Broai7

I lost my mom in late 2013 to cancer. Exactly 4 days later, my girlfriend at the time (very beautiful; first love) decided to tell me she had cheated on me. I don't know why she decided to tell me then. I was broken.

It felt like I had lost two people at once. My girlfriend and I ended up staying together. But the trust was gone and it was never the same. I often caught her texting other guys, etc. This dragged on.

In 2015, I was going through some things and had a lot on my plate (university, depression, finances, supporting my dad, etc). There was a moment in 2015 when I really needed her. I was about to be evicted. I expected emotional support from her but I didn't get it. She went to some big festival that weekend instead. That hurt. And after that she ghosted me. No closure. Nothing. After 4 years of being together!

It turned out, that during 2015, my girlfriend was sleeping with (brace yourself) her best friend's boyfriend for 3 months. I found this out from her best friend months later (when my ex decided to tell her).

I have grown a lot since then and overcome the bulk of my depression. I've dated a bit. Finishing uni this year. Finances in order. Got into photography. I've processed the death of my mom.

But that sense of being abandoned by ex is still there. I don't feel good enough. I'm fairly attractive, fun, etc. But I can't seem to shake this trauma completely. I've made progress - but I still feel unwanted and rejected. I'm 23 now.

Advice?

x

I lost my mom in late 2013 to cancer. Exactly 4 days later, my girlfriend at the time (very beautiful; first love) decided to tell me she had cheated on me. I don't know why she decided to tell me then. I was broken.

It felt like I had lost two people at once. My girlfriend and I ended up staying together. But the trust was gone and it was never the same. I often caught her texting other guys, etc. This dragged on.

In 2015, I was going through some things and had a lot on my plate (university, depression, finances, supporting my dad, etc). There was a moment in 2015 when I really needed her. I was about to be evicted. I expected emotional support from her but I didn't get it. She went to some big festival that weekend instead. That hurt. And after that she ghosted me. No closure. Nothing. After 4 years of being together!

It turned out, that during 2015, my girlfriend was sleeping with (brace yourself) her best friend's boyfriend for 3 months. I found this out from her best friend months later (when my ex decided to tell her).

I have grown a lot since then and overcome the bulk of my depression. I've dated a bit. Finishing uni this year. Finances in order. Got into photography. I've processed the death of my mom.

But that sense of being abandoned by ex is still there. I don't feel good enough. I'm fairly attractive, fun, etc. But I can't seem to shake this trauma completely. I've made progress - but I still feel unwanted and rejected. I'm 23 now.

Advice?

x

I'm 22 and have had a very complicated and confusing life to the point where I don't know who I am.

My mom was a secretary. She loved me.. My dad was a very successful lawyer who lost everything when I was young. He then became depressed & developed an inferiority complex. He put his baggage onto me from young (that we used to have more, that we are not good enough, etc).

I lost my mom to cancer in 2013 (I was 19). My GF of 3 years told me she cheated on me 4 days later. I was vulnerable and looking for love so I stayed with her (I needed my mom to tell me I am enough). GF continued to cheat. I was deeply hurt.

Lost all my confidence. Uni marks dropped. I lost my funding. GF stopped caring about me. In 2015 I was being evicted, told her, she could not care less & went to a music festival. She wanted out - that was clear. No apology or closure to this day. That was rough.

I received around $100 00 from my mom's pension fund. I was shocked! We lived hand-mouth. Today that money is up. I helped family, reckless spending, bad investments & supported myself &my dad for 2 years straight (rent, food, etc).

I've done much work on myself recently. Healing from dad's baggage and the hurt from GF (feeling unworthy and unattractive and useless). I plan to do something creative with my life now. As I start a new chapter, I want to know how much I should share with people I will meet. I struggle with this. I think the truth will scare many away (money probs, GF, mom, dad).

Thx!

I'm 22 and have had a very complicated and confusing life to the point where I don't know who I am.

My mom was a secretary. She loved me.. My dad was a very successful lawyer who lost everything when I was young. He then became depressed & developed an inferiority complex. He put his baggage onto me from young (that we used to have more, that we are not good enough, etc).

I lost my mom to cancer in 2013 (I was 19). My GF of 3 years told me she cheated on me 4 days later. I was vulnerable and looking for love so I stayed with her (I needed my mom to tell me I am enough). GF continued to cheat. I was deeply hurt.

