?

I know this is long but please I really need so.eone to help sort my **** out so first things first I know I am not a pedophile and yes of course in my state of mine right now my brains just wanting me to accept that I am because it truly.belives I am based on the attraction I've been having but I'm not!

I know because sometimes the delusions stop and I'll come out of it and I wouldn't think twice about being minor attracted some days WHE N I'm feeling good I don't even tho k about it but it happens when I'm stressed or depressed. or confused it's like my mind picks the Worst thing I could think of and makes me have all the thoughts please help. I used to do this with gay thoughts until my mind went to pedophile thoughts .

I have not watched cp thanks yo some bad advice o. a Reddit forum and curiosity ai have masturbated to images and fantasy a couple times like younger xvideos and so on.

dude for anyone reading this with smart add remarks

I don't want this ****

I'm mentally ill I know this isn't reality but I can't live like this anymore please HELP I'm on.the verge of suicide not because of not wanting to hurt a kid.

I know since I'm not a real pedi I wouldn't actually do that but because it's making it hard to make friends my own age due to shame and guilt.

I have been taking these medications off and on for about 3-4 weeks now. Welbutrin at about 300 mgs and neurotin at about 300 mg daily.

I have tried to stop the neurotin recently and have experinced some withdrawl symptons but at the time

Ive been tapering my welbutrin Im at about 200 mg now.

Is thia long enough and high enough ofa dose to cause dependency?

And if so what is it from?

I feel achy,dizzy. Unfocused. Confused and Its weird but my legs feel like they have the flu?

Like that hot restless feeling?

Please helo and tell me how long this will last and what to do please??