autumnmoon

This man always right from day one used the short version of my first name. Then recently for about a month or so he has been saying or texting my whole first name? Been friends for over a year and I'm just curious cause it was just different?

Just seeing if this is a good start?

Raine didn’t want to throw up all over the guests. But with the strange flu-like symptoms lingering around for the past two months—it might be inevitable. The party was tonight.

She had to go.

Eden would kill her if she didn’t.

No way, uh uh, Raine thought, not going to happen. Slinging her black silk scarf around her neck, she stepped off the bus and into a pile of slush. A swarm of flurries whisked across her face, wetting her lashes, and the chill wind bit deep into her cheeks. Raine hated winter. But right now she hated her mother more for making her go to this damn doctor’s appointment.

Even though Raine had protested against her mother’s insistent demand to take a home pregnancy test, Linda’s perseverance had won out in the end. Raine, still mortified, remembered holding the end of the test-stick between her legs while having to urinate on it. Immediately, two words—NOT PREGNANT—in bright blue lettering had swelled to the surface. Of course, Raine had known what the outcome would be; that it was ridiculous to even go there, because she’d never had sex before. Not even kissed. The only time she’d hang out with boys at all was when Eden or her mother forced her, and she definitely did not date them.

Raine had her reasons.

So, because her mother wasn’t satisfied with the results—thinking there was no other explanation for Raine’s “morning sickness”—she’d scheduled her daughter for an appointment with their family physician. Oh, the irony, Raine thought, now. Seriously, what world did her mother live in? Knowing how her daughter felt about boys, how could she possibly even think that Raine would go so far as to have sex with one when she couldn’t even stand to be around them?

Raine continued down the snow laden sidewalk, stomach clenching, and skin prickling with each step. Furious with her mother. She was nervous about what the doctor might find—if he could find anything. Somehow she knew it was something not normal.

Just then, a boy in a full length, black Mandarin-style jacket, shifting a clutch of papers between his gloved hands, nearly collided with Raine. His face was painted heavily in hardcore-style Goth make-up. He lost control of the papers, dropping one at her feet. Before either of them could bend down to retrieve it, the wind stepped in, skirting the paper back and forth through their legs, lifting it high into the air. The two of them tried frantically to get a hold of it while the wind continued playing them, before finally sending it flying uncontrollably into the street. The gothic-boy blurted out some obscenity as he chased after it, his jacket flailing behind him like a vampire bat in flight. Must be a really important piece of paper, she thought, feeling dismayed for the boy, knowing it was sure to be ruined by the silver Accord about to run it over. Shitty luck.

Raine realized the boy—now swinging his arms angrily at the woman behind the wheel of the Accord—trying to salvage his limp, lifeless piece of paper—wore his make-up similar to the Goth boy she’d met in her father’s church eight years ago; striking white powdered foundation, intricate, black spider webs with curlicue designing around the eyes. Lips black to match. Raine had been ten at the time and was fascinated by the boy’s make-up and clothes, the very different, very dark sided style. Piquing her interest enough that she’d convinced her mother to buy her some. And still, even now she would wear some of the pretty lace corsets, tattered tights, and slash skirts whenever the mood struck. But never the make-up. Raine didn’t know why.

Now arriving at the large, white bricked building, she opened the heavy-framed glass doors, pushing all thoughts regarding the boy aside.

For now.

She couldn’t help it; her mind was always filled with thoughts of him…

Immediately upon entering, the sharp scent of antibacterial soap and rubbing alcohol invaded her senses. She brought her jacket up over her nose, and in the process sucked in a huge breath of her own perfume to mask the acidic odors. She didn’t like the smell of hospitals. Though this wasn’t a hospital, she was sure they did a small measure of procedures here; giving needles, treating small abrasions, removing warts…

Raine paused just outside of the door to the room where she’d been headed all along, her alarming sensations of clenching and prickling heightened. She didn’t want to go in. Her mother had warned her it wasn’t like a regular doctor visit. It was supposed to be more casual, she’d said. And from what Raine could see of the inside; it did look pretty much like any other ordinary office she’d been to in the past that had held a desk, a chair, and a couch. Everything was neutral—natural. Boring.

Only something didn’t feel very natural.

If she could help it, she wouldn’t be here at all.

