Rationality is lost

Is there any thinking happening? Any at all? In bed, doing the deed, there has to be more than a faint flat line electronic buzz echoing off the inside of your skulls. Or maybe not? What ARE you guys thinking?

Women put a lot, A LOT, of thought into their perspective LIFE partners. What's the view like on the flip side? For all you men who plan to find a wife, if you could pick out just the right one, what would be be like?

looks, size, personality, her thoughts towards you, etc

Would any of you level headed, normal men, care to answer a few burning questions?

1) What about a woman is sexy?

2) When you're in love with a woman, what is your goal in being with her? (besides sex, ie, protect her, understand her, etc)

3) Being in love, better yet, being married and in love, what is sex like for you? (the emotional feelings)

4) What are your thoughts on babies and how they involve women? Especially if it was your woman and your baby. Compared to babies in the world around you.

5) Does a woman's ability to grow, birth and sustain/nurture life have any emotional weight for you when you're in love, in bed, or considering women in general.

Thanks guys!

I was injured pretty badly during the delivery of my second baby. I was blamed by my husband for getting pregnant every day to begin with, that I ruined his life. he's a very attentive dad, and he says he regrets saying those things. But any time I think I am pregnant he has to call his parents and "break the news".

Anyway, the anesthesiologist and nurses injured me really bad during delivery- I tried to tell them I didnt want an epidural because I was pushing the baby out- but they kept telling me I wasnt pushing and not to push, and eventually held me down over my belly, all the while I was pushing the baby into the mattress with each contraction, to try to give me one anyway. My nerves were injured in my shoulders and upper back, and also in my upper neck- and I ended up with severe sprains in those areas.

I couldnt sit, stand, walk, lean up, or even hold my baby. It was almost 2 weeks before I could walk. Its been over 6 months and my hands and arms still go numb, and I still see spots if I move wrong.

When my husbands father came to see the baby he wanted to know when my husband would be available to do work with him on their house, my husband insisted as soon as we got home.

I was denied care at the hospital, so I had to check out and go to a different hospitals ER to find out what was causing so much pain for me. Found out what was going on, was literally living on oxycodone 24/7, got home at 9pm- the next day my husband left me to satisfy his dad.

He had his mom come over and help a little, but what I needed was my husband. Its what I wanted anyway, someone to take care of me, not help with the kids. Just care. I just wanted him to care. I guess thats selfish.

8 weeks after the baby was born, I was still recovering, even though I had to get myself up and functional (run the house and the kids and meals and errands by 2 weeks) he insisted it was time for me to do work at the house with him and his dad- with the newborn and the toddler in tow. I just couldnt do it. I tried, but it was chaos.

He didnt think it was that big of a deal, and he didnt think it should hurt me, he didnt even think at all that there was anything wrong with it at the time. But, along with other stuff, now that I brought it up all he can tell me is that its taken me to show him what an awful person he is- that he loves me and always has but that he's such an awful person he ruined me. But he's not really doing anything different, just ignoring me and acting weird.

But thats not normal right? leaving your injured wife becauseyour dad wants you to work on the house? he had two weeks off- we'd been looking forward to it my whole pregnancy, it was like a vacation, time to get to be a family... but he left.

I am trying to get my husband to understand something.

His parents "gave" us a house- they have several run down old homes and they decided to put my husband on the deed to all of them. He says he didnt know anything about that happening, but he's the one who went to the lawyers and signed the papers with them. But he insists he didnt know thats what was happening.

Anyway, they "gave" us this old rental home, used to be his dads childhood home. It was really gross. It sits RIGHT on a busy road (cars doing 60+) the house stank of wet and mold, the kitchens were literally 1" deep in mice poop, mold was growing in the cabinets, and the bathrooms were not working properly and reeked of urine and waste. The walls were not finished, the windows leaked, and one room was over run with ladybugs- so bad the stench of their dead bodies filled the entire house.

When we saw the state it was in I said Icouldnt have a baby in there (I was pregnant) nor raise a toddler in it (our first), so he agreed that as much as he really always dreampt of living in that place and raising a family (which he said he never wanted when we first married) we couldnt live there. We didnt have the money to fix it, it was too close to the road, it is VERY small (he his his head on the lights in the bedrooms). He told me he told his parents no thanks. So I went up the next day as usual, brought it up to make sure they were okay with it (they were being weird) and they BLEW UP at me! So badly I had to leave the house.

