Josa

Most people put a lot of thought in their answers.

I've read it can be done but how?

In June, my oldest daughter was killed in a single engine plane crash.  Prior to that, in August, my mother died.  The first of this February, my youngest and only other daughter died suddenly from a blood clot after knee surgery.  I see other people talk about their loved ones who have passed and, I can't even think their name without crying.  It seems I've cried every day since last august. Have any of you lost your kids like this?  Does the pain ever get to a point where you're not a wreck all the time.  I just can't wrap my mind around this. 

I asked this question once before and got one answer. I thought I would post it again to see if I could get some more input.

I got a ticket the other day in Dubuque County Iowa for going past a park police officer in another lane who was a part of a speed trap and had another vehicle stopped. As I came over the crest of the hill, I put my breaks on because all the stopped vehicles took me by surprise. There was a sheriff's vehicle behind the park officer's vehicle on the same side of the road. The speed limit was 35. I was going about 30. It said that my average speed from the stop sign approx. 5-8 blocks away was 32.5 miles per hour on my vehicle. The park officer was over 30 feet away from my vehicle on the shoulder of the far lane on a two lane road right over the crest of the hill and therefore invisible to on coming traffic until you were right on him.

The other officer, according to the officer who stopped me, motioned for him to pull out and stop me because, he THOUGHT I was going too fast. The sheriff vehicle pulled into his lane, went down over the hill, turned around, came back up the hill, during this time I was out of his sight, and stopped me at the very bottom of the hill. When the sheriff deputy said I was speeding, I asked what he clocked me at and he said he did not clock me nor did he pace me. He said that they THOUGHT I was going too fast. I have searched Iowa codes and also checked out the driver's testing questions on the web and, in that testing site, it says that if you come upon a vehicle with flashing lights what should you do. The answer is: pull over in the other lane if at all possible. I WAS in the other lane. I am going to take it to court. Any suggestions? I think this is a case that can be won. I cannot believe that any court would judge on what someone thinks rather that actual documented proof. Also in the codes it says failure to comply to this code is a maximum fine of $100.00. He gave me a ticket for $200.00. I KNOW I was not speeding and one question I have is, why did they stop vehicles at location that was totally invisible to oncoming traffic. Thanks!

I got a ticket the other day for going past a stopped officer in another lane. The speed limit was 35. I was going 30. They stopped me and said I was speeding. I asked what he clocked me at and he said he didn't clock me nor, did he pace me. He guessed my speed. He passed me going down a big hill and I was already over the hill therefore out of his sight for at least 45 seconds to a minute. The stopped officer was over 30 feet away from my vehicle on the shoulder of the far lane on a two lane road right over the crest of the hill and therefore invisible to on coming traffic until you were right on him. I live in Iowa. This happened in Dubuque County, Iowa.

I posted this once already but, want a few more answers to show my daughter. You will, hopefully, understand after you read this. Thanks in advance!

This may be a bit long. However, I will try to keep it as short as possible. My youngest daughter has a live in boyfriend who she just won't take a good hard look at. He walks around 24/7 with the cell phone ear piece in his ear and talks on the phone LOUD outside so everyone will notice him. He signed up for a college course through the V.A. so he could get x amount of dollars over and above all his disability checks and so he could get a new computer. He will contribute to the household but, he's very controlling with his money and hers. He tells me he's the 'main' of the family and he takes care of his family but, he picks and chooses what he will pay for instead of paying 1/2 of everything and the daughter paying 1/2 of everything. He constantly looks over her shoulder to read what she is texting or insists to know who she is talking to on the phone. However, he is very private with his stuff and will ask her to leave the room when he puts his passwords in..but, he has to know hers. He rarely lets her go anywhere alone. He's always thinking she's sneaking off and seeing some man. He jumps right in the middle of my daughter and her girls when there may be a problem and tries to take control. He always says, 'I'm grown". "You have to respect me", "I have accomplishments", "I'm 43 years old and I've been around the world". He does not work and does not want to. He's always in the middle of everything trying to be in control. My daughter feels that since she was a drug addict before (she's been clean18 months) that she doesn't deserve any better. He says she couldn't do better than him. She's afraid she cannot make it on her own. I have tried to bring things to her attention. Especially the way this is affecting her kids. She tells me one thing and does another. She sticks up for him then she hates him. I tried very hard to like him but, he is so transparent I just can't act one way and feel another. He will not have anything to do with me, won't come in the house and will wait outside when he brings my daughter here but, he wants me to send him a thanksgiving dinner tomorrow cause he won't come for dinner. And, he uses my other vehicle. I've talked to him, very nicely, and tried to make him aware of his behavior and how it affects the girls. He just tells me he's grown etc., etc., or that I dont understand. I was understanding when he was still in diapers! So, there's the story pretty much. Now, I want to know if there is anything you can think of, that I haven't, to either make him see how insecure and controlling he is and maybe he could work on it (by the way he just got of a 60 day rehab for his behaviors) or, do something to show my daughter how he has changed all their attitudes (no one smiles etc. much anymore) or, a way to help my grand kids deal with the crazies. Thank you for your help...there are times you can help others and times you just cannot come up with the right thing to help yourself. I've tried everything I know to do. So, I thought I'd let them read your answers to this question. JOSA