Lost all my confidence. Uni marks dropped. I lost my funding. GF stopped caring about me. In 2015 I was being evicted, told her, she could not care less & went to a music festival. She wanted out - that was clear. No apology or closure to this day. That was rough.

I received around $100 00 from my mom's pension fund. I was shocked! We lived hand-mouth. Today that money is up. I helped family, reckless spending, bad investments & supported myself &my dad for 2 years straight (rent, food, etc).

I've done much work on myself recently. Healing from dad's baggage and the hurt from GF (feeling unworthy and unattractive and useless). I plan to do something creative with my life now. As I start a new chapter, I want to know how much I should share with people I will meet. I struggle with this. I think the truth will scare many away (money problems, GF, mom, dad).

Thanx!

Lost mom to cancer in 2013. I had just turned 19. She was a single mother and receptionist. We struggled a lot. She broke her back for to give me an education. I was her world.

Four days later, girlfriend of 3 years said she had cheated on me. This broke me. Was vulnerable; having lost my mom and looking for love. So tried to work it out. She continued to cheat. She soon cut me out of her life. Also found out a few months ago - she was sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend for 3 months behind our backs.

Lost all confidence, belief in myself and self worth. Became an empty shell of old self. No apology from her. No closure. Drank myself to sleep for months. Uni marks plummeted. Lost my uni bursary worth $12 000 from a huge company (used to be an A student).

During all this I inherited $100 000 from mom. To my surprise. She was only a receptionist! Supported my dad & I with it. Dad messed up his life. I put many plans of mine on hold to take care of him financially & emotionally.

Lost money in the market (dad suggested I trade stocks). All money is gone now. Only have my car worth about $10 000. Literally.

I feel like a solid failure at 22. So much opportunity wasted. And for what? A girl? Who has moved on and forgot I existed. After everything I did and sacrificed :(

Can't believe what I became. I was so focussed and driven. My peers looked up to me. I feel I am going backwards & everyone is going forwards (even my ex). Mostly, feel I let down my mom :(

Help?

Lost mom to cancer in 2013. I had just turned 19. She was a single mother and receptionist. We struggled a lot. She broke her back for to give me an education. I was her world.

Four days later, girlfriend of 3 years said she had cheated on me. This broke me. Was vulnerable; having lost my mom and looking for love. So tried to work it out. She continued to cheat. She soon cut me out of her life. Also found out a few months ago - she was sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend for 3 months behind our backs.

Lost all confidence, belief in myself and self worth. Became an empty shell of old self. No apology from her. No closure. Drank myself to sleep for months. Uni marks plummeted. Lost my uni bursary worth $12 000 from a huge company (used to be an A student).

During all this I inherited $100 000 from mom. To my surprise. She was only a receptionist! Supported my dad & I with it. Dad messed up his life. I put many plans of mine on hold to take care of him financially & emotionally.

Lost money in the market (dad suggested I trade stocks). All money is gone now. Only have my car worth about $10 000. Literally.

I feel like a solid failure at 22. So much opportunity wasted. And for what? A girl? Who has moved on and forgot I existed. After everything I did and sacrificed :(

Can't believe what I became. I was so focussed and driven. My peers looked up to me. I feel I am going backwards & everyone is going forwards (even my ex). Mostly, feel I let down my mom :(

Advice?

So after turning 19, I lost my mom to cancer. I loved her very much. And she lived for me. Entirely and completely. Made many sacrifices and struggled for me.

Three days after she passed, my girlfriend at the time (first love, first sexual partner, dating for 3 years) told me she had cheated on me.

To this day, I feel more hurt and pain and feelings of not being good enough because of my ex.

I feel like my mom's death should have affected me more. For some reason, there is more pain from my relationship.

I thought it was because they happened too close together. It felt like I lost two people. I was a mess. And even though we tried again, she continued to cheat on me.

This only hurt me more. Because I lost someone who loved me to death (mom). And the other basically rejected me through her cheating.

I feel guilty because my mom's passing should affect me more. But to this day, the thing that sticks out is being cheated on continually.

I am trying to reconcile this. I feel like I have let my old relationship define me. And it hurt that my ex knew EVERYTHING all my struggles but still did me like that.

I am struggling to reconcile these feelings.

Please help

I come from a poor, single-parent family. My mother was a hardworking receptionist who lived for me. She earned very little but she always supported me, encouraged me and loved me unconditionally.