They told my husband we had to live there, gave us a bunch of reasons, insisted it was ours, and said they had money set aside to fix it how dare we say its not good enough. They never said anything about the money in the first place .So my husband let me know that we had to move in, he was putting his foot down.

So a renovation started, it was supposed to be me and him doing the work (I was 8 months pregnant) but his dad took over. They always asked me what I wanted, but then yelled at me for my answers. I wanted a new kitchen, i picked out a whole kitchens worth of cabinets for just 1900 dollars- 7000 bucks worth of cabinets. But all along his dad yelled at me for being so demanding, for having standards that are out-of-this-world. They ruined everything they put in (didnt do it right, put on a dormer that I didnt want but didnt cover the framing so the whole house was soaked numerous times in the rain- staining the ceilings, and the wood floors.

SO I decided I shouldnt have anything to do with it, even if I asked to buy myself a light and put it in I got yelled at and treated like a fool, or a *****. I was actually called a ***** and other things. But then I started to get yelled at for not being there.

His parents go to the house and let themselves in and work on stuff without even asking us, without even doing what we planned as a couple, and then blame us for it. His dad wont empty the moth and mouse filled gross contents of the attic- we're not allowed to touch anything in there, its his attic and his stuff dont touch it. He wont clean out certain things from the garage because theyre his and he needs to keep them. Iam not allowed to "ruin" plants by changing anything, because his dad informed me theyre "his plants" or "my mom planted those, dont touch them" I got yelled at for using primer on the walls before painting them. It was a huge issue.

Then his dad decided to use the STAR program to save money on the taxes- but not for us, for him. We're still not living at the house, but his dad made my husband sign the papers for the program. To save himself 400 dollars. My husband is defrauding the state. When I mentioned it to my husband he insisted he didnt know and that his dad wouldnt let the state put him in jail or fine him.

But in order to convince the town to let him sign up for the program, his dad told them we were divorcing and he needed a house to put his son in.

Anything we do with or at the house, even when we move in, has to be okayed by his parents. But when I refuse to agree that its our house he freaks out. I keep telling him its not ours! Iam not on the deed! Its him and his parents! Its THEIR house. I cant do anything there except live there, and only then if its the doing things the way they approve of.

I keep telling him that just because he's on the deed doesnt mean its our house. Am I wrong?

I've been married 7 years, and for 7 years my husband has always told me the same things whenever I point out an inconsistency between what he says and what happen(ed,s). Either he tells me I am jumping to conclusions- that he MEANT something else, or that he just hasnt finished such and such so he is about to do what he said, or the new one "I am not a liar, I am a good person"

I've been finding him in these lies, and finding out that all these other things in our relationship- even back as far as us dating, were nothing but lies.

The big problems right now are lying to his parents about me. I dont know why he does this- but he tells them our personal stuff (IE the things I am bearing my soul to him about, begging him to stop hurting me, pointing out what he did that hurts) but skews the story so make it seem like I am pulling things out of thin air, making things up, or over reacting to innocent incidences that he couldnt help. This results in them attacking me. Coming over, threatening me, threatening to take our kids, calling me awful names, things like that.

Or he'll do things like tell me bold faced that he's just asking something hypothetical about his parents (what if thy came over nicely, what is his mom asked me to do something some time, why his dad refuses to come see his grandkids but instead blames me for keeping them from him because I wont go over there) but then I find out later through them slipping up, him slipping up, or my own parents who have also been attacked and confronted by them that he's not asking hypothetical things- theyre things he's already discussed with them.

He also told me that he cant talk on the cell at work or he'll get in trouble (he's a mail carrier) so if I ever call he has to hang up real quick and cant finish talking to me, he'll talk later. But I started to wonder, so I checked the cell records- he talks to his parents almost every day, twice, for like 15 minutes at a time. Or, he'll call me to ask me something "hypothetical" and hang up and call them and talk twice as long as with me. Without fail.

His parents are incredibly controlling and always have been, of him, of us. He's 34 and never bought a vehicle. NEver bought insurance. He left me when I got pregnant because he was afraid of what they would think (we'd been married almost three years!) recently, his dad had him sign a tax program to save his dad 400 bucks- its a lie- he's using my husband to defraud the state. His dad told the town we're getting a divorce, I found that out just recently too- its all over the town. We were perfectly fine at that point.