This may be a bit long. However, I will try to keep it as short as possible. My youngest daughter has a live in boyfriend who she just won't take a good hard look at. He walks around 24/7 with the cell phone ear piece in his ear and talks on the phone LOUD outside so everyone will notice him. He signed up for a college course through the V.A. so he could get x amount of dollars over and above all his disability checks and so he could get a new computer. He will contribute to the household but, he's very controlling with his money and hers. He tells me he's the 'main' of the family and he takes care of his family but, he picks and chooses what he will pay for instead of paying 1/2 of everything and the daughter paying 1/2 of everything. He constantly looks over her shoulder to read what she is texting or insists to know who she is talking to on the phone. However, he is very private with his stuff and will ask her to leave the room when he puts his passwords in..but, he has to know hers. He rarely lets her go anywhere alone. He's always thinking she's sneaking off and seeing some man. He jumps right in the middle of my daughter and her girls when there may be a problem and tries to take control. He always says, 'I'm grown". "You have to respect me", "I have accomplishments", "I'm 43 years old and I've been around the world". He does not work and does not want to. He's always in the middle of everything trying to be in control. My daughter feels that since she was a drug addict before (she's been clean18 months) that she doesn't deserve any better. He says she couldn't do better than him. She's afraid she cannot make it on her own. I have tried to bring things to her attention. Especially the way this is affecting her kids. She tells me one thing and does another. She sticks up for him then she hates him. I tried very hard to like him but, he is so transparent I just can't act one way and feel another. He will not have anything to do with me, won't come in the house and will wait outside when he brings my daughter here but, he wants me to send him a thanksgiving dinner tomorrow cause he won't come for dinner. And, he uses my other vehicle. I've talked to him, very nicely, and tried to make him aware of his behavior and how it affects the girls. He just tells me he's grown etc., etc., or that I dont understand. I was understanding when he was still in diapers! So, there's the story pretty much. Now, I want to know if there is anything you can think of, that I haven't, to either make him see how insecure and controlling he is and maybe he could work on it (by the way he just got of a 60 day rehab for his behaviors) or, do something to show my daughter how he has changed all their attitudes (no one smiles etc. much anymore) or, a way to help my grand kids deal with the crazies. Thank you for your help...there are times you can help others and times you just cannot come up with the right thing to help yourself. I've tried everything I know to do. So, I thought I'd let them read your answers to this question. JOSA

I hope this will not be too long but, I want to give you the facts so that any advice that's given is given with accurate information. I have two vehicles. My daughter has recently moved to my state and has no transportation. In our area, there are no buses etc., it's a rural area. I loaned her my car. I told her I did not want her going all over with the car. It was to be used for things like doctors visits, emergencies, grocery shopping etc. She takes the car all over the country side for any reason or anything she feels like doing. She has put tons of miles on the car, got hit by a deer, ran up over an embankment, tore up the whole side of the car, crinkled the hood, pushed the radiator all out of wack which caused water hoses to break etc, got scrapes and scratches all over the car. I told her that when she took the car it had a new paint job and there were NO scratches dents or anything on the car. She told me it was normal wear and tear and she couldn't help it of someone else did something to the car in a parking lot ...it wasn't her fault. I told her she had to pay to have all the body work that needed to be done on the car. She doesn't think she should have to pay for every dent scrape or scratch.

I don't want to be a b**** but, I feel she should be responsible for the damage sustained while the car was in her possession. By the way, I only have liability insurance on the car. Now, she and her boyfriend are talking about buying a car and I felt that if they could afford to buy a car they should repair mine first. I feel that they'll get a car and the heck with 'granny'.

Am I being unreasonable? I have talked to them but, I want to know what you would DO and SAY in this situation. I'm torn between being a b***ch and a tr**k!

I cannot remove a contact! HELP!!!?

This person wanted to add me as a contact so, I added her. Then when I went to her profile I found I found out that she had me blocked. I know who it is now, and want to remove her but, it says 'error' on the page'. How do I remove her, quickly? Thanks!!

She has a number of yahoo ID's by the way..

I'm getting a lot of thumbs down and was wondering what is wrong with the answers. Or, are they alright? Do they contain things people just don't want to hear or what? I always try to give a lot of information and use my experiences in family counseling, and include sites obtained from the web, to back up a lot of my answers. Thanks!!

My 37 year old daughter, YES, 37, has been living with me for 6 months now. She had been doing drugs heavily since she was 13. She has been sober these 6 months. My problem is, she loves to pick on me. She pokes me with things, just now she pinched my ear really hard with a pair of wire dikes. She pulls hair, sticks her fingers in your ear, gives you wedgies etc. I have told her I don't like it. I've told her to stop. I've gotten really angry. I've talked to her in a calm manner. I pinched her darned ear!! She is supposed to be helping with the house work. She says she will then goes to sleep for 2 days. Then, gets angry when I tell her we have to get the house clean. Don't get me wrong, she does help but, in her own way and in her own time. I used to counsel people and you would think I could handle this. Well, I CAN"T!! I just want some opinions or options that you may be able to come up with. Maybe something creative. I sure don't know what to do anymore! Thanks!!