During high school I was an A student. And I was lucky enough to get a full bursary worth R120 000 ($12 000) per year from a massive Accounting company to persue my studies at University.

My mother was very happy and proud. And so was I :) During my first year I did not perform well as I was not focussed and was dealing with personal insecurities. The company was not impressed but decided to give me another shot for next year 2014.

My mother passed away to cancer at the end of 2013 (I was 18). I am so glad that she knew I would keep my busary before she passed. Me obtaining a degree was VERY important her. Three days after she passed my GF of 3 years told me she cheated on me. I lost myself. I lost my bursary. Marks plummeted. Was wasteful with the money my mom left me (R$100 000 - I was also supporting my dad). Alcohol. Clubbing.

I just feel so lost. So despondent. And so depressed. Most of all, I feel I let down my mother. I am back at UNI now. On Financial Aid. Studying a different degree. I just feel like I wasted time, money and lost focus. Put too much energy into my girl. And allowed that to eff me up. I feel I not make my mom proud :( I am 21 now.

Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice or insight will really help me.

Thank you!

I am 21. Lost my mom to cancer two years ago today. She was the best. A secretary who worked hard. Struggled. And lived for me. She was 47. She left me some money which I am now using to support myself and my 69 year old father.

My dad was a very successful lawyer. Made millions but offed up his life. Lost everything. Is chronically depressed. And has many complexes and insecurities which he rubbed off onto me - of not being enough, not having enough money, etc.

This affected me greatly. And in high school I felt as if his losses were mine too. I realise this now. And am working on healing myself from that emotional abuse.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years. She cheated on me 2 years ago and decided to tell me 4 days after my mom passed. This hurt a ton. I also recently found out that she was serially cheating on me behind my back for a WHILE.

I sacrificed so much for her. Time and effort which I feel I should have spent on my mom :(

I feel I can't connect with people (especially my age). Because their problems are pussy, clubbing, and studying. As its should be! But my life is different.

I have lots of pain. And it is hard being myself. I feel confused and it is hard to let people in to my true self. Rags to riches is admirable. But riches to rags is taboo and uncomfortable in conversation.

I hate coming across as mature, serious and boring. But life the struggle has made me like this. It does not help with girls or friends.

Please help.

I am 21. Lost my mom to cancer two years ago today. She was the best. A secretary who worked hard. Struggled. And lived for me. She was 47. She left me some money which I am now using to support myself and my 69 year old father.

My dad was a very successful lawyer. Made millions but offed up his life. Lost everything. Is chronically depressed. And has many complexes and insecurities which he rubbed off onto me - of not being enough, not having enough money, etc.

This affected me greatly. And in high school I felt as if his losses were mine too. I realise this now. And am working on healing myself from that emotional abuse.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years. She cheated on me 2 years ago and decided to tell me 4 days after my mom passed. This hurt a ton. I also recently found out that she was serially cheating on me behind my back for a WHILE.

I sacrificed so much for her. Time and effort which I feel I should have spent on my mom :(

I feel I can't connect with people (especially my age). Because their problems are pussy, clubbing, and studying. As its should be! But my life is different.

I have lots of pain. And it is hard being myself. I feel confused and it is hard to let people in to my true self. Rags to riches is admirable. But riches to rags is taboo and uncomfortable in conversation.

I hate coming across as mature, serious and boring. But life the struggle has made me like this. It does not help with girls or friends.

Please help.

I am 21. Lost my mom to cancer two years ago today. She was the best. A secretary who worked hard. Struggled. And lived for me. She was 47. She left me some money which I am now using to support myself and my 69 year old father.

My dad was a very successful lawyer. Made millions but offed up his life. Lost everything. Is chronically depressed. And has many complexes and insecurities which he rubbed off onto me - of not being enough, not having enough money, etc.

This affected me greatly. And in high school I felt as if his losses were mine too. I realise this now. And am working on healing myself from that emotional abuse.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years. She cheated on me 2 years ago and decided to tell me 4 days after my mom passed. This hurt a ton. I also recently found out that she was serially cheating on me behind my back for a WHILE.

I sacrificed so much for her. Time and effort which I feel I should have spent on my mom :(

I feel I can't connect with people (especially my age). Because their problems are pussy, clubbing, and studying. As its should be! But my life is different.

