sylesh3

One entry per person!!! the funniest win 10points!!!

Jamal is a 15 year-old 5th grader.

........

This is Jamal's homework

assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my b***ch rectum both.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a

cup and said penis.

6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake."

He say, "B******T, that watch israel."

7. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the

apartment undermine.

8. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "How much?"

she say "fortify."

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word....

Today's word is: "OMELETTE"

Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo *** fo what you jus did, but omelette

dis one slide."

Find her,

Follow her,

Friend her,

Flirt her,

French her,

Finger her,

Force her,

F**k her,

Forget her,

Find Next.!!!!!

I will start with a word, and whoever comes will add another word and so on until we create a story!!!I dunno if it will work but let's try at least. the word is "The...

Because let's face it, have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law!!?

Visiting a psychiatric ward, a man asks a nurse how it's decided whether to admit a person.

"Well" she says " we fill a bath, then offer a spoon and a bucket to the person and ask him to empty it."

"I get it" the visitor says, "a normal person would use the bucket because it's biggest."

"No," the nurse says. "a normal person would pull the plug. I'll go and prepare a room for you."

it goes like this

hhmm mm hhhmmm tada dada diidaida

hhhhmmm diidii da diiiidadada tada nananana

dida nanana

1. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

2. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

6. Have a bad toothache ? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

At 8- you take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18- you tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28- you don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38- she tells you a story and take you to bed.

At 48- you tell her a story to avoid getting in bed with her.

At 58- you stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68- if you take her to bed, that will be a story!!!!

A girl was checking the tattoos on his boyfriend.

He had NIKE on his left arm, REEBOK on his right, PUMA on his chest. Then she got a shock wen she saw AIDS written on his c**k.

"Don't worry gurl," he says "when it's aroused it spells ADDIDAS."

Daughter on the cover of Vogue.

Son on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Mistress on the cover of Playboy.

and Wife on the cover of Missing Persons.

Fatherly Explanation

Son (S): Why is making love so enjoyable?

Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger!!

S: Why do women enjoy sex more than men?

F: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped?

F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else comes over and digs in your nose, do you like it??

S: Why can women not have sex when they are menstruating?

F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it??

S: Why do men not like to wear condoms when they are making love?

F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?

S: Why is making love carried out in private?

F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: What is an orgasm?

F: The same as sneezing, but the other way round

S: Is it true that women love big d***s?

F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb?

I drank Vodka with water, I got DRUNK

I drank Whiskey with water, I got DRUNK

I drank Rum with water, I got DRUNK

I swear, I will never drink Water ever again!!!!!

A - Almost boobs

B - Barely there

C - Can do

D - Damn Good

E - Enormous

F - Fake

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Nike Condoms - Just do it.

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.

KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.

Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.

Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.

Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.

Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop

Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper

Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide

FCUK condoms - no comment required.

Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.

Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Renault condoms - size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin

Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please)

AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service

Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!

11. "What the f**k do you mean we're sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the f**k was that?"

-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those f**king Indians come from?"

-- Custer, 1877

8. "Any f**king idiot could understand that."

-- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so f**king look like her!"

-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the f**k did you work that out?"

-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?"

-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the f**k are we?"

-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered f**king showers, my ***!"

-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the f**k is going to find out?"

-- Bill Clinton, 1999

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f**king mad."

-- Sadaam Hussein, 2003

1. You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

2. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

3. A lady inserted an ad in the classified's: "Husband Wanted." Next day, she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing" "You can have mine."

4. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

5. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

6. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

7. A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "that happens in every country, son."

8. Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

9. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

10. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say-talk in your sleep.

11. Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

12. First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

13. A woman's prayer - Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.