the barnacle

liverpool couldn't win the league with alonso mascherano gerrard but have a chance with gerrard allen and henderson

Or was it something else

What do you say to a chelsea supporter with a good looking girl on his are. nice tattoo

what do you call a Chelsea fan in a suit .... The accused

what's the difference between a fat girl and Chelsea striker ........even a fat girl scores once in a while

1-David Moyes spent 11 years trying to get Everton above Man United and now he's finally achieved it.

Some say to get there kids to stop being bad or to get put to sleep they make them watch a chelsea game. Unlucky bastards

What have Man Utd and a three-pin plug got in common?

They're both **** all use in Europe.

What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a vibrator?

: A Man U fan is a real dick.

: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4:45 pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?

: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a (any of the 19 pl teams) scarf.

"Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."

"What?" Exclaims the man, astonished.

"You heard, no Man Utd fans."

"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Man Utd supporter.

"Oh really," says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?"

"Well," said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa."

"Oh," says St. Peter. "Anything else?"

"Well, two weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."

"Hmmm. Anything else?"

"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."

Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now piss off."

LAST ONE

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

What have Man Utd and a three-pin plug got in common?

They're both **** all use in Europe.

What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a vibrator?

: A Man U fan is a real dick.

: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4:45 pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?

: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a (any of the 19 pl teams) scarf.

"Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."

"What?" Exclaims the man, astonished.

"You heard, no Man Utd fans."

"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Man Utd supporter.

"Oh really," says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?"

"Well," said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa."

"Oh," says St. Peter. "Anything else?"

"Well, two weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."

"Hmmm. Anything else?"

"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."

Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now piss off."

LAST ONE

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early play time for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Manchester United.'

Wayne Rooney walks into a sperm donor bank in London... "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Wayne "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Wayne . The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...

It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early play time for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Manchester United.'

Wayne Rooney walks into a sperm donor bank in London... "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Wayne "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Wayne . The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...

lets laught at you again

What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain? : Gifted

What is the difference between an Man U supporter and a baby? : The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Did you hear that Manchester United doesn't have a website? : They can't string three "Ws" together.

Why did god invent alcohol? : So Man U supporters can get laid too.

man utd who are they who cant beat them at home so embarrassing nearly 1-1

they not good without him he was there best player one of the refs got singing of the season without the dinosaur they dont put the fear in no more

did they go back to supporting qpr and stoke cause its less embarrassing now

He should play against us we cant score more then 2 so should be alright

Loads of manager said he was one of the best but after his crash he was never the same player

Will any man utd player get in chelsea tottenhams arsenal man citys team mayby van persie

most new signings aint played yet but whos the best signing

just cause a team payed alot dont make them the best