I have lots of pain. And it is hard being myself. I feel confused and it is hard to let people in to my true self. Rags to riches is admirable. But riches to rags is taboo and uncomfortable in conversation.

I hate coming across as mature, serious and boring. But life the struggle has made me like this. It does not help with girls or friends.

Please help.

I come from a poor, single-parent family. My mother was a hardworking receptionist who lived for me. She earned very little but she always supported me, encouraged me and loved me unconditionally.

During high school I was an A student. And I was lucky enough to get a full bursary worth R120 000 ($12 000) per year from a massive Accounting company to persue my studies at University.

My mother was very happy and proud. And so was I :) During my first year I did not perform well as I was not focussed and was dealing with personal insecurities. The company was not impressed but decided to give me another shot for next year 2014.

My mother passed away to cancer at the end of 2013 (I was 18). I am so glad that she knew I would keep my busary before she passed. Me obtaining a degree was VERY important her. In 2014 I did better academically but my marks were still not up to scratch. I lost my bursary. I have one more year to finish my studies.

I just feel so lost. So despondent. And so depressed. Most of all, I feel I let down my mother ;( I want to go back in June 2016 and complete my studies from the little money which she left me (I left campus on medical grounds in 2015 - was too depressed). I just feel like I wasted a year and did not follow through the plan to the T and make my mom proud :( I am 21 now.

Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice or insight will really help me.

Thank you!

I am 21. Lost my mom to cancer exactly two years ago today. She was the best. A secretary who worked hard. Struggled. And lived for me. She was 47. She left me some money which I am now using to support myself and my 69 year old father.

He was a very successful lawyer. Made millions but effed his life. Lost everything. Is chronically depressed. And has many complexes and insecurities which he rubbed off onto me - of not being enough, not having enough money, etc. This affected me greatly. And in high school I felt as if his losses were mine too. I realise this now. And am working on healing myself from that emotional abuse.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years. Pretty young thing. Cute. Innocent. She cheated on me two years ago and decided to tell me 4 days after my mom passed. It hit me like a ton of rocks as you can imagine. The past years together were tough. She always cancels plans. Puts no effort in. Etc. Was supposed to see her last week. She cancelled thrice. She was very "stressed planning her 21st" :/ We are over now though.

That is the problem. I can't connect with people my age. Because their problems are 21st, pussy, clubbing, and studying. As its should be! But my life is different. I grew up fast and have more pressing things to think about. Money. Taking care of my dad. Stress for the future. Losing my mom. Etc. It is just hard. I hate coming across as mature, serious and boring. But life and the struggles made me like that. It does not help with girls.

Tx

I am 21. Lost my mom to cancer exactly two years ago today. She was the best. A secretary who worked hard. Struggled. And lived for me. She was 47. She left me some money which I am now using to support myself and my 69 year old father.

He was a very successful lawyer. Made millions but ****** up his life. Lost everything. Is chronically depressed. And has many complexes and insecurities which he rubbed off onto me - of not being enough, not having enough money, etc. This affected me greatly. And in high school I felt as if his losses were mine too. I realise this now. And am working on healing myself from that emotional abuse.

I had a girlfriend for 4 years. Pretty young thing. Cute. Innocent. She cheated on me two years ago and decided to tell me 4 days after my mom passed. It hit me like a ton of rocks as you can imagine. The past years together were tough. She always cancels plans. Puts no effort in. Etc. Was supposed to see her last week. She cancelled thrice. She was very "stressed planning her 21st" :/ We are over now though.

That is the problem. I can't connect with people my age. Because their problems are 21st, pussy, clubbing, and studying. As its should be! But my life is different. I grew up fast and have more pressing things to think about. Money. Taking care of my dad. Stress for the future. Losing my mom. Etc. It is just hard. I hate coming across as mature, serious and boring. But life and the struggles made me like that. It does not help with girls.

Tx

Hi all,

We've been dating for just over a year. She is graduating from high school and is keen to club and party it up with her friends now and then. She is not a "crazy party freak" but likes the social vibe now and again. Now, before you slap me with "insecure" and "trust" comments, hear me out.

I do trust her. She has NEVER given me reason to doubt. However, she is extremely innocent (which I think is a beautiful but dangerous thing at the the same time) and can sometimes be naive. Many boys like her and lots of her school peers have openly confessed their crushes for her.