“Raine Davies?” a muffled voice from behind her asked. Startled, she clutched her wool jacket tight at her chest, nearly bust

What I want opinions for is this...When I read one book, the editor does not put a comma after and, but, etc. at the beginning of a sentence. eg. And I went home. Shouldn't it be...And, I went home. I've always been taught that the only time you can leave out the comma after an and is when you use names like Jen and Jane. or in a list...eggs, butter, margerine and ham. whatever, just want some opinions. Another one is..Of course, he did. or Of course he did... just some examples. I just hate that every book I read I find too many indifferences. And, no comments on my grammar in this paragraph lol. I wasn't trying :)

Just curious to know if this sounds intriguing to start out. And any thoughts about or what you think so far... This isn't the whole chapter just saying :)

It had been going on for weeks, and still, the girl had no idea she was being followed.

Standing in the center of the old abandoned church, holding a tattered, grey blanket in her red, nail polished fingers, the girl—Raine—he’d known her name all along—was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. And he’d imagined her often over the years.

If only she would turn around. Then he could try to memorize what he’d miss the most. Would it be those compassionate, hazel eyes? The sexy pout of her lips? Or maybe her frosty-rose colored cheeks, molded perfectly into a heart-shaped face? It didn’t matter. He’d remember it all. For now.

Knowing it wouldn’t last long anyway, that his memories of her would fade once again, he had to make his move.

The cold December wind coursed through the basement, whistling an eerie harmony that sent pulsating chills up his spine. Not the type to become unhitched—not anymore—he knew he shouldn’t be afraid. But he didn’t like this dilapidated building and the quiet, lonely feeling it permeated—a reminder of the darker days of his childhood. And he wondered why on earth Raine would come here. Why anyone would come here.

Just as he was getting ready to close the door, a maneuver so slight, so delicate, caught him off-guard. Though to be forgiven instantly as soon as he glimpsed her reflection, paled by the illumination, flooding in through the broken, battered window from the streetlight outside. Tonight, a glittering, gold band kept her auburn hair from falling in her face while the rest of the soft mane escaped and expanded around her shoulders. A black, wool jacket was buckled tight around her slim waist.

Raine was smiling. It seemed to be a sad sort of smile, he thought as she looked down at the blanket again. Having already wondered about the reason for her being here, he now wanted to know what was so important about that damn ratty piece of cloth. But, he didn’t have the time. Though, he did have to admit, it was kind of ironic—the abandoned church with its makeshift cell—suiting his needs just fine.

Thinking quickly, he took out the rope and pushed one end through the bars. Originally he’d planned to sneak up behind her, restrict her, and hold her. And as much as he would love to have her body against his—he realized this was a much better way, and finished looping the rope around a cylinder of steel, pulling it back through to meet at his fingers. It wasn’t like he could have locked it anyway. There was no key.

“Huh?” The sound of the old rusted metal startled her as he closed the cell door. She dropped the blanket and ran toward the only exit. Toward him.

Could she see him? Possibly, but it was dark here in the shadows. Still, he shouldn’t take the chance, risking everything, he thought, and ducked around the corner. Safe and now out of sight, he relaxed his back against the cold, hard concrete wall.

Finding out the door wouldn’t open, she pulled violently, shouting, “Who—who’s there? What do you want?” Fear was making her strong and he had to get a tighter grip. He coiled the length of rope around the arm of his jacket, embracing himself in a hug to secure his hold.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he said. “I have questions,” he inhaled deeply, bracing his booted feet to the floor. “And I promise to let you go when I get what I need.” She quit yanking on the door, allowing him a breather. Either she was tired too, or she was willing to cooperate.

“I didn’t think anyone came down here anymore,” she said, exasperated. “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.” Her breath was catching while she tugged at the door again. He could swear he heard her heart thumping. Her warm, pulsating heart. Or was it his own? What he really wanted right now was to touch her. Put his hea— “Look, I don’t even think you have the right person.”

“Trust me, you are the right person.” The only person who could give him what he wanted. His memories. And not just temporarily. But forever. He didn’t dare let up on the rope now. There was no way he was going to ruin this by letting her see him. Even though she’d probably never know who he was. “Are you going to let me get to the point or not?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “I don’t have much time. My mother expects me home soon.”

“All right,” he said. “It’s really just confirmation I’m looking for.” The wind flared up again, sending a drift of snow in through the window of the cell. He heard Raine gasp in surprise. “You, okay?”

“Yeah, but it’s cold and creepy down here,” she said. “Hurry up, I’m not feeling well—I want to go!”

“About that, exactly. How long have you been sick?” Silence. He knew what she was probably thinking—why would anyone hold someone captive to ask such a stupid question? But it was important. It played a part in everything. And he needed to be certain.

“Uh, why?”

“Just answ

Just curious to know if this sounds intriguing to start out. And any thoughts about or what you think so far... This isn't the whole chapter just saying :)

It had been going on for weeks, and still, the girl had no idea she was being followed.

