Sybil

My brother is a crack addict and has been using for about 15 years. He has been though rehab several times and can stay clean for a few months at a time, then goes right back to it.

Every time he gets money in his pocket, he binges till it's gone. Mom and dad have tried helping him handle his money and keep his bills paid, but he gets mad when he asks for money and it isn't there because they used it to pay his bills. He rages at them for "stealing" his money.

Then he gets little side jobs and takes the cash on his own, and wastes every penny on crack. The last time he did this was 2 weeks ago, he was talking about needing to take his money and pay insurance and get tags for his vehicle, then he spent it all.

We have all enabled him to a certain point, Mom and dad co-signed to get him a boat during one of his clean stages, so he could make money fishing. He catches fish and sells them, keeping all the money to spend as he will, leaving my parents to pay his boat payment. They have only been able to keep enough of his money to pay 3 payments in the past year. They have paid the rest.

He asked me yesterday if I could handle his money for him and make sure his bills are paid. We sat down and figured out how much he needs to give me each month to make his bills and made a ledger. I stressed to him that he wouldnt be able to get advances from the bill money, when he runs out of pocket money, he is out till next payday. He agreed so this is set up now.

We are doing what we can to help him without enabling him to continue with this destructive behavior.

Now for the question... He just informed me that he has asked his current girlfriend to marry him. She knows of his past use, but he is pretending it is all behind him now. He wont tell her he "slipped" again a couple of weeks ago, he says it's all in his past. I feel like she should know that he is still using occasionally. I know if I say anything to her, my whole family will get mad at me for "ruining" his chances to be happy. But if I dont feel right sitting by and letting this good woman walk into this situation blind.

My brother is a wonderful man when he isn't using, but when he goes on his binges and spends all his money he gets verbally abusive to anyone trying to confront him about his crack use. We are both in our 40's so it isn't a teenage thing. Is there anyone that can give me insights on how to deal with this situation?