With that being said, how do I cope knowing that there is so much potential trouble out there in clubs? We all know what happens there, even me, as I was one of those boys at one time too. So I trust her, but I don't trust the OTHER GUYS, who will try their luck inevitably. Also, I don't always want to be her security guard and accompany her to each club - sometimes she needs her own space and I could be busy. The thought of other guys groping her or forcing themselves onto her boils my buns!

Please chaps, any advice or help will be GREATLY cherished and appreciated.

Rob

My girlfriend and I were together for over a year and it ended 30 minutes ago. For the past 3 months there's been a massive disconnection; like we're a couple by name but not physically or emotionally (we're both writing exams, so it's hectic). Yes, I have brought it up countless times, but no effect was made on her part. Today i called her and we broke up :(

Afterwards she said that she was planning on ending it after her Matric Dance anyways...and that she was never in love with me...but that she loved me. It hurts so much :( because I know she meant it. I could hear by her voice. To think I meant so little to her. After everything :(

I was totally in love with her. Not infatuation, but genuine love. The sacrifices I made for her. This is my first year at University (she is in her Final School Year) so I've even not engaged in the reckless partying of first years for her. I used to do so many small things, go out of my way when I couldn't afford to, put her first.

And this is what I get :( On top of that she said she still wants me as her Matric Ball partner. I wanted to go, because I never went to my own, but now I don't want to. I'm so scared to see how quickly she moves on, pics of other guys and her on FB soon. It's going to hurt! :( I deleted her number so I don't see updates on Whatsapp and removed her as an FB friend.

It just hurts so much. I feel numb right now, crying as I write this.

Please, I want your help :( Anyone been in similar situations?

Robert

My girlfriend and I were together for over a year and it ended 30 minutes ago. For the past 3 months there's been a massive disconnection; like we're a couple by name but not physically or emotionally (we're both writing exams, so it's hectic). Yes, I have brought it up countless times, but no effect was made on her part. Today i called her and we broke up :(

Afterwards she said that she was planning on ending it after her Matric Dance anyways...and that she was never in love with me...but that she loved me. It hurts so much :( because I know she meant it. I could hear by her voice. To think I meant so little to her. After everything :(

I was totally in love with her. Not infatuation, but genuine love. The sacrifices I made for her. This is my first year at University (she is in her Final School Year) so I've even not engaged in the reckless partying of first years for her. I used to do so many small things, go out of my way when I couldn't afford to, put her first.

And this is what I get :( On top of that she said she still wants me as her Matric Ball partner. I wanted to go, because I never went to my own, but now I don't want to. I'm so scared to see how quickly she moves on, pics of other guys and her on FB soon. It's going to hurt! :( I deleted her number so I don't see updates on Whatsapp and removed her as an FB friend.

It just hurts so much. I feel numb right now, crying as I write this.

Please, I want your help :( Anyone been in similar situations?

Robert

So having just turned 18 and having never clubbed before - she is obviously excited. Thing is she's very innocent and easy going at times (which is something I love about her personality) and I'm worried about what might happen. She's asked me to trust her and promised to not do anything stupid. And I do...

But I don't trust the guys that she'll be encountering at the clubs. Having been one of "those guys" before, I know what their motives are. Some may just steal a kiss from her or slip their hands up her dress. With the alcohol and the vibe this can extremely easily. I know. For a fact.

Now, not to pretend, more likely than not she will experience one of these (at least grinding on the dance floor). If I were to deny that I would be lying to myself. I just don't know how to deal with it. The thought of a random *** taking advantage of her in that setting is really uncomfortable.

What should I do/How should I approach this?

Please.

Thank you.

Shot :)

So having just turned 18 and having never clubbed before - she is obviously excited. Thing is she's very innocent and easy going at times (which is something I love about her personality) and I'm worried about what might happen. She's asked me to trust her and promised to not do anything stupid. And I do...

But I don't trust the guys that she'll be encountering at the clubs. Having been one of "those guys" before, I know what their motives are. Some may just steal a kiss from her or slip their hands up her dress. With the alcohol and the vibe this can extremely easily. I know. For a fact.

Now, not to pretend, more likely than not she will experience one of these (at least grinding on the dance floor). If I were to deny that I would be lying to myself. I just don't know how to deal with it. The thought of a random *** taking advantage of her in that setting is really uncomfortable.

What should I do/How should I approach this?

Please.

Thank you.

Shot :)