Standing in the center of the old abandoned church, holding a tattered, grey blanket in her red, nail polished fingers, the girl—Raine—he’d known her name all along—was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. And he’d imagined her often over the years.

If only she would turn around. Then he could try to memorize what he’d miss the most. Would it be those compassionate, hazel eyes? The sexy pout of her lips? Or maybe her frosty-rose colored cheeks, molded perfectly into a heart-shaped face? It didn’t matter. He’d remember it all. For now.

Knowing it wouldn’t last long anyway, that his memories of her would fade once again, he had to make his move.

The cold December wind coursed through the basement, whistling an eerie harmony that sent pulsating chills up his spine. Not the type to become unhitched—not anymore—he knew he shouldn’t be afraid. But he didn’t like this dilapidated building and the quiet, lonely feeling it permeated—a reminder of the darker days of his childhood. And he wondered why on earth Raine would come here. Why anyone would come here.

Just as he was getting ready to close the door, a maneuver so slight, so delicate, caught him off-guard. Though to be forgiven instantly as soon as he glimpsed her reflection, paled by the illumination, flooding in through the broken, battered window from the streetlight outside. Tonight, a glittering, gold band kept her auburn hair from falling in her face while the rest of the soft mane escaped and expanded around her shoulders. A black, wool jacket was buckled tight around her slim waist.

Raine was smiling. It seemed to be a sad sort of smile, he thought as she looked down at the blanket again. Having already wondered about the reason for her being here, he now wanted to know what was so important about that damn ratty piece of cloth. But, he didn’t have the time. Though, he did have to admit, it was kind of ironic—the abandoned church with its makeshift cell—suiting his needs just fine.

Thinking quickly, he took out the rope and pushed one end through the bars. Originally he’d planned to sneak up behind her, restrict her, and hold her. And as much as he would love to have her body against his—he realized this was a much better way, and finished looping the rope around a cylinder of steel, pulling it back through to meet at his fingers. It wasn’t like he could have locked it anyway. There was no key.

“Huh?” The sound of the old rusted metal startled her as he closed the cell door. She dropped the blanket and ran toward the only exit. Toward him.

Could she see him? Possibly, but it was dark here in the shadows. Still, he shouldn’t take the chance, risking everything, he thought, and ducked around the corner. Safe and now out of sight, he relaxed his back against the cold, hard concrete wall.

Finding out the door wouldn’t open, she pulled violently, shouting, “Who—who’s there? What do you want?” Fear was making her strong and he had to get a tighter grip. He coiled the length of rope around the arm of his jacket, embracing himself in a hug to secure his hold.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he said. “I have questions,” he inhaled deeply, bracing his booted feet to the floor. “And I promise to let you go when I get what I need.” She quit yanking on the door, allowing him a breather. Either she was tired too, or she was willing to cooperate.

“I didn’t think anyone came down here anymore,” she said, exasperated. “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.” Her breath was catching while she tugged at the door again. He could swear he heard her heart thumping. Her warm, pulsating heart. Or was it his own? What he really wanted right now was to touch her. Put his hea— “Look, I don’t even think you have the right person.”

“Trust me, you are the right person.” The only person who could give him what he wanted. His memories. And not just temporarily. But forever. He didn’t dare let up on the rope now. There was no way he was going to ruin this by letting her see him. Even though she’d probably never know who he was. “Are you going to let me get to the point or not?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “I don’t have much time. My mother expects me home soon.”

“All right,” he said. “It’s really just confirmation I’m looking for.” The wind flared up again, sending a drift of snow in through the window of the cell. He heard Raine gasp in surprise. “You, okay?”

“Yeah, but it’s cold and creepy down here,” she said. “Hurry up, I’m not feeling well—I want to go!”

“About that, exactly. How long have you been sick?” Silence. He knew what she was probably thinking—why would anyone hold someone captive to ask such a stupid question? But it was important. It played a part in everything. And he needed to be certain.

“Uh, why?”

“Just answ

Just curious to know if this sounds intriguing to start out. And any thoughts about or what you think so far... This isn't the whole chapter just saying :)

It had been going on for weeks, and still, the girl had no idea she was being followed.

Standing in the center of the old abandoned church, holding a tattered, grey blanket in her red, nail polished fingers, the girl—Raine—he’d known her name all along—was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. And he’d imagined her often over the years.

If only she would turn around. Then he could try to memorize what he’d miss the most. Would it be those compassionate, hazel eyes? The sexy pout of her lips? Or maybe her frosty-rose colored cheeks, molded perfectly into a heart-shaped face? It didn’t matter. He’d remember it all. For now.

