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Canadian mother of 3, step-mother of 2, Grand-mother of 4 and Foster Mother. I think the children of this world would be happy and well adjusted if their parents would actually take the time to BE parents, to spend time with their children, and to nurture and protect the little lives entrusted to them. Our role is to guide and encourage our children.
What can I do about my jealous adult step-child?
I'm having a problem that I don't know how to handle. I married my husband almost 20 years ago, his wife had died (my first husband had also died) and we each had two teens. We both sold our homes, and bought a bigger house together.
So far, so good. I am using the terms "step children" and "my children" to differentiate them, but we don't use those words in our family.
I have always treated my step-children well, my own kids don't get anything that my husband's kids don't get - at birthdays we spend the same on each one, at Christmas too - and that now goes for all their children as well - I do not favour my own bio-kids or grand-children over my husbands.
The problem is that HIS children have always been jealous of MY children.
For example, I include my step children when I call my kids once or twice a week, or go and visit them - in fact my step-son lives closer than either of my own kids do, so we have always gone there more.
The problems started a year ago when there was trouble between my son's girlfriend and my step-son's wife (my step-son's wife is the one who told me all about how badly she had spoken to the other girl), so at Christmas 2012 we had two Christmas dinners with my step-children at their homes, and one Christmas dinner with my children.
All Hell broke loose!
I am apparently not allowed to have a meal with my own kids! My step son and his wife have not brought their children to visit us since then, although I do go and visit them at their house.
On Mother's Day my step-son came by but wouldn't come in the house (my own children were here, they had arrived with their families a few minutes earlier). When I asked his wife why he was so angry and wouldn't come in, she said "He had every right to be angry, he is tired of being second best!"
None of this makes sense to me. I am allowed to have a meal with anyone on the planet, just not my own children?
This is just one example of the jealousy that has gone on for twenty years - years ago, when I took my own daughter to the cemetery to visit her father's grave on the anniversary of his death, my step children called my husband and their grandparents to complain about me! I had offered to take THEM to their mother's grave the month before, but they didn't want to go, but they were so angry when I took my daughter.
There was always anger if I ever spoke to one of my children, privately, even if it was about nothing to do with my step-children, there would be anger and yelling at me, things smashed, fists through walls etc.
My husband won't talk to his son about this, at the moment they are angry with ME so he is staying out of it, but I think he should tell his son that he should be ashamed of his behaviour towards me because I have always been kind to him and his sister.
I have tried to heal this rift in our family, but my and step-son and his wife are still angry and hostile.
I asked this question before, but I think my daughter-in-law saw it as it was deleted due to a complaint from someone who said it violated YA rules!
2 AnswersFamily7 years agoIn Islam, adoption is discouraged or forbidden, but I'm not sure why? Does anyone know?
My husband and I are Foster Parents, and we are taking care of two little Muslim sisters. We are Christian, but I am wondering why there are no Muslim foster parents out there who would take care of these two children? They love to come to Church with us, as they enjoy the singing hymns and such, but shouldn't they be going to Mosque and learning to follow their own faith?
4 AnswersRamadan9 years agoMy husband has just been threatened at work?
He works on the Service desk at a Automotive Dealership and a customer was not satisfied with the work done on his car, so he yelled, swore and screamed on the phone at my husband - the man said that he was going to "do bodily harm" to my husband.
The customer came in to the Service department an hour later, and again screamed and yelled, and threatened my husband again saying "My family will bring you personal harm, because that's what we do in my country!"
My hubby is a quiet, peaceful man, who didn't think to call the Police at the time, but now I have heard all this, I think he should do that.
We live in Ontario, Canada, does any one know if he can charge this person with threatening him?
I am so upset
2 AnswersLaw & Ethics9 years agoWhat does Muft'khathat mean?
I am confused, I think it is allowed in Islam, but need clarification.
Thank you.
9 AnswersRamadan9 years agoIs it true that the most favoured marriage for Muslims, of some cultures, is between first Cousins?
If this is so, then aren't you worried about 1,400 years of in-breeding?
11 AnswersRamadan10 years agoCan someone born in Canada, but taken back to England as a child, come back to Canada?
I have a friend who was born here in Canada, but taken back to the United Kingdom as a child and has lived there for forty years since.
She wants to know how she can move back here, and if there are services to help her get work or housing (as there is for other immigrants), and who should she contact.
Thank you.
3 AnswersImmigration1 decade agoWhat kind of training does a person require, to become a Wedding Officiant, in Ontario, Canada?
I am interested in being able to perform Weddings, but have no idea where training can be taken, or how much it would cost. I live in Ontario, Canada, and have a large country property where weddings could be held.
1 AnswerEngagements & Weddings1 decade agoWhat do teens think of this 29 year old Grandmother ....?
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/meet-29-yr-old-set-become...
Before having sex and thinking they could have and raise a baby, think about becoming a Grandma 14 years later!
5 AnswersTeen & Preteen1 decade agoI will be in St John's, Newfoundland, in May for three days ....?
What are some things that I should see and do while I'm there - what "must see" things are there?
1 AnswerSt. John's1 decade agoUntil recently, my computer would remember my login information for the sites I use often, but it has stopped?
How do I restore that function - I hate having to type in every username and password. My husband says he didn't touch any settings, but something has changed in the past few weeks. Help please!
3 AnswersOther - Computers1 decade agoWhat would happen if my Muslim friend wanted to leave Islam?
My friend is 21, single, and does not want to be a Muslim any more, but she is afraid - why would she be scared to leave Islam?
