Richard Serenity

When doing up your pants, do you button then zip or zip then button?

I button then zip.

What does a Triangle have that the Toronto Maple Leafs dont? 3 points lol.

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I'm getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan." After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife, but has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heartbroken. After eight months he eventually started dating again. A year later he came home and proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June." Again, his father insisted on a private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious. He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

If you could go back to any point in your life and change something you said or did, when would you back too?

And what would you change?

Personally I could never be bothered with the clip, i'm a folder lol.

After winning just one World Series in their first 125 seasons (1980), it seems absurd to suggest the Phils could win a second title in as many years this year. Yet the Phils have maintained a slight edge in the NL East heading toward the All-Star break. Injuries aside, the Phillies' biggest roadblock to a possible third straight division title, to say nothing of a second straight World Series win, is something that should be one of their biggest strengths: their own ballpark. After going unbeaten at home last postseason, the Phillies have inexplicably struggled this season -- going 17-22 -- a dangerous precedent. Only one team in the wild card era has ever made the playoffs with a losing home record (the 2001 Braves, who went 40-41). The Phillies may have finally turned a corner, sweeping the Mets over the July 4th 5th weekend and then pounding the Reds 22-1 on July 6th for their first four-game home winning streak of the year.

Until Strasburg actually signs, this is a moot point, but the Nationals drafted him not only for his powerful right arm but because he is the ultimate "quick to the big leagues guy," in the words of general manager Mike Rizzo. If Strasburg signs soon enough to allow himself some proper development time in the minors, it would seem to make perfect sense to have him get a taste of big-league life -- and show off their prize to a fan base starving for good news -- when rosters expand in September. The problem is that if Strasburg doesn't sign until the mid-August deadline, that would severely hinder his chances to be ready to take a big league mound just a few weeks later.

It's hard to look at the AL pecking order and envision any of the three teams in the Central currently above .500 posing a serious threat to the big dogs of the AL -- namely the Red Sox, Yankees and Angels (and, perhaps, the Rays). But if there is, it would be the Tigers, who have compensated for a surprisingly weak offense with a starting pitching staff that is tailor-made for playoff baseball. In Justin Verlander, Edwin Jackson and Rick Porcello, the Tigers have three quality arms to match up with the front three of any of those other staffs, especially in a short series.

Although there have been several impressive pitching performances this year (witness Jarrod Washburn's one-hitter on July 6th) and a handful of pitchers have flirted with no-nos, there has still not been a no-hitter this season. Insignificant you say? Well, yes, but historically intriguing just the same. There has been at least one no-hitter in 17 of the past 19 years. If history is any guide, the year's first no-no may come from a most unlikely source. The last time a season went this long without a no-hitter in a year in which one was eventually pitched came in 2006 when Florida rookie Anibal Sanchez did it in just his 14th career start. Sanchez's no-hitter ended the longest drought between no-nos in baseball history.

Any guesses on who?

Or do you think it won't happen this season?

How do I use a tampon?

Have you been collecting for a long time?

Who do you root for when and if your team is eliminated?

The sound of falling rain in your opinion is?

Amazing.

Annoying.

Loud.

I don't even notice it.

Add your own thought.

Lets see which one is the poll winner?

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses

9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale

9:30 Light Breakfast

11:00 Sunbathe

12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe

1:45 Shopping

2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs

3:00 Facial, massage, nap

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing

10:00 Make love

11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm.

7:00 Shower and massage.

7:30 *******.

7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.

8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.

8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.

9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.

11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.

12:30 *******.

12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.

2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.

3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.

6:15 *******.

6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.

7:30 ****, shower, shave.

8:00 Watch sports

9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero

10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries

11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight *******. Sleep

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.

He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure.

She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end.

Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Two of my none Yogi favorites lol

Good pitching will beat good hitting any time, and vice versa.

Bob Veale

It’s a pretty sure thing that the player’s bat is what speaks loudest when it’s contract time, but there are moments when the glove has the last word.

Brooks Robinson

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

I know this would never happen but I wonder what the ruling would be if it did?