Mike R

I am trying to amend taxes to include it.

Can I still drink orange juice?

Too late. I already did. Where were you at, dick?

I was at this restaurant and I saw this Spanish guy. So I went over and I donkey punched him in the uterus. I told him, "hey! Get out of here Don Juan." Of course I just assumed that was his name. He looked at me and said "Tu puto! Tu madre estudia my escroto." What the hell does that mean? Did he want to mow my lawn?

I don't know. Take a look: http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb201009012241...

I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED ON MY CAPS LOCK AND NOW I CANT TURN IT OFF! NOW EVERYONE THINKS THAT I AM YELLING AT THEM! THIS IS RUINING EVERYTHING! BECAUSE OF THIS I JUST GOT FIRED AT MY JOB, MY GAY LOVER CHINO LEFT ME, MY MOMS DEAD, MY SISTERS PREGNANT, MY BUTT HURTS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MY DAD IS RUNNING AROUND YELLING HERE KITTY KITTY! ALL BECAUSE OF THIS! SOMEONE PLZ HELP!

I started dating this girl about ten years ago and everything has been great. Eight years ago I got really sick and I needed a kidney transplant. Turns out she was a perfect donor match, and she donated her kidney to me. Clearly, since then we have been extremely close. I love her very much. However, yesterday we were making out and she farted. Should I break up with her? She is Russian so this could lead to issues.

I have had an issue feeling sick to my stomach in the evenings. This morning I feel fine, but my complexion is extremely green. All day everyone kept commenting on how green I look. Is there some condition that would make me this green? Please look at the picture that I just took: http://bit.ly/1N6rrwI

I was in my first basketball game. I went out there and I tried. First possession, I stole the ball and laid the ball up and in. Turns out, I stole the ball from my own teammate and scored on my own hoop. A minute later, someone was streaking down the floor on a break, and I came up behind him and blocked the S out of him. Turns out that was the same teammate I stole the ball from. After D ing this fruitloop dingus up, and completely taking him out of the game, my coach called timeout, and yelled at me! "What are you doing you idiot?" Pretty soon that other guy got all mad at me and started yelling at me too. Eventually I got back in the game, this time I was pissed! I got back in, that same kid got the ball, and I fouled the crap out of him. I knocked him down, and he broke his coccyx. However! Lucky me, there was no foul because it was my own teammate. My coach took me out and never put me back in again. Loser.

My question is, how do I get over a game like this? What can I do? Everyone tells me "I suck" and some threw things at me (orange street cone).

Other background information: I am 37, and this is an 8 and under league.

I was in my first basketball game. I went out there and I tried. First possession, I stole the ball and laid the ball up and in. Turns out, I stole the ball from my own teammate and scored on my own hoop. A minute later, someone was streaking down the floor on a break, and I came up behind him and blocked the S out of him. Turns out that was the same teammate I stole the ball from. After D ing this fruitloop dingus up, and completely taking him out of the game, my coach called timeout, and yelled at me! "What are you doing you idiot?" Pretty soon that other guy got all mad at me and started yelling at me too. Eventually I got back in the game, this time I was pissed! I got back in, that same kid got the ball, and I fouled the crap out of him. I knocked him down, and he broke his coccyx. However! Lucky me, there was no foul because it was my own teammate. My coach took me out and never put me back in again. Loser.

My question is, how do I get over a game like this? What can I do? Everyone tells me "I suck" and some threw things at me (orange street cone).

Other background information: I am 37, and this is an 8 and under league.

Thanks!

I had been feeling awful for a long time... brain fog, fatigued, out of it in general, some muscle twitching too. After many dr's appointments they tested my blood and found out that I have low vitamin D. Dr gave me 50,000 mg of vitamin D to take once a week. Just five days after my first dose, I feel a decent amount better, but not perfect yet.

Question 1) This low vitamin D was probably the source of my fatigued/brain fogged feeling?

Question 2) Today I have had some muscle twitching in my finger where my finger almost bends or twitches just slightly. This a sign of the low vitamin D?

I was eating at a Spanish restaurant, and this crazy Cuban comes up to me and says "Tu Madre peinaba mi pendejo. Ahora es bonita." What does this mean? Did he want to sell me some pesos? Probably...

So I went out with this girl named Amanda and we saw "Mr Peabody and Sherman" (Id give it a B-) and we ate at Tony Romas. Afterward we went back to my house and we were munching on some escamoles. Anyway, I guess at some point she got some hankering for some of my good ole meat lizard. So we go back and start kissing. So I lift up my old meat hammock there and tell her to lick it. Eventually I pull it back and hit her on the forehead with it. (She was with it).

So after about 18 minutes I drove her home. I called her maybe a month later but now she won't return my call. WTF? Another one of those stuck up tramps or is she out of the country?

Let me know what you all think.

I was eating at a Spanish restaurant, and this crazy Cuban comes up to me and says "Tu Madre peinaba mi pendejo. Ahora es bonita." What does this mean? Did he want to sell me some pesos? Probably...

When my AC at my house is on, it is fine, and cools my house well. The second that it cycles off and the fan starts to stop you hear a high pitched whining sound for a few seconds coming from the blower. Any ideas? Thanks.

For two and a half months I suffered with bad fatigue and lightheadedness. The best way I can describe it is that I felt drunk and tied all the time. I also had some stomach cramps at night. Lately a lot of that has improved (maybe 80% improvement) but I sort of have these eyelid twitches today. I am really freaked out that I have MS or something. I am nervous about it... But I have had a long battle with anxiety... So maybe it is just that? What do you all think? Thanks.

So I walked in on this guy with my mother and he said "tu chocha! Yo quiero la chocha de su madre, puto!" I think he was telling me to mow his lawn or eat some pudding but I am not sure. Thanks.

I have this crazy neighbor, and I told him to get the hell off my lawn. He looked at me with a straight face and said "tu madre limpiaba mi escroto" and then he ran away. What does this mean? Does he want to come to dinner?

So some time ago I was awoken by a squeeky sound. I woke up & sitting on my chest was a squirrel & he was looking me in the eye! I was like "holy cow who the deuce are you?!" & to my amazement the squirrel responded "shh! it's me Walter." Now, that was shocking, but it wasn't nearly as shocking as the old 19th century white suit he was wearing (I am guessing 1860s to be more precise). He also was wearing a red poor boy cap and he bowed to me as he introduced himself revealing his parted cowlicked hairdo.

Anyway the squirrel told me to follow him, & I ran after him. He lead me up the road past 3 mailboxes and up towards the creek. After crossing the creek he gave me a raft and I got in. I floated down the stream for 6-7 hours until I got to the end and was greeted by a group of 24-30 other squirrels! They cheered when the saw me and showered me with gifts! (Mainly nuts and berries, and one gave me the book "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" by Carson McCullers circa 1940.)

Anyway, the head squirrel Maureen spoke up & said they want me to take out a vulture that had been bothering them. I accepted the challenge and waited until I saw the vulture! He landed and said "look what we haves here!" That was my cue! I grabbed him & put him in a bag. Then, the squirrels came out and put a hex on him and he disappeared! The squirrels cheered and cheered yelling "you did it!"

Now heres the unbelievable part: I then walked down the path & ended up at an old hut. How do I get home??