12 AnswersRamadan1 decade agoAs a resident of Canada, born and worked in the Netherlands - does anyone know?
how long I have to have worked in the Netherlands to entitle me to a Dutch pension? I lived there until I was 21 and worked there for around 4 years before I emigrated to Canada.
I am now 60 years old and thinking of retiring and wondered if I would be eligible to draw a small pension based on the years I worked there.
1 AnswerNetherlands1 decade agoIs have a "Dove Release" at your wedding something brides would be interested in?
My daughter and I have thought of a small business idea and wonder if having white doves released at or after a wedding, is something that Brides might be interested in.
It is beautiful when a flock of Doves is realeased at the end of a Garden Wedding or at the doors of the Church after a wedding, but we don't know if it would be popular or not.
Here are a couple of websites with info .....
http://www.heavenlydoves.net/index.htm
http://www.whiteangeldoves.com.au/
http://www.heavenlywhitedoves.net/index.html
http://www.lovedoves.com.au/packages.html - do the prices seem reasonable?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F89ugf5IvSA - here is a video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEXXClIw_y0&feature... - here is another video
Thanks for your help!
13 AnswersEngagements & Weddings1 decade agoIs anyone else getting Death Threats from "Oklahoma U"?
He seems a little unbalanced to me - here is what he sent me ......
You *****
Message: It really is time for you to die. It will be the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE on you. I will slam a chainsaw into your brain and deep fry your brain. I will cut your spine out and grill it. I will cut your pancreas out and make jerky out of it. I will cut your intestines out and floss my teeth with it. I will kill your children and family and butcher them for TACO BELL meat. I have tracked down your IP Address and know which country in canada you live in, city, and home you live in. you better pray to god, I come come to the front door and chop your head off. I will use a sword to cut your blood out so that I can bathe in it. Its alright, it is time for you to get slaughtered.
Does anyone know who this Nut-case is? He sounds like a real Weirdo and a bit pathetic.
He has been reported, but I wondered if anyone else has had one of his silly messages?
7 AnswersLaw & Ethics1 decade agoIs anyone else getting Death Threats from "Oklahoma U"?
He seems a little unbalanced to me - here is what he sent me ......
You *****
Message: It really is time for you to die. It will be the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE on you. I will slam a chainsaw into your brain and deep fry your brain. I will cut your spine out and grill it. I will cut your pancreas out and make jerky out of it. I will cut your intestines out and floss my teeth with it. I will kill your children and family and butcher them for TACO BELL meat. I have tracked down your IP Address and know which country in canada you live in, city, and home you live in. you better pray to god, I come come to the front door and chop your head off. I will use a sword to cut your blood out so that I can bathe in it. Its alright, it is time for you to get slaughtered.
Does anyone know who this Nut-case is? He sounds like a real Weirdo and a bit pathetic.
He has been reported, but I wondered if anyone else has had one of his silly messages?
4 AnswersLaw & Ethics1 decade agoMy husband is driving me crazy - am I expecting too much?
I wonder if other wives feel like this - my husband and I have been married for many years and are fairly happy, but there are some things that absolutely drive me mad.
When he is going to be late, he never calls to let me know. Just last month we had to drive to a wedding three hours away (the wedding was the following morning) and he went to help a friend that morning, but didn't call to let me know that he would be late coming home - I finally reached him on his cell phone about three hours after we should have left - he said he got busy and would be home in another two hours! I had been waiting and worrying. He doesn't call if he will be two hours late home from work either - I don't mind if he is even an hour late, but I start to worry if he is later than that and I don't hear from him.
If we are meeting friends for dinner at a restaurant, he is absolutely insistent that we are on time, he says he hates to be late and keep people waiting, but when I am the one waiting, he doesn't care or let me know.
When I had to go away with our daughter for a couple of days, I phoned on the first day and left a message to say we had arrived safely, then the following day to say we would be home in the evening of the following day. We actually hit bad weather and were 4 hours late, but he was asleep in bed when we got home, AND he hadn't listened to the messages!
It makes me feel like he doesn't care - he forgot my birthday a couple of years ago and last year got me a birthday card and gave it to me still in the bag (he hadn't signed it or anything). Last year was a significant birthday for him and I planned a party, booked a Hall, invited all his friends - got our older kids to cook food - it was a great party, but all I get for my birthday is a card that he didn't bother to actually write.
He is a hard worker, we have a lovely home, our kids are doing well, we own a business .... I should be happy, but I'm not.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I expecting too much? Are all men like this?
He really makes me feel like I am unimportant and insignificant.
5 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 decade agoI just got a sack full of beets and need help figuring out what to do with 'em?
I am going to pickle some, and serve some hot buttered beets with dinner tomorrow, but there is still a whole heap of beets to use up - does anyone have any ideas?
Thanks!
8 AnswersCooking & Recipes1 decade agoAm I eligible for a British Pension?
I worked in the UK for about 8 years, and my husband for about 10 years, before we emigrated to Canada in the 1970's.
I was wondering if we would be eligible for a small pension based on the contributions we made during those years.
I would appreciate any help with this, although we are not yet of retirement age, I would like to know.
Thank you.
8 AnswersOther - Politics & Government1 decade agoMy swimming pool - too much chlorine,water is milky, what can I do?
Yesterday I noticed that our pool water was looking a little green, so I checked the Ph and super chlorinated the water in the pool, and when my hubby came home he thought the water didn't look good, so he added chlorine (not knowing I had already done that)
When I test the water now, the Ph is ok, but the chlorine is very high - does anyone know what I can do and is doubling the chlorine make it dangerous to swim in the pool?
3 AnswersOther - Home & Garden1 decade ago