smarty

How did you do it?? I am not over him, and still want to work things out. He has one foot in the door, "I am still attracted to you, and who knows what could happen in the future? I don't plan on dating anyone else....." and one foot out the door, " I don't want a relationship with anyone right now, If you need to date someone else, then I can't stop you." THE KICKER: We've been together FIVE years, he's taken on my son, (whose dad died after birth) and we have a daughter together.

This is a man who pays for EVEYTHING and more. How do you let go of someone who you want, who holds out hope, but never quite gives you what you need????

( I am of sound financial security on my own, and have already legally locked him in to child support....I'm not dumb, just broken hearted....)

How do you surpass the emotional tie????

I have done all the wrong things, I've cried, I've begged for a chance, and I've called over and over. ALL THE WRONG THINGS. I am a successful woman in career, I am a good mother, I am gaining straight A's in school, and even have a GREAT job lined up when I finish in two months, but I ALWAYS fall back into the mess with him. He does not want a relationship with anyone. He is 40 years old, has never been married, and I am 28, and thought he was the one. (I was promised marriage, and we have a daughter together) He is a workaholic. Has no pain over it all, and just tries to pay me off with rent, cars, etc. I wish I were a gold-digger--- I'd be set. Unfortunately, I want to work things out. HE DOESN"T........ but......he always ends every conversation with, "I am still attracted to you, and you never know how things will be in the future..." I seem to take that to heart every time.Plus, he always puts the moves on if the kids happen to be asleep when we exchange. (since I want so badly to make things work, this always seems like a great thing.....only to leave me in ruin.....) I have to keep seeing him, since we exchange my daughter a few times a week. Please, share your experiences. I am heart-broken, but I MUST MOVE ON. I am just so stuck, and don't know how.

I would like a short, polite way of saying that we will be declining gifts for our daughter's first birthday. It's trickier than I thought: I originally thought that I'd write, "we are respectfully declining gifts, _____ simply wants to share her day with you." But then I felt like it might upset aunts or grandparents that would feel joy in giving something.

So I thought about saying that "gifts are not necessary, please come and enjoy the day" but then, people won't want to be the one who doesn't bring a gift if everyone else does, and they'll still feel obligated....

These are trying times, we do NOT need anything, and just want to have a party with our many friends and family to celebrate our daughter's first year.... We will not be opening gifts at the party, so i really want people to know that we mean it when we say they aren't necessary....

HELP me come up with a clever saying that I can include in our invites that gets that message accross without being rude....THANKS!!!!

I went into my personal settings, changed my last name to a shorter version, and updated it. When I look at my personal settings, it appears changed, but my e-mails still say sent by "my full name"

HELP!!

****also posted in dating/singles--- wasn't sure where a committed not married relationship would best be helped***

I am in the process of a trial split.....but with the focus on fixing the relationship. (we have children)

I am trying to give him space, since that's what he feels he needs right now, and at the same time trying to keep the relationship close......I know-- super hard to do.

That's where you come in!!! Give me your best 'make them want it back' moves.

I'm not trying to be dishonest, just desirable. While I give him space, how do I get things back on track? How do I get him thinking.....You know what I mean--- how do I get him to feel like he could be losing this--- and therefore want it back?

I need your A-GAME!

FYI-- I'm a mom to two great kids, so going out and seeing someone new is not an option. Going out is possible, but would be limited, and strictly platonic unless it involved him. I want my relationship to work.

I am in the process of a trial split.....but with the focus on fixing the relationship. (we have children)

I am trying to give him space, since that's what he feels he needs right now, and at the same time trying to keep the relationship close......I know-- super hard to do.

That's where you come in!!! Give me your best 'make them want it back' moves.

I'm not trying to be dishonest, just desirable. While I give him space, how do I get things back on track? How do I get him thinking.....You know what I mean--- how do I get him to feel like he could be losing this--- and therefore want it back?

I need your A-GAME!

FYI-- I'm a mom to two great kids, so going out and seeing someone new is not an option. Going out is possible, but would be limited, and strictly platonic unless it involved him. I want my relationship to work.

***also posted in Health/Mental health***

I love my boyfriend..... and I'm also kind of resentful. I moved in with him after dating for years, when we had our daughter. (I already have a son as well, whose dad died many years ago.) We had always planned on living as a family, so when we were pregnant, we moved forward with that. I left my old community and moved into my BF's house, and we really tried...

I had a very difficult pregnancy, with medical complications, which made living together stressful instead of what we had always thought it would be. After I had my daughter (healthy thank God) I went through what I now know was post partum depression. I didn't really know how bad I felt until I started to feel better when my daughter was around six months old. It was a horrible time....I was totally dead inside, not motivated to do anything, felt panicky, and alone. I thought it was from the move or from all the changes at the time. My BF worked ALL the time, and when I would need his attention, he felt smothered, and I would imagine probably dissapointed by who I had become. We would fight, and i would cry all the time...it was horrible. He hated that I cried,

and pushed me away further, and it became a cycle. I moved out this past month so that the kids were not around the negativity, and so we could work on things for awhile with counseling. now I feel like it's too late because he sees only how I was during the six months post partum. I feel good now, aside from our failing relationship, and I really, really want to make things work. At the same time, I feel angry that during my lowest point in life-- my biggest struggle, he was only thinking of his own issues, and did not emotionally support me.

Anyone dealt with post partum in a relationship? Suggestions as to how I can help us move on?

We are living separately but are thus far committed to trying. If we can find happiness again, we'd like to move forward as a family.

I still hurt very much over this, and I'm sure he still fears what we went through, so it's hard to see the light right now.

I love my boyfriend..... and I'm also kind of resentful. I moved in with him after dating for years, when we had our daughter. (I already have a son as well, whose dad died many years ago.) We had always planned on living as a family, so when we were pregnant, we moved forward with that. I left my old community and moved into my BF's house, and we really tried...

I had a very difficult pregnancy, with medical complications, which made living together stressful instead of what we had always thought it would be. After I had my daughter (healthy thank God) I went through what I now know was post partum depression. I didn't really know how bad I felt until I started to feel better when my daughter was around six months old. It was a horrible time....I was totally dead inside, not motivated to do anything, felt panicky, and alone. I thought it was from the move or from all the changes at the time. My BF worked ALL the time, and when I would need his attention, he felt smothered, and I would imagine probably dissapointed by who I had become. We would fight, and i would cry all the time...it was horrible. He hated that I cried,

and pushed me away further, and it became a cycle. I moved out this past month so that the kids were not around the negativity, and so we could work on things for awhile with counseling. now I feel like it's too late because he sees only how I was during the six months post partum. I feel good now, aside from our failing relationship, and I really, really want to make things work. At the same time, I feel angry that during my lowest point in life-- my biggest struggle, he was only thinking of his own issues, and did not emotionally support me.

Anyone dealt with post partum in a relationship? Suggestions as to how I can help us move on?

We are living separately but are thus far committed to trying. If we can find happiness again, we'd like to move forward as a family.

I still hurt very much over this, and I'm sure he still fears what we went through, so it's hard to see the light right now.

I am pretty darn sure he isn't cheating. I know he works a lot, and is often tired. We are having some relationship issues, but I thought that men naturally want it anyway, and we are still committed. I take care of myself, I'm in shape and I know I'm good. I love him despite our troubles.....We do have an 8 month old....

I know I just listed a lot of reasons that may be the cause of the lack of sex, but how common is it that the girl wants it more? How can I get over the feeling of rejection? Do I keep pursuing, or is that making things worse? Better to play hard to get?

I don't need nasty comments here, just some honest opinions and suggestions...

Ugh, I'll try to keep this simple...(ha!)

I moved into my boyfriend's home last year when we were expecting our now 8month old daughter. I also have an 8 year old boy, whose dad died when he was very small. My BF and I planned to be married after our daughter was born, and to move forward as a family. I am 28, and my BF is 38. I became a SAHM after being a widowed, working, single mom. My BF has never been married and owns two successful businesses. After moving in, I felt very isolated and alone in his huge house away from my community, and with my BF's long hours. My BF felt smothered by the new constant presence of me and my 8year old. The more he distanced himself, the more I felt alone, and the cycle began. I also battled with postpartum depression on my own, since BF was just too busy and could not handle the emotions involved.

I recently moved out with my two kids and am leasing a small house in my old community.I put my son back into his old school so he has some familiarity and consistency. I am devastated that by BFare living apart, but we are not ending the relationship. We are trying to work on things for the year that I have the lease, (with counseling) and he is selling his house to buy in my area. If we can make things work, we will buy a house together. I not, he will move here and be apart.

How do I handle seeing each other now? He wants space, and I need a lot more from our relationship. Do I let him take our 8month old daughter on visits alone, or insist on doing things as a family? Do I let him sleep over? (so far I have only once) Do I keep him included on family events, or let him come to me?

And, finally, am I delusional to think this can work? I mean, the man has been on his own for so long, has all the money in the world, and felt smothered simply having us around.....I am a working class family oriented mom who loves to be close... I love this man, he ADORES his daughter, I can work hard at it, but is it a rediculous battle?

How do i know if it is still good?

How can I hurt him back? I want him to feel as bad as I do....?

I finally opened my eyes after six months of being totally played by someone I really cared about. I have spent so much time listening to this man talk about how he wants to change his life, how much he cares about me, wants to be with me etc... only to find out it's all a load of sh*t....

I have just been the latest in a pattern of people he has taken advantage of.

I am so hurt!! I mean, I slept with this guy, (at least it was good!)

and he's turned out to be a lying jerk.

