. I have to be honest, I'm a little tired of living right now. This week the only impression I've gotten is that my life is not really about anything. And I know better than to talk to my parents about this because yesterday my mother just kinda shot me down and I decided not to go out of my way to talk to her for the rest of the day. And my father doesn't really help with things like this. My parents are not very nice.

I might have to kill myself sometime in the near future. Every emotion I have is crap. I think of my previous thoughts from this year, they're crap. I try to think of my activities, but they also just feel like crap now. I can't help sometimes but feel like the depression is my fault. Sometimes I wanna hit myself. Sometimes I actually self-harm a bit. I don't really feel much these days. All I feel a lot of the time is confusion, frustration, and boredom. Depending on how my future days go, you might not hear from me for much longer. The last message I send, I'm sorry to say, might actually be a suicide note. It really feels like I've messed up this morning and once again, my self-esteem is suffering because of it. I hardly care about anything anymore. All I can think about is the crap that has been in my past, including the crap that comes from my parents.

Yesterday was one of the worst days EVER. I kept getting depressed again and again and I just couldn't find anything to be happy about. This morning my mother brought me down yet again, after my father brought me down last night. My parents have been a big problem for a while now. They are not very nice, which is why I make sure not to hang around them too much. I particularly made that choice today after having another dispute with my mother. When she started ranting I just waited for it to pass, I've had enough experience with my family, especially with my parents, when not to talk too much. Talking to my mother is a complete waste of time.

I can't be bothered with my usual activities today. I'm sorry but I just don't care. Watching videos I got off the internet seems okay, but playing games does NOT sound like fun with the state I'm in. I'm so bored today that I had to post this. This all started because of a bad experience that happened a couple of days ago. The problem is still kind of there, so with that, and the fact that it has caused so much trouble that I don't even know where or how to backtrack to my original thoughts. And it has caused a lot of hurt. That's the other side of why I'm feeling so depressed right now. My mood fluctuates very rapidly. There are lots of moments where I don't care about ANYTHING. I have never been so tempted to commit suicide. The only reason I'm feeling any kind of motive right now is because I'm typing this in.

This is purely for fun. Well, mostly anyway. A lot is going on in my mind right now and I can't completely take it anymore. So I need to shift my focus to something else. Something light. I saw a poll like this on IGN yesterday, it was sent years ago, but still. Feel free to talk about shape, plumpness or anything really. You can send pictures of your favorites if you want too.

What I've learned from yesterday and today is that my mother is a ******* *****. Which is why I should probably avoid talking to her from now on. My father also annoyed me last night. My mother also got annoyed at my father last night, saying he doesn't help anybody but himself. But truth be told, my parents are not very nice people.

I never really spend that my time with my dad anyway. He's kind of a jerk. My parents, as far as I'm concerned, can go and **** themselves. They say that anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And if yesterday didn't kill me, I'm sure nothing will. All that could happen now is that the depression that I went through yesterday could cause me to commit suicide. I'm sorry but my mother just went and annoyed me again just now. This morning my mother has been a ***** again. She's put me down just now, and I'm sure it wasn't voluntary, but my self-esteem has suffered because of it. This kind of thing makes me wish for certain other things, which I'll get more into in my next questions on YA.

It doesn't feel like anyone really cares right now. My mother is a blaze' *****. To be honest I feel as though this whole ordeal is kind of my fault. I want to commit suicide. My life doesn't feel like it means anything. I want to hang myself, slit my wrists, anything to kill myself. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. My life doesn't seem to be worth anything. I've tried to be patient, I've tried to look for things to be positive about, but to be honest, this part of my life is just crap. It's just complete crap, from start to finish.

It's all depression, it's all frustration, it's all crap. That's all I feel right now, that's all I can see. I might kill myself sometime in the near future. It gets more and more tempting by the minute to leave a suicide note to my family and just end the suffering. I'm sick of these ******* feelings. I'm not impressed by what life has thrown at me this time. This could be my last post ever. Because my life has tested my patience one time too many. My parents have also annoyed me one too many times. And I'm fed up with people. I've been given so many reasons not to have anything to do with them. One of which is that they just don't care. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't commit suicide?

I just watched a video on depression because well, it's how I feel right now. My mother suggested that I look for the good thoughts, and I'm trying but, there's not really anything there. My activities are just not fun anymore. Instead all I can think about are some of the really annoying traits that people have. "It's time to move on", things like that get me down in my privacy. I find others very annoying a lot of the time.

All I've gotten today is just symptoms of depression, fatigue and a little bit of boredom. I hesitate when going to talk to people about this, because I don't know if they'll just make it worse. It's like a bad memory, after awhile nobody really cares about it but you. People just don't care. That's why I don't really like them.