What on earth? Why? Why is he doing this to me? I have 7 years of things like this, and they all blame me!

After an overwhelming response to my last question, and learning much, I wanted to ask the general ambiguous public a couple more sex related questions.

1) does your husband blame you for sex. Is that normal? Like, you've just finished and have that wonderufl after sex glow and your husband says to you "its your fault. I didnt WANT to have sex, but you were all like *gestures* so its your fault"

2) does your husband laugh after he finishes. This is two fold because he doesnt let me finish, and I am always turned off because if he doesnt pull the above scenario he laughs.

3) does your husband turn you down for sex. We're 7 years in. Iam 27, he's 33. He almost always tells me he's not interested. But when I am genuinely not interested its all he seems to want.

4) Is it normal for him to "hurt too much" to let you finish after he does? Iam a wet person. Iam not rough. And he always leaves me SO CLOSE to finishing. And walks away with a perfectly good erection.

Just to clarify, I wasnt a hog when we first got married. i was 120lbs, 5'7" and the girl everyone wanted. I didnt know it though, but I've had his friends and people who know him tell me that. I guess it was a major thing- they assumed he must have had money or something to have landed me. I've birthed him two children, nursed them, miscarried two, and was also blamed for the whole getting pregnant thing. He's a great dad, but its "my fault we have kids" Thats a whole different can of worms, though.

I ALWAYS let him finish, partly because I want him to enjoy sex, but also because he gets REALLY mean and pissy towards me afterwards if I dont. Even though its uncomfortable and kinda hurts I STILL roll over and let him finish. But almost always he finishes first and never EVER lets me finish. It is so frustrating. He might "try" for a pump or two, and then just stop. Leaving me high and dry.

Why? Is this normal? I've never had another partner, so for all I know it IS normal.

We're planning on hosting a fresh air child this year, we've always taken in kids, and I've been a nanny/care giver for 16+ years.

However, right now I have a 3 year old and a 7 week old.

We REALLY want to do the fresh air fund this year but I am concerned about HIV/AIDS? Maybe its unfounded, but I am wondering if this organization can send out kids to families who have such serious communicable illnesses without their knowledge. It wouldnt be a big deal if it was just the two of us, but now with our little babies in the house it kinda changes things. I am just not set up mentally or physically to deal with keeping scraped knees and busted lips contained to the child who suffered them. Especially with a toddler who likes to pretend he's a doctor. Its just too exhausting a "what if" situation.

Does anyone know anything about this topic? Our meeting with the representatives is this afternoon, so I will be able to ask them- but I thought I'd try for anyone else who might know first.

I was thinking ditches or gravel filled trenches that ran from the higher area to creek? Maybe some black pipe in gravel?

Anyone know what to do?

It floods after large rains, but otherwise tehre's not really standing water, the ground isnt constantly mushy- but when the creek rises at all the water table pops right up and it gets soggy. We'd like to make it pasture and use some for garden. We're in upstate NY, so we're not talking clay soil. Its just low lying (flat) and against the creek.

http://images.smarter.com/blogs/Book111.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Muns...

Everyone with kids, especially boys owns this book right? If you dont you should buy it. lol.

you cannot read it to your kids, or even to yourself without bawling. best kids book ever.

Doesnt it make you cry?!!

http://images.smarter.com/blogs/Book111.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Muns...

Everyone with kids, especially boys owns this book right? If you dont you should buy it. lol.

you cannot read it to your kids, or even to yourself without bawling. best kids book ever.

Doesnt it make you cry?!!

Not that I'd do it- 24 hours isnt THAT long, but seriously... what do they do if you just go home with your baby? hunt you down? Take you to jail?

Women have babies at home all the time, or in birthing centers, and just go home when its over, or just go on with every day life- does the hospital magically have some sort of legal power just because you delivered there?

hmmm. Iam in NY if it makes any difference.

I am just wondering what others would do- i was reading about a situation like this, wondered what thoughts would be on it. here's just a quick generalization of the unbelievably bizarre situation.

This baby was functional and developing normally, however it was in a vegetative state, requiring full life support to live. The doctors however were completely optimistic (based on brain waves, continued development, and the growing functionality of the internal systems and organs) that with some number of weeks on life support and in its current "comatose" state, it would continue to grow, rally and be perfectly healthy and normal after that time. However it would take a lot of money and time, and effort to reach that point.

The mother wanted to remove it from life support and let nature take its natural course, let the baby die, because it was less work and pain and money, less taxing than spending all those weeks waiting.

Just wondered what you'd do in such a situation...?

Off and on for about 10 days I've been feeling like crap. Achey like I am getting the flu, sore, worn out, without any motivation to do anything. Crampy, BH's here and there, passing bits of plug. About 6 days into this I got a head cold, which is over now. But today I feel SO much worse. UGH!

I've been eating normal, drinking like a fish- just all around my usual routines. Resting, doing nothing, taking it easy- except for errands here and there every couple days and laundry once in a while.

I remember feeling like I was getting the flu for a handful of days before I went into labor with my son, but I dont remember feeling like this, not this intense.

Midwife say's iam fine, all is normal, BP is good, sugar is good, protein is good- its been a totally uneventful normal pregnancy. Iron is good... no major weight gain, sleeping well at night which is great.

But Dear GOD I want to die today. I feel so dull in my head like I am constantly in a fog, I cant think straight, I hate everything and everyone- just the thought of anything or anyone except my son makes my head spin, I ache like I have the flu, my back hurts, nothing feels good. I want to just lay around and cry, but I tried that and it did NOT help.. lol.

uuuuugh, WWWHHHYYYYY do I feel so shitty??!!!

Dont get me wrong, I've skimmed through a few parenting books in my time, no one can know everything. I mean those parents who read extensively every book written by a certain author or group or on a certain parenting subject and then do everything exactly to the letter.

I have a friend like this and it cracks me up. All this vast book knowledge and no common sense to apply it to the situations that come up. Her poor kids. Theyre so shy and insecure and worst of all big into "mine!" and "give me!" and crying if you even LOOK at them...she jusssst cant figure out why.

I just find it funny, in a sad way.

Hi Ya'll.

I am 36 weeks tomorrow. Everything is fine and normal with me, this is my second baby, and the midwives are just fine with the way everything is going. It just seems to be going SO fast this time.

I've been dilating since about 32 weeks, I was 1 CM then, and am now about 3+. The baby is head down, in position and stuck in my pelvis. So much so that just sitting I can feel him bounce inside me as the force pushes him up. I keep getting really strong period cramps off and on for a day or two each week, which explains all the dilating, last I checked I was probably only about 25-50% effaced. Thats been about two weeks ago. And after each spell of the really bad cramps I pass litle tiny bits of my plug. I know I am remaking it because its been weeks of this going on- but its encouraging to know my cervix is changing.

So i know I am making progress, and have been all these weeks... I just wondered if any of you progressed like this only to reach 37+ weeks and have the process stop completely. lol, because THAT would be so unfair.

You cant opt out of it.

There's been links between the vitamin K shot and jaundice and child hood cancers and other issues. The cancers have not been substantiated at this point, but the Jaundice has. My son recieved the shot and had severe jaundice, I am sure this has something to do with it.

We're expecting our second here in a few weeks.

This is insane. There's no NO medical reason to give it when the mother is breast feeding from birth- which I am. There's more than enough in the colostrum to replenish the baby's levels daily and prevent bleeding.

As for the eye drops I am not strep b positive, i have no STDS, I am in perfect health, and those things always cause clogged tear ducts and even sinus infections in newborns. Which requires medication later. There's even links between them and ear infections.

What RIGHT does the government have to demand what medical care my children must have? Especially when each case is so severely different from the next. I breastfeed, I have no sicknesses, infection, antibiotic use, or risk of c-section, according to the laws reasons for being in acted my children are not in the risk groups for these procedures.

i cant believe this hasnt been challenged in court yet!

I am so for home birth, or at least attending midwives in hospital0 which is what I use for my pregnancies...

But I have long studied the state of our pre and postnatal health care in this country... we are ranked the WORST as far as infant mortality and maternal deaths in the entire world, yet 99% of all births are in the hospital with doctors.

the UK, all of europe, Japan, India, 70+% of births are done by midwives, and their death rates are multiple times lower than ours...

Why do women continue to subject themselves to the unnatural births ordained by doctors and most hospitals? Its so unsafe! I dont mean pain meds and things, I mean all the prenatal preventative care, all the procedures during and after birth... