Mona G

Did you both make it happen? Can you make it happen?

If you have ever gotten out of a relationship with a Narcissist, you realize what I am talking about. I have a plan, but because of the economy I am unable to find a full time job with benefits right now. He seems like he isn't even thinking about the divorce, because I don't think he cares whether I live here or not, it will not interrupt his life and how he's lived it (has no idea about the fidelity anymore - after two affairs, I quit checking up on him) and I know I will be stuck here for a while living with him.

I already made other plans for Thanksgiving with my children and we are going to be with loving caring family members and away from him and his self pitying BS (I decided to divorce him after realizing he still lies about his smoking pot and believes he is superior and can drive me and the kids under any conditions including being high and drinking) and it is HIS fault our marriage is over but he is trying to make at least my 8 year old son feel sorry for him. I mean, he is pretty damn pitiful, but only because he feels sorry for himself when he should be sorry to those that he's hurt.

It just drives me insane to think that he could at this moment be plotting totally rotten things against me and I'd have no idea (he's a huge liar) and that I still feel committed to behaving in a decent way that sets a good example for the kids. I feel like a sitting duck, but I do not want to turn into a narcissist to divorce one! Everyone says Hide money - but I think that's being as bad as the narcissist. I am looking for solutions on how to maintain my sense of balance and not get angry at the ridiculousness of his attitudes. Anyone been through this and have some good perspective and advice?

Every third question on here, strikes me as coming from some bored teenager home from the summer or a "message board poker" player.

Do you ever get that feeling too?

My mormon neighbor didn't tell her kids that their father was a child molestor. She says she found out when the sex offender notice went around our town. I thought he was a polygamist who got caught, but she says he went to jail for molesting an eleven year old boy. We bent over backwards to be nice to their family after she kicked him out, and she's does nothing but kick me in the teeth because of it. At first I told my kids not to talk to her kids about it. Then I felt all bets were off, and she gets what she deserves. My son was frustrated because he knows all about it, and he told his friend about his dad, maybe to warn him, maybe because he thought he had a right to know. But only after we found out she was allowing their pedo dad, unsupervised visitation, and leaving them over night w/ him.

Did my son do wrong by telling her? I read a book that explains her approach, according to what her Mormon co-horts have been doing for years, lying about and protecting pedo's.

I am renewing my vows at the beach and can't seem to find a pretty enough, inexpensive enough shorter dress, that's casual yet beautiful for my 15th anniversary vow renewal. I'm between a size 7 - 10 (hopefully more like a seven if my diet works) and I wanted something very beautiful that you can wear a bra with (read... not halter, or low back). Who has pretty cream colored, beach appropriate, inexpensive (below $75) weddingy type dresses?

It seems like I'm having trouble convincing myself that my husband's alcoholism and his constant lying are connected. He even quit drinking for a long time and the lying never stopped. Just recently its been getting worse, and he denies everything as a way to deal with problems that come up, including breaking his promises to me.

How on earth did you deal with the lying and trust issue? He won't even hear me say, or acknowledge that he is the one who broke my trust and gets angry when I do not take him at face value. Please, if you dealt with this, share what you can, I need to hear others speak about it too. I feel very alone.

But I can't make it. We have to choose for a July event NOW, because when the tax rebate comes in, we need to pay for it all THEN (read.. next week or sooner we need to make a decision)

1.) Stay at a posh Inn w/ the Spa we want, indoor pool and restaurants nearby. We will have an off site restaurant cater our vow renewal and they agreed to give us the space FREE. I One of the reasons we're having the Vow Renewal off site, is because I wasn't being helped, and felt ignored and snubbed by the person they kept telling me I needed to ask. She wasn't helping me, and I couldn't wait for her to make our decision. All the fun stuff is nearby, but not a huge state park. Its right on the river, its beautiful, but pricey and we'll have to eat every meal at a restaurant.

2) A chalet that's a closer drive to our house, that's close to a lake, We have total control of our vow renewal, using the house, the lodgings are cheaper, the food and liquor will be cheaper. See other comments!

We went through a hard time finding what we wanted for a mini reception after our vow renewal. Its going to be very small and we finally decided to opt out of our previous arrangements (staying at a hotel and asking the hotel to cater our mini reception) and are renting our own chalet.

That means I have to either buy or make appetizers for our after party. What appetizers would you suggest? Its our 15th wedding anniversary and its only going to be like 10 people.

My husband likes beef and I like seafood, but hate scallops. We both like cheese, I like fruits and veggies. I also know there's a Giant supermarket nearby and might ask them to cater something, but not sure what to ask for. Even somethings I could heat up would be good.

I need a few answers here, actually. I am looking for the vocabulary involved in how to gauge the thickness and thinness of bridal veiling. I know with sheets, its thread count, but w/ veiling, what do they call each type?

I'm looking to buy fabric online, and I wanted to get a very small quantity of ivory veiling that is soft, that you can sew embroidered sequined designs on, and that is almost invisible. I have seen veils that show the whole back of the gown, and I don't even know what that kind of veiling is called! This is for a vow renewal and Its going to be more like a hair decoration, rather than a veil, like a drape, off the barette or comb in the back of my hair, not dropping too far down. I've heard the "experts" say don't wear a veil to vow renewals, but I'm not accepting their dictatorship and changing the custom to do my own thing. :) It really means something to me to wear one and to have my daughter create the design for the embroidery.