Depression seems to have opened up a new portal for me. I've been through so much crap that now this has happened. I'm so tired of living right now. 2016, in a lot of ways, has been the worst. I've tried idea after idea, several ways to try and make my condition seem less weird and terrible than it actually is. But a lot of ideas have lasted for all of five minutes and a lot of them sucked. Just like the motives that made me start those thoughts to begin with. You can always tell from a mile away when a day is going to be terrible. Because a lot of them start as they intend to go on. With you just going about the day trying to figure out what ideas to use to try and pretend the day is actually any good, but nothing works.

What I mean is, should I have everything involved in my thoughts? The thing is, I don't like to take too much in my imagination because it feels like greed whenever I try that, but it doesn't seem like I have any other choice.

So many fantasies I've wanted to go with, but have never truly had any reason to. I've always waited for these to arrive but it has never happened. I've been waiting for things like that all year. I had, or at least had been attempting to use the law of attraction. I wanted a sort of step-mother figure, and a few days later, my brother mentioned a "Sugar-Mommy".

I've also always thought of racial fantasies. But not very seriously. I always wonder if I should just pursue with this one. Some of these things involve Latina Island, Planet White, 50. ft Asians, etc. And then there's things like making things more adult, like Snow White, or adding a few adult elements to The Wizard Of Oz or something. The thing is, I'm a little tired of just having my thoughts go around in circles. This week has really put my patience to the test. I haven't had a clue what to do, which in turn, has caused fatigue and depression.

Today I realized that I don't care about anything right now. All the energy, all the life, all the happiness is sucked out of me right now. Depression seems to have gone one step too far this time. 2016 has not been about anything. It's just been one depressing day after another with my mother putting me down and my father just talking ****. All I can think of right now is bad memories. I can't be bothered with my usual activities right now. The things that I find fun, I just don't give a **** at the moment.

I've had some terrible times, but this has to be one of the worst. My body and mind are both in a bit of a state right now. And I want to kill myself. There were too many variables in my head just now, none of which were very coherent, so I decided to post this. It's all I really care about doing right now because I'm so ******* bored and so ******* tired of everything at the moment. I've tried several times this year, particularly this week to try and find something to get me through this. But the truth is, this chapter of my life has brought me a lot of ****. There's a lot of stuff that can bring you down around my area, and it happens all the time. This is one time too many.

This year doesn't seem to have been about anything. I'm so tired and bored with everything right now. I'm tired of trying to look for ways to make my life enjoyable even when I'm in such depressing times. Nothing really makes any sense right now, and at the moment I'm a little bit sick of it. I've wanted to take my life so many times. I'm bored of this game of cat and mouse. This year has just felt like a steaming pile of crap. It's just been depressed mood after depressed mood and bad day after bad day. I've felt hopeless many times this year. Now I want to commit suicide.

Sometimes I get very tired. I also get very tired of thinking. Trying so hard to find answers. But to be honest, there's something that I've been trying to ignore all day, but I can't do that anymore. Yesterday I tried out questions on here for fun, mostly. But later that day something happened to bring me down, and I was left wondering what to think next. Should I just carry on, or should I take advantage of the fact that there are problems with this part of my life?

In the last 20 minutes I've been tempted quite a few times. I'm not quite sure how to explain it but it feels like the race questions I asked yesterday are somehow connected to how I'm feeling right now. Perhaps it's the kind of people that live here, I'm not sure. A problem like this occurred yesterday. I had a slightly difficult morning because of it, and the problem continues. Makes me wonder if I should carry out the fantasies in my imagination.

At least I have an idea as of what to do now. Because this morning was quite depressing.

Mental, and physical fatigue. One big thing that I've learned over the years is how little I actually get along with people. It all started a very long time ago. I really hate being ganged up on. It has been suggested by my family before that maybe I should just stop talking to them. More than once. I can't turn to them for advice anymore, not really. From time to time over the last couple of years, I've wondered if my life would have been easier with more friends, but I've been reminded again and again that maybe that's not such a good idea.

My self-esteem also suffers because of this. About two weeks ago it dawned on me how I really don't like being around my family sometimes. After an encounter with somebody I get scarred for a bit, then it goes down for a while, then the memory from time to time, comes to haunt me forever. Or at least, it goes away for a few years then comes back to bite me. It felt like I made a slight blunder this morning and it's felt like I've made another blunder just now. I really don't get along with my mother that well anymore. My parents make me kind of tired actually. I also see things, particularly on TV that get me down like this and remind me of things I've known for a while now. I realized I was depressed a long time ago.