Robert V

Some of you here at S-P know me, others do not, I have been around here for awhile. I am sad to report that I have now been a non-custodial single parent for one quarter of a century (25 years) so yes I am older than dirt and I do remember when Jesus was a Corporal.

I cunsel Fathers to keep their cool and not get baited into arguments, with their ex or with their children, unfortunately I am human.

Yes I have paid child support for twenty-five years, I also maintain a home for my children and myself, and when school is getting near I buy my youngest clothes, I do get him to aswimming lessons, participate in his school whenever I can, and I am fairly active as a Boy Scout Leader. Always trying to create opportunities for my youngest, oldest will be twenty-five in a couple of months.

In our area the Boy Scouts invite Cub Scouts and Webelos Scouts to their Fall Camporee. My youngest and I discussed this months ago, and planned on attending. I talked with my son and his mother two weeks ago, and all was a go, last night I telephoned my son and his mother to again confirm that I would pick my son up this morning, we would go to Camporee spend the night together and go to Church in the morning, last night my baby mama said well she had thought of a Motorcycle ride with her boyfriend and my son but that did not have to be on Saturday.

As I drove to pick up my son this morning, I telehponed to say thaht I was on the way and would be there in about twenty minutes, my son said "I don't think I want to go to Camporee" I asked why, "he said I don't want to and I am busy" and hung up. I called back, his mother answered and announced "Robert, it is your Father calling to yell at you some more", I again asked why not, explained that I had taken the day off from work, we had not only made plans but that we had confirmed them twelve hours earlier, my son just could not explain why he now elected not to follow our plans and left the phone, after two minutes I called back again and aksed "Son are we going to spend any time together this weekend" he answered "I don't know" and was laughing with his mother.

Point is there may be good reason that Fathers become frustrated. Ladies, in America, according to the 2000 census most children are raised by single mothers.

My ex is a wild child, we split up becuase she liked to hang out at friends houses who just happened to be male, worked a shift other than I did, and somehow I just did not think that was appropriate, I do not, have not and will not be a drug user another area we disagree about.

I know she sat my son and I up, she has really been at it for about sixteen months now, I should have let the matter sit after two minutes of the first phone call, but then again, how do I coach my son to keep his committments, realise the investment made in these opportunities and be a good communicator ( most probably I should have waited for awhile before calling, but by that time he would be on the back of a Harley, and his motehr doesn't answer her phone then.

Ladies until you realise that there are women in America who find some delight in playing this game at least on a weekly basis, although Fathers definetly lose out it is our children hurt the most.

Truly,

Bob van Ee, a DAD

Wyoming, Michigan