puma

Samsung S3 , i have duplicate numbers when i open up my messages , i have whatsapp as well and i wonder if someone knows how to take duplicate numbers out , it is very annoying ... Thank you

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor.

"She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours.

She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.

She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.

"Oh my God!", said the first doctor,

"I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

Does anyone know where i can watch formula one free as i refuse to pay sky for something that was free with bbc ( yep been sold out again) . cheers

Hi everyone , a mate of mine knows emotes on facebook chat for middle finger and thumbs down but won't show me how :) the meany lol , anyone know how ?? he did say that [[xlike]] is thumbs down but when i tried it was a picture of someone lol , thanks for even just reading this

The garden of eden !!!!!!!!!?

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.

Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing".

After casting about for a suitable pearl,

He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth...

Ruined the whole f*cking thing!!! amen!

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor.

"She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours.

She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.

She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.

"Oh my God!", said the first doctor,

"I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.

Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing".

After casting about for a suitable pearl,

He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth...

Ruined the whole f*cking thing!!! amen!

Hi.

I am having problems downloading anything , even flash player as it always comes up with ( save to file ) and never just downloads there and then , i have to go into my download folder and do it from there ... any ideas ?? i am using vista prem ( wish i had windows 7 ) lol ... ANY help wil be welcomed ... Thank you

On facebook the middle of my screen scrolls up and down but the sides do not move ... any ideas please ??

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.

"She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor.

"She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours.

She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.

She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.

"Oh my God!", said the first doctor,

"I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation.

As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts

on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks.

"No, not at all" the woman replied.

They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave,

he realises that instead of eating just a few peanuts,

he emptied most of the bowl.

"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts,

I really just meant to eat a few."

"Oh that's all right" the woman says.

"Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do

is suck the chocolate off them."

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said... "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was

unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," said the woman.

Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and

fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as

"Thank you."

"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day

gift."

"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."

A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation.

As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts

on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks.

"No, not at all" the woman replied.

They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave,

he realises that instead of eating just a few peanuts,

he emptied most of the bowl.

"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts,

I really just meant to eat a few."

"Oh that's all right" the woman says.

"Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do

is suck the chocolate off them."

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the oldgraveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: "Miles, from Dublin."

There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but I think it got stolen!"

The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off the Ten Commandments, and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" someone will confess to the crime."

The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?" the one priest said.

The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, I seemed to remember where I had left it."

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said... "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"