Discovery

Hi

Big question for you all. Firstly, I know what's right, but I know telling this secret can ruin this person's life, as well as my own family's.

When I was about 8, my brother started sexually abusing me, it gradually got worse and included him taking my virginity and making me give him head jobs. Although I still don't understand how anyone can be groomed into doing this stuff - I have to stop and remember that someone as strong minded as me was groomed. How did this happen. It all stopped when I was about 14 when my other brother walked in on us, and the abusive brother jumped up and wrestled him to the ground as i quickly got dressed. That was the end of it. I know the other brother knows - and hates him.

Don't think this was some lovely feeling experience - i was internally terrified and on the outside I was a very extroverted and a bossy person.I wet the bed till I was 17 - I never wanted to be caught late at night with him, so I wouldnt get up. I stopped wetting the bed 3 weeks after I moved out of home - and started a drinking problem. From one problem to the next. looking back it seems I just wanted to take this all out on somebody - and I'm sorry it was me. The horrors of being young and naive. This secret has never been spoken - as i said, my brother has a family now and it would tear them apart - but one of the children is a little girl. And my parents would be devastated. I think they have an idea that something did go on, I did get asked a few questions growing up about him and if he ever touched me - but being young i didnt want to get in trouble and said nothing. So I dont think that i wont be believed if I tell. This went on for years, it has affected my life - and previously i felt that by saying something there would be no value - or even that my feelings will change and I'll get over it. I've pretended for years that this brother and i get along - maybe it just needs to stay that way. Truth is, I do think its time to say something - but i need to consider the consequences. I already hurt from this experience, what is value in making everyone hurt also. Will it actually change things and make me feel better? really? I think I'd be facing a world who now knows my shame and possibly be facing another painful reality .

Take it all in, really consider if this was you and your family what you would say.

I will listen to your answers. Thank you.

I would like to give you all a spot to say something you've always wanted to say, tell someone, let out, get off your chest. Here's your chance. No repercussions. Go for it. xoxoxox.