Mel

I dated a boy for 2 yrs and I thought he was the 1. we had so much fun, the same personality but we werent happy overall. We were always jealous and insecure a lot. Everything I thought I was doing for myself , I wasn’t. For example I love to sing and I use to sing always. But when I was with him I was always Worrying about what he thinks about when I do it. If he thinks I’m good, if he’s impressed. I wasn’t afraid to be myself but.. I was not doing things for the pure happiness of doing it. I was doing it all just for his reaction. With that being said, I had to break up with him. I didn’t know if I should stay with him because i love him or break up with him because I didn’t love myself and I kept fighting it for days but then I was like if I stay in this relationship I will never know what it’s like to be happy for myself. And everything about relationships just didn’t interest me. I didn’t want to feel any jealousy, I didn’t want to feel any pressure to make another person happy. I hate myself for not being ready for a relationship. I look in the mirror right now and I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t feel like I deserve to Be happy unless it’s for him. I loved him to the point were it was unhealthy and I wasn’t loving myself but I really hurt him. can’t stop thinking about if he’s okay. It hurts that he thinks I just didn’t love him when it wasn’t at all like that. (He also had issues of his own (very controlling which pressured me, very dependent on me as well)

One day I forgot to wear a bra and by accident he touched me (up top) this was as school, and he literally got a ***** and was telling me that I was killing him for doing that. And also I wore lulu lemons today at school and he won t stop touching and like I know it s normal for guys to certain extent.. But like scientifically why is he so horny and touchy and why is it so easy for him to get a *****?