lilmisslouievuitton

And please write in words instead of numbers?

Actress

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven

Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to

him, and

asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and

says, "You

Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The

astonished

Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl

Harbor,

it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the

same,"

replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and

says,

"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked,

Spielberg

replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese

replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Yesterday night i was with my boyfried and he asked me " Tell me something that I can remember for the rest of my life?" And so i need help...plz give me some suggestions about what should i say to him..if he asked me again.

A man is talking to the Lord, trying to understand His eternal nature. "Lord", he asks, whats a million years to you? A million years is but a second to me, the Lord explains. And a million dollars? A penny, the Lord replies. The man feels bold a and now he proceeds to ask. "Lord, would u give me a million dollars?" "Sure, the Lord replies. "Just a second".

Plese give proper details

Plese give proper details

A kid came to a convienient store and asks the clerk, who was working there a light bulb. The clerk said "do u have a lamp". The kid said "Yes". Then the clerk said that show me the lanp. So the kid said i don't have right now, it is at home. So the clerk said go home and bring the lamp so that i can give u a light bulb. The kid goes home and bring back the bulb and then the clerk gave him the bulb.

Next day,

the kid came again and asked for dog food. Again the clerk demands him to go home and bring the dog so that she can give him dog food. The kid goes home and brought dog with him and the clerk gave him dog food.

After few days,

The kid came again and this time he brought a bag with him and asks the clerk to put her hands into the bag. The clerk puts her hands and the bag touches it and them smell and said that "this smells like a ****". The kid replys and said "Now give me some Toilet paper".

How can u tell that he is real? No offence but is there history behind him or its just a kids story?

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven

Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to

him, and

asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and

says, "You

Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The

astonished

Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl

Harbor,

it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the

same,"

replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and

says,

"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked,

Spielberg

replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese

replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's *** and say, 'How about a *******?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighborhood. "How often a week do you sleep with your wife?" asked the inquirer. "Three times," Jeff said without hesitation. "That is once more often than your neighbor," the inquirer said, writing. "That makes sense," Jeff said, "after all, she's my wife."

In the Garden of Eden,

as everyone knows,

Lives Adam and Eve,

without any clothes.

In this garden,

were two little leaves,

one covered Adam's,

one covered Eve's.

As the story goes on,

Never the less to say,

the wind came along,

and blew the leaves away.

At the sight,

Adam did stare,

There was Eve's treasure,

All covered with hair.

And wonder came,

Under Eve's eyes,

As Adam's thing,

started to rise.

They found a spot,

that suited them best,

a nice big tree,

where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider,

and wider apart,

While thrill after thrill,

Came into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing,

Peeked into the hole,

and filled her with passion,

Beyond her control.

Backward and forward,

His thing did slide,

And Eve's treasure,

was all wet inside.

The joy was good,

She wouldn't let loose,

Until Adam's thing,

Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years,

People did screw,

and now it is time,

for me and you.

So pull down your pants,

and lay in the grass,

because I'm in the mood,

for a piece of that ***!

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."