I know it is immature, and probably not the healthiest--- but I want to make him feel as bad as I do....

Even if that's not possible, how do I not look stupid? How can I get a little dignity back?

Right now I feel dumb for believing his sh*t, caring so much, and giving him awesome love when he was only using me.

How do I look like the stronger/smarter one?

How can I hurt him back? I want him to feel as bad as I do....?

I finally opened my eyes after six months of being totally played by someone I really cared about. I have spent so much time listening to this man talk about how he wants to change his life, how much he cares about me, wants to be with me etc... only to find out it's all a load of sh*t....

I have just been the latest in a pattern of people he has taken advantage of.

I am so hurt!! I mean, I slept with this guy, (at least it was good!)

and he's turned out to be a lying jerk.

I know it is immature, and probably not the healthiest--- but I want to make him feel as bad as I do....

Even if that's not possible, how do I not look stupid? How can I get a little dignity back?

Right now I feel dumb for believing his sh*t, caring so much, and giving him awesome love when he was only using me.

How do I look like the stronger/smarter one?

I finally opened my eyes after six months of being totally played by someone I really cared about. I have spent so much time listening to this man talk about how he wants to change his life, how much he cares about me, wants to be with me etc... only to find out it's all a load of sh*t....

I have just been the latest in a pattern of people he has taken advantage of.

I am so hurt!! I mean, I slept with this guy, (at least it was good!)

and he's turned out to be a lying jerk.

I know it is immature, and probably not the healthiest--- but I want to make him feel as bad as I do....

Even if that's not possible, how do I not look stupid? How can I get a little dignity back?

Right now I feel dumb for believing his sh*t, caring so much, and giving him awesome love when he was only using me.

How do I look like the stronger/smarter one?

I need help sending a message to someone...

It would be a huge favor if you have subcribed and would like to help me. It would just take a minute, and would help me alot....ANYONE----Let me know where I could IM you....

I need someone who has subscribed to yahoo personals to help me out getting a message to someone. (I'm signed up, but I don't have credit card right now)

This would be a huge favor if anyone who is signed up would like to help me out

I have been friends with this girl for over ten years. We have been through alot, are raising our kids close together, and have been very close.

For years we were too close-- intertwined into eachother's lives. She is extremely selfish, and I became that way too in reaction-- pretty negative situation. It got to the point about a year ago where I constantly felt judged and insecure, and she seemed to be annoyed w/ me and I recall her telling me that I wasn't a caring enough friend. ( which may have been true, since I was feeling so defensive all the time.)

So, she pretty much flat out told me 6 months ago that she couldn't talk to me, that I was selfish, etc, etc,.... And we didn't talk much after that. It hurt BAD, but I noticed that my life was alot easier.

SO a couple months ago she started calling more about our kids' school...which turned into the kids playing together-- turned into us talking more...now we talk every day again.

Problem:I still am SO hurt if she's rude...

I feel rediculous that I was just played by a man. I am an intelligent, normally insightful person, but I have been getting played for months by someone I felt really strongly for.

Of course, looking back, I realize that I should have known more at an earlier time, but i guess it's true that we sometimes don't want to see the truth. (even though I really never took myself for someone who could want ANYTHING but the truth!!)

Has anyone been through this? How did you deal with it? He doesn't know that I have all the information I have, and I can easily just break this off while still appearing to be calm and cool about things, but inside i am reeling!! I feel so stupid. How can I stop being angry with myself, and start being angry with the person who hurt me?

I feel rediculous that I was just played by a man. I am an intelligent, normally insightful person, but I have been getting played for months by someone I felt really strongly for.

Of course, looking back, I realize that I should have known more at an earlier time, but i guess it's true that we sometimes don't want to see the truth. (even though I really never took myself for someone who could want ANYTHING but the truth!!)

Has anyone been through this? How did you deal with it? He doesn't know that I have all the information I have, and I can easily just break this off while still appearing to be calm and cool about things, but inside i am reeling!! I feel so stupid. How can I stop being angry with myself, and start being angry with the person who hurt me?

I have developed a relationship with a guy who has a girlfriend. They were dating for about three months when I started spending more time with him. He wasn't totally miserable with her, but we would talk for hours and go out from time to time. He confided at that time that he knew he couldn't stay with her because she had emotional and drinking problems. I was in a new relationship too, and wasn't satisfied. When I started to develop feelings for this guy, I ended my other relationship. He said he would be breaking up with his girlfriend, and that he wanted to be with me... at first I declined dates- I didn't think that it was right to see him on the side. But as time has gone on I have let myself spend more time with him, and am smitten. We have amazing chemistry. He said that he was waiting until after the holidays to go through the breakup with his girl, for the sake of his demanding job and her feelings. the holidays are over....nothing. Should I keep waiting? I really like him