Knowing it wouldn’t last long anyway, that his memories of her would fade once again, he had to make his move.

The cold December wind coursed through the basement, whistling an eerie harmony that sent pulsating chills up his spine. Not the type to become unhitched—not anymore—he knew he shouldn’t be afraid. But he didn’t like this dilapidated building and the quiet, lonely feeling it permeated—a reminder of the darker days of his childhood. And he wondered why on earth Raine would come here. Why anyone would come here.

Just as he was getting ready to close the door, a maneuver so slight, so delicate, caught him off-guard. Though to be forgiven instantly as soon as he glimpsed her reflection, paled by the illumination, flooding in through the broken, battered window from the streetlight outside. Tonight, a glittering, gold band kept her auburn hair from falling in her face while the rest of the soft mane escaped and expanded around her shoulders. A black, wool jacket was buckled tight around her slim waist.

Raine was smiling. It seemed to be a sad sort of smile, he thought as she looked down at the blanket again. Having already wondered about the reason for her being here, he now wanted to know what was so important about that damn ratty piece of cloth. But, he didn’t have the time. Though, he did have to admit, it was kind of ironic—the abandoned church with its makeshift cell—suiting his needs just fine.

Thinking quickly, he took out the rope and pushed one end through the bars. Originally he’d planned to sneak up behind her, restrict her, and hold her. And as much as he would love to have her body against his—he realized this was a much better way, and finished looping the rope around a cylinder of steel, pulling it back through to meet at his fingers. It wasn’t like he could have locked it anyway. There was no key.

“Huh?” The sound of the old rusted metal startled her as he closed the cell door. She dropped the blanket and ran toward the only exit. Toward him.

Could she see him? Possibly, but it was dark here in the shadows. Still, he shouldn’t take the chance, risking everything, he thought, and ducked around the corner. Safe and now out of sight, he relaxed his back against the cold, hard concrete wall.

Finding out the door wouldn’t open, she pulled violently, shouting, “Who—who’s there? What do you want?” Fear was making her strong and he had to get a tighter grip. He coiled the length of rope around the arm of his jacket, embracing himself in a hug to secure his hold.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he said. “I have questions,” he inhaled deeply, bracing his booted feet to the floor. “And I promise to let you go when I get what I need.” She quit yanking on the door, allowing him a breather. Either she was tired too, or she was willing to cooperate.

“I didn’t think anyone came down here anymore,” she said, exasperated. “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.” Her breath was catching while she tugged at the door again. He could swear he heard her heart thumping. Her warm, pulsating heart. Or was it his own? What he really wanted right now was to touch her. Put his hea— “Look, I don’t even think you have the right person.”

“Trust me, you are the right person.” The only person who could give him what he wanted. His memories. And not just temporarily. But forever. He didn’t dare let up on the rope now. There was no way he was going to ruin this by letting her see him. Even though she’d probably never know who he was. “Are you going to let me get to the point or not?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “I don’t have much time. My mother expects me home soon.”

“All right,” he said. “It’s really just confirmation I’m looking for.” The wind flared up again, sending a drift of snow in through the window of the cell. He heard Raine gasp in surprise. “You, okay?”

“Yeah, but it’s cold and creepy down here,” she said. “Hurry up, I’m not feeling well—I want to go!”

“About that, exactly. How long have you been sick?” Silence. He knew what she was probably thinking—why would anyone hold someone captive to ask such a stupid question? But it was important. It played a part in everything. And he needed to be certain.

“Uh, why?”

“Just answ

Just curious to know if this sounds intriguing to start out. And any thoughts about or what you think so far...

It had been going on for weeks, and still, the girl had no idea she was being followed.

Standing in the center of the old abandoned church, holding a tattered, grey blanket in her red, nail polished fingers, the girl—Raine—he’d known her name all along—was more beautiful than he’d ever imagined. And he’d imagined her often over the years.

If only she would turn around. Then he could try to memorize what he’d miss the most. Would it be those compassionate, hazel eyes? The sexy pout of her lips? Or maybe her frosty-rose colored cheeks, molded perfectly into a heart-shaped face? It didn’t matter. He’d remember it all. For now.

Knowing it wouldn’t last long anyway, that his memories of her would fade once again, he had to make his move.

The cold December wind coursed through the basement, whistling an eerie harmony that sent pulsating chills up his spine. Not the type to become unhitched—not anymore—he knew he shouldn’t be afraid. But he didn’t like this dilapidated building and the quiet, lonely feeling it permeated—a reminder of the darker days of his childhood. And he wondered why on earth Raine would come here. Why anyone would come here.

Just as he was getting ready to close the door, a maneuver so slight, so delicate, caught him off-guard. Though to be forgiven instantly as soon as he glimpsed her reflection, paled by the illumination, flooding in through the broken, battered window from the streetlight outside. Tonight, a glittering, gold band kept her auburn hair from falling in her face while the rest of the soft mane escaped and expanded around her shoulders. A black, wool jacket was buckled tight around her slim waist.

Raine was smiling. It seemed to be a sad sort of smile, he thought as she looked down at the blanket again. Having already wondered about the reason for her being here, he now wanted to know what was so important about that damn ratty piece of cloth. But, he didn’t have the time. Though, he did have to admit, it was kind of ironic—the abandoned church with its makeshift cell—suiting his needs just fine.

Thinking quickly, he took out the rope and pushed one end through the bars. Originally he’d planned to sneak up behind her, restrict her, and hold her. And as much as he would love to have her body against his—he realized this was a much better way, and finished looping the rope around a cylinder of steel, pulling it back through to meet at his fingers. It wasn’t like he could have locked it anyway. There was no key.

“Huh?” The sound of the old rusted metal startled her as he closed the cell door. She dropped the blanket and ran toward the only exit. Toward him.

Could she seen him? Possibly, but it was dark here in the shadows. Still, he shouldn’t take the chance, risking everything, he thought, and ducked around the corner. Safe and now out of sight, he relaxed his back against the cold, hard concrete wall.

Finding out the door wouldn’t open, she pulled violently, shouting, “Who—who’s there? What do you want?” Fear was making her strong and he had to get a tighter grip. He coiled the length of rope around the arm of his jacket, embracing himself in a hug to secure his hold.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he said. “I have questions,” he inhaled deeply, bracing his booted feet to the floor. “And I promise to let you go when I get what I need.” She quit yanking on the door, allowing him a breather. Either she was tired too, or she was willing to cooperate.

“I didn’t think anyone came down here anymore,” she said, exasperated. “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.” Her breath was catching while she tugged at the door again. He could swear he heard her heart thumping. Her warm, pulsating heart. Or was it his own? What he really wanted right now was to touch her. Put his hea— “Look, I don’t even think you have the right person.”

“Trust me, you are the right person.” The only person who could give him what he wanted. His memories. And not just temporarily. But forever. He didn’t dare let up on the rope now. There was no way he was going to ruin this by letting her see him. Even though she’d probably never know who he was. “Are you going to let me get to the point or not?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “I don’t have much time. My mother expects me home soon.”

“All right,” he said. “It’s really just confirmation I’m looking for.” The wind flared up again, sending a drift of snow in through the window of the cell. He heard Raine gasp in surprise. “You, okay?”

“Yeah, but it’s cold and creepy down here,” she said. “Hurry up, I’m not feeling well—I want to go!”

“About that, exactly. How long have you been sick?” Silence. He knew what she was probably thinking—why would anyone hold someone captive to ask such a stupid question? But it was important. It played a part in everything. And he needed to be certain.

“Uh, why?”

“Just answer.”

“Fine,” she said, grumbling

I am wondering what everyone else does when they write a chapter and even after a few of my readers tell me if they like it, what they like, what they don't like etc, i end up wanting to fix it. Sometimes I read something I wrote and really like it, then I will be reading another book or whatever and have to go back and pick mine apart. Any suggestions? Is it just me being too critical or should you disect it to death lol. just curious if this happens to anyone else.

This is just the beginning of the first chapter, the rest of it wouldn't fit, sorry. Just want to know if it sounds intriguing and if the writing style is good. Thanks

Raine didn’t want to throw up all over the guests, but with the strange flu-like symptoms lingering around for the past two months—it might be inevitable. The party was this Friday, and she had to go. Eden would kill her if she didn’t.

Continuing down the long corridor, her stomach constricted nervously with each step, until she finally reached the unfamiliar room. Her anxiety heightened while she hesitated just outside the door. Though, from what Raine could see of the inside; it looked pretty much like any of the other ordinary offices she’d been to in the past that had held a desk, a chair, and a couch. Everything was neutral—natural. Boring. Only it didn’t feel very natural, thought Raine. And, if she could help it, she wouldn’t be here at all. Please, just don’t say anything about the boy, she warned herself.

“Raine Davies?” said the young, tall, lanky man with the blue-black hair. He was Asian, and Raine’s new therapist. He had on navy-blue dress pants, a cream colored sweater with a turtle-neck a tone lighter underneath, and shiny, brown leather shoes. She thought she might hate him already—not because of his ethnic background or his clothes, but because of his occupation.

He held his lightly tanned hand out for hers, grasping it gently. “Hello, I’m Dr. Kai,” he said, smiling with very white, perfect teeth. She could only stare at him then, at his gleaming teeth, his slightly angled, dark eyes, because he looked strangely familiar. Raine took her hand away slowly. He was really good-looking too, she thought, deciding maybe she could like him after all. Except that he was still a boy. Well, in this case, a man.

“Yeah, I’m she,” she said sluggishly, plopping herself down into the over-stuffed, brown leather chair instead of over on the couch—it was cliché to even have it there, she thought. And, it made it all even more stupid, because Raine knew she didn’t need to talk to anyone about her problems. As far as she was concerned—there weren’t any. A distant voice in her head whispered back. Liar.

“How old are you, Raine?” he asked, taking his position at the wooden desk. A small dying plant and a laptop occupied the right half, and on the left was a stack of files and a nearly empty glass of water. She thought maybe he should dump the rest of the water in the plant, give it a chance to survive. An early, evening light came in from the west window, reflecting off the shiny, back surface of the laptop, projecting a glare across the doctor’s glasses. He shut it reflexively, swallowed the last of the flat water—so much for the plant—and then plucked a red file off the top of the five-inch stack. Assuming it was hers, she thought that he should already know her age. Didn’t he even try to figure her out before she got here?

“I’ll be eighteen on Friday,” she said, blinking casually as she absently rubbed at her right knee, over her black, skinny jeans—one of her many nervous habits.

“Yes, of course,” he said. “What a good day for a birthday! The end of the world as we know it,” he said mockingly. “You must have heard about that?” The doctor sounded amused. She definitely had heard things. How could she not?—it was the supposed apocalypse predicted for December 21, 2012. The winter solstice. And it just happened to coincide with her eighteenth birthday.

Raine didn’t believe any of it—not the rumors, the books, or any of the articles flying around cyberspace: Solar storms plaguing us with radiation, the earth colliding with the planet Nibiru. However, she did believe that something would happen. The boy had said so. But what he had said, she hadn’t been bothered to remember. Okay, maybe a little bothered; her dreams had definitely been trying to get her attention.

“Yeah, I don’t buy into those sorts of things. But I do like astrology,” she announced, not knowing why she’d tell this complete stranger anything about her hobby. Maybe thinking about the boy had thrown her off.

“Oh, so you must know about the Mayan’s Long Count calendar having been one of the rising issues related to the frivolous uproar,” he said, like he’d won something by baiting her into conversation, trying to make her more comfortable with him by talking crap. “By the way, I don’t buy into those things, either,” he said with a wink. She couldn’t help it; she was actually starting to like this guy. But that was ok; he was only just a doctor, right?

“Well, I haven’t studied it all that much, they were into astrology and astronomy, that’s true, but I think their calendar is just like ours—only longer—way longer,” she laughed, deciding to take his bait. Maybe get some fun out of it. “Just like any normal calendar, it will end at a specific period and pick up again at the start of a new one. No alarm necessary,” waving it off as a joke, she added, “with no e

Raine didn’t want to throw up all over the guests, but with the strange flu-like symptoms lingering around for the past two months—it might be inevitable. The party was this Friday, and she had to go. Eden would kill her if she didn’t.

Continuing down the long corridor, her stomach constricted nervously with each step, until she finally reached the unfamiliar room. Her anxiety heightened while she hesitated just outside the door. Though, from what Raine could see of the inside; it looked pretty much like any of the other ordinary offices she’d been to in the past that had held a desk, a chair, and a couch. Everything was neutral—natural. Boring. Only it didn’t feel very natural, thought Raine. And, if she could help it, she wouldn’t be here at all. Please, just don’t say anything about the boy, she warned herself.

“Raine Davies?” said the young, tall, lanky man with the blue-black hair. He was Asian, and Raine’s new therapist. He had on navy-blue dress pants, a cream colored sweater with a turtle-neck a tone lighter underneath, and shiny, brown leather shoes. She thought she might hate him already—not because of his ethnic background or his clothes, but because of his occupation.

He held his lightly tanned hand out for hers, grasping it gently. “Hello, I’m Dr. Kai,” he said, smiling with very white, perfect teeth. She could only stare at him then, at his gleaming teeth, his slightly angled, dark eyes, because he looked strangely familiar. Raine took her hand away slowly. He was really good-looking too, she thought, deciding maybe she could like him after all. Except that he was still a boy. Well, in this case, a man.

“Yeah, I’m she,” she said sluggishly, plopping herself down into the over-stuffed, brown leather chair instead of over on the couch—it was cliché to even have it there, she thought. And, it made it all even more stupid, because Raine knew she didn’t need to talk to anyone about her problems. As far as she was concerned—there weren’t any. A distant voice in her head whispered back. Liar.

“How old are you, Raine?” he asked, taking his position at the wooden desk. A small dying plant and a laptop occupied the right half, and on the left was a stack of files and a nearly empty glass of water. She thought maybe he should dump the rest of the water in the plant, give it a chance to survive. An early, evening light came in from the west window, reflecting off the shiny, back surface of the laptop, projecting a glare across the doctor���s glasses. He shut it reflexively, swallowed the last of the flat water—so much for the plant—and then plucked a red file off the top of the five-inch stack. Assuming it was hers, she thought that he should already know her age. Didn’t he even try to figure her out before she got here?

“I’ll be eighteen on Friday,” she said, blinking casually as she absently rubbed at her right knee, over her black, skinny jeans—one of her many nervous habits.

“Yes, of course,” he said. “What a good day for a birthday! The end of the world as we know it,” he said mockingly. “You must have heard about that?” The doctor sounded amused. She definitely had heard things. How could she not?—it was the supposed apocalypse predicted for December 21, 2012. The winter solstice. And it just happened to coincide with her eighteenth birthday.

Raine didn’t believe any of it—not the rumors, the books, or any of the articles flying around cyberspace: Solar storms plaguing us with radiation, the earth colliding with the planet Nibiru. However, she did believe that something would happen. The boy had said so. But what he had said, she hadn’t been bothered to remember. Okay, maybe a little bothered; her dreams had definitely been trying to get her attention.

“Yeah, I don’t buy into those sorts of things. But I do like astrology,” she announced, not knowing why she’d tell this complete stranger anything about her hobby. Maybe thinking about the boy had thrown her off.

“Oh, so you must know about the Mayan’s Long Count calendar having been one of the rising issues related to the frivolous uproar,” he said, like he’d won something by baiting her into conversation, trying to make her more comfortable with him by talking crap. “By the way, I don’t buy into those things, either,” he said with a wink. She couldn’t help it; she was actually starting to like this guy. But that was ok; he was only just a doctor, right?

“Well, I haven’t studied it all that much, they were into astrology and astronomy, that’s true, but I think their calendar is just like ours—only longer—way longer,” she laughed, deciding to take his bait. Maybe get some fun out of it. “Just like any normal calendar, it will end at a specific period and pick up again at the start of a new one. No alarm necessary,” waving it off as a joke, she added, “with no end-of-the-world prediction.”

“You seem very smart, Raine.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” she replied, rolling her eyes. He ignored her derisive tone, and continued on.

this is part of my first chapter, just wanted to know if it sounds intriguing enough. I want to know if it would need to be more exciting right away or if going in with just the little hint at the boy for now is enough. of course the whole chapter doesn't fit on here so i couldn't let you see the rest...

Raine didn’t want to throw up all over the guests, but with the strange flu-like symptoms lingering around for the past two months—it might be inevitable. The party was this Friday, and she had to go. Eden would kill her if she didn’t.

Continuing down the long corridor, her stomach constricted nervously with each step, until she finally reached the unfamiliar room. Her anxiety heightened while she hesitated just outside the door. Though, from what Raine could see of the inside; it looked pretty much like any of the other ordinary offices she’d been to in the past that had held a desk, a chair, and a couch. Everything was neutral—natural. Boring. Only it didn’t feel very natural, thought Raine. And, if she could help it, she wouldn’t be here at all. Please, just don’t say anything about the boy, she warned herself.

“Raine Davies?” said the young, tall, lanky man with the blue-black hair. He was Asian, and Raine’s new therapist. He had on navy-blue dress pants, a cream colored sweater with a turtle-neck a tone lighter underneath, and shiny, brown leather shoes. She thought she might hate him already—not because of his ethnic background or his clothes, but because of his occupation.

He held his lightly tanned hand out for hers, grasping it gently. “Hello, I’m Dr. Kai,” he said, smiling with very white, perfect teeth. She could only stare at him then, at his gleaming teeth, his slightly angled, dark eyes, because he looked strangely familiar. Raine took her hand away slowly. He was really good-looking too, she thought, deciding maybe she could like him after all. Except that he was still a boy. Well, in this case, a man.

“Yeah, I’m she,” she said sluggishly, plopping herself down into the over-stuffed, brown leather chair instead of over on the couch—it was cliché to even have it there, she thought. And, it made it all even more stupid, because Raine knew she didn’t need to talk to anyone about her problems. As far as she was concerned—there weren’t any. A distant voice in her head whispered back. Liar.

“How old are you, Raine?” he asked, taking his position at the wooden desk. A small dying plant and a laptop occupied the right half, and on the left was a stack of files and a nearly empty glass of water. She thought maybe he should dump the rest of the water in the plant, give it a chance to survive. An early, evening light came in from the west window, reflecting off the shiny, back surface of the laptop, projecting a glare across the doctor’s glasses. He shut it reflexively, swallowed the last of the flat water—so much for the plant—and then plucked a red file off the top of the five-inch stack. Assuming it was hers, she thought that he should already know her age. Didn’t he even try to figure her out before she got here?

“I’ll be eighteen on Friday,” she said, blinking casually as she absently rubbed at her right knee, over her black, skinny jeans—one of her many nervous habits.

“Yes, of course,” he said. “What a good day for a birthday! The end of the world as we know it,” he said mockingly. “You must have heard about that?” The doctor sounded amused. She definitely had heard things. How could she not?—it was the supposed apocalypse predicted for December 21, 2012. The winter solstice. And it just happened to coincide with her eighteenth birthday.

Raine didn’t believe any of it—not the rumors, the books, or any of the articles flying around cyberspace: Solar storms plaguing us with radiation, the earth colliding with the planet Nibiru. However, she did believe that something would happen. The boy had said so. But what he had said, she hadn’t been bothered to remember. Okay, maybe a little bothered; her dreams had definitely been trying to get her attention.

“Yeah, I don’t buy into those sorts of things. But I do like astrology,” she announced, not knowing why she’d tell this complete stranger anything about her hobby. Maybe thinking about the boy had thrown her off.

“Oh, so you must know about the Mayan’s Long Count calendar having been one of the rising issues related to the frivolous uproar,” he said, like he’d won something by baiting her into conversation, trying to make her more comfortable with him by talking crap. “By the way, I don’t buy into those things, either,” he said with a wink. She couldn’t help it; she was actually starting to like this guy. But that was ok; he was only just a doctor, right?

“Well, I haven’t studied it all that much, they were into astrology and astronomy, that’s true, but I think their calendar is just like ours—only longer—way longer,” she laughed, deciding to take his bait. Maybe get some fun out of it. “Just like any normal calendar, it

there of course is more of a plot to all of this, but i wanted to include astrology and tarot card readings as some of the catalyst that hints at what is yet to come into play for my protagonist. What I am thinking is that she reads heavily into the meanings behind things, and i would be putting the actual horoscope in italics each time i did this--or the meaning of the tarot reading she'd done for herself or by someone.... what do you think so far of this idea?

I am writing a book that has a lot of information to get you to the point. It is a fantasy and there are many subplots and it's hard to get it all into dialogue. I understand that I need to find a simpler way of doing this just want some suggestions. Are the falshbacks wrong to do? See, the story started way before this person was even born etc. then the first chapter starts out when she is younger then in chapter two she is sixteen. that s when the good stuff starts to really happen. but i need the other information somehow. I have also written a couple prologues but still find it doesnt give evryone in the story's information. ahhhh! help lol

I already have a phone, and I'm on a three year contract and I have one year left.

Am I able to buy an iphone for the three year contract price ($199.00) still? or is it going to cost me more?

can i just use real life cities but change names and stores within the city. i know ive read books that put fictional places within places like other worldy dimensions etc but i mean, if i make up street names and areas of the city for an example a park or store, or do i have to research the area and make sure i put the real street names etc. just wondering

can i just use real life cities but change names and stores within the city. i know ive read books that put fictional places within places like other worldy dimensions etc but i mean, if i make up street names and areas of the city for an example a park or store, or do i have to research the area and make sure i put the real street names etc. just wondering

Hi, this is gross but my mattress is a pillowtop beautiful and comfy and only had it for eight months. I recently found directly on the mattress where all the little pillow top grooves are, tiny red wormlike things. I have only seen two, one two nites ago and one tonight. I also noticed hard tiny stone like pieces in all the grooves so im assumming that they might be eggs. I am totally freaked. any help would be great. I would really hate to throw out the new mattress it was like 1000.00 shoot.

ok i want to write about mysticism, occult etc, akashic records for instance, can i put my own spin on it? or the emerald tablet? these are older things and i want to include them in my story, but in my own way. any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated thanks

I know there can be short and long chapters, but I would like to know an average of the two please. I was thinking around 3000 words? Is that enough?