We are renewing our vows for our 15th wedding anniversary. I planned to stay at a posh resort, and I have tried several times to ask them if its okay with them for us to use the grounds for a vow renewal. They are making me VERY nervous, because they aren't answering my direct questions sometimes. I feel really weird, because they rent areas on the grounds, they charge HUGE amounts of money, and I have said we're only having like 6 people there and what do they have to offer me... and I get no answers!? I'm trying to plan, but the wedding consultant won't even call me, and I'm not sure why, but I suspect its because my budget is roughly the cost of ONE of their 100 appetizer plates (My budget for 6 people is $200.00 - their appetizers are like $180.00 for 100). I feel weird, poor and unnappreciated. Should I cancel my stay there? The hotel has many amenities, but I could host my own event at a house and drive to a spa/swimming and it would be cheaper. What would you do?

I've been married 15 years and my husband has had two affairs that I know of. The last one he admitted, but only after much prodding. I completely do not trust him or his desire to be close to me or to let me know what really happened in our marriage.

Although we did work out most of our issues, sometimes my anger flares up to unbelievable levels and I just get so damned ANGRY! I remember things that happened a while ago, that maybe were more than I thought they were. Things that made me suspicious. If you dealt with infidelity, and you forgave them(please if you left, your answers will not help me) how did you deal w/ the anger after the crisis had passed? I have trouble w/ the idea that he said in counseling "Why does everything have to be so out in the open all the time?". I'm scared, still, and he has a habit of patronizing me and putting me off, instead of answering my questions about it.

My husband and I are having our vows renewed on our second honeymoon for our 15th anniversary. We originally just wanted to be alone. But It felt wrong, my conscience was bothering me about renewing our vows without having family present, so we invited them. Most said no. We can barely afford to be on vacation. I already have to pay for my parents car rental, and I can't afford squat.

We're going to the pocono's, and I wondered if anyone had any low cost ideas about how we could do "something" after the vow renewal, because we cannot afford to take between 6 - 15 people out to dinner. I thought of drinks and dessert, but even that could get expensive! Our vow renewal is super informal, by the lake and my husband isn't even wearing a suit. I'm wearing a nice dress and carrying flowers and the kids are involved. I have NO idea what to do, NONE!. The hotel is NOT being very helpful because I guess its one of those things they can't make money on. Our hotel room is tiny!

We were joking around today, about my husband bringing our child to work. He had to do reviews and everyone was angry and my husband said that our children would have run away crying.

I had to laugh. Then I realized what a priceless short film or comedy sketch that would make. Who else can think of jobs where you should probably not bring your child to work. And garbage truck cleaner is not where I'm going w/ this. A child woudln't be traumatized by bringing them to a smelly garbage truck, they might be grossed out, but not disgusted.

I'm talkin... skyscraper construction worker, prison guard for a high security prison, gynecologist... etc.

Can you think of any more?

Which shoes for my July outdoor, by the lake, small personal vow renewal? I want platforms to protect my toes from mud Our theme is dressy, but my shoes have to be walkable (only wedges) My husband is 8"taller, so high heels, Here's my dress: http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b44/psychicmuse/...

Here's the shoes: I was hoping for dressier and white heels:

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b44/psychicmuse/...

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b44/psychicmuse/...

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b44/psychicmuse/...

I also considered a thong sandal if I was desperate.. but not flip flops! http://www.6pm.com/n/p/p/7219257/c/385.html

Any new links to any gold/ivory/beige wedge bridal plaform shoes good!

I hear the sound mostly going around turns and driving on uneven roads. We looked at the undercarriage and can find nothing dangling from under the van. Sometimes it just makes the sound out of nowhere. It sometimes is preceded by a creak, then a clunk and it seems to emanate from the passenger side wheel area, and sometimes I've felt the vibrations below my feet while sitting in the passenger side.

I don't want to know how much energy it costs to recycle, rather than how much energy it costs to manufacture. What I want to know is HOW MUCH POLLUTION IS CREATED IN THE RECYCLING PROCESS. Then I can compare how much pollution is caused in the manufacturing process and see which is more polluting.

Do not post answers citing how much energy is used, because that is NOT a correct answer, because you cannot count on coal being used as the electricity generator anymore. There is wind and solar power being used in a lot of places and that will change. I want to know how much pollution is created in the plastic, aluminum and paper recycling processes. I noticed a huge stench and poor air quality near a recycling plant nearby, that's why I'm asking.

I am getting my vows renewed and have decided I am carrying a beautiful perfectly suitable small hand tied bouquet. I need instructions on how to make one, how to pick flowers for one and how on earth do I get flowers when I am on vacation! I checked most of the stores and cannot count on them having good flowers or any flowers, as they said they have them "from time to time". Florist's flowers will be too expensive, I don't like silk, my husband doesn't either (he wants it to be special and meaningful and silk to him doesn't seem appropriate) and I don't want to spend my vacation time doing things like shopping all across town for a bouquet.

I checked the places that send you flowers and they are really expensive too! But in the long run, if I could afford it, I would totally go that route. I would most appreciate answers from people who have actually made their own bouquets instead of links online, but will take those, cause I can't find any!?

I came onto the internet looking for intelligent creative, supportive helpful people who've had vow renewals and to get ideas, and I found none. What I found was a bunch of know-it-alls, like the women at I do-take two, insulting people, because they wanted to wear a wedding dress!? I've heard them call women tacky, because they never got their original ceremony for whatever reason, and these ugly pushy women were telling them NOT to do it!! If you have HAD a vow renewal and can share your personal ideas with me, please let me know. But for god's sakes, I am NOT asking for what I SHOULDN'T do. I know I'm not having a bachelor party, not getting a gift registry, but other than that, I think you should have whatever kind of ceremony you want, and there should be NO rules (excuse me, people have had wedding ceremonies on a scuba dive), just like it is for a wedding. Who's with me, and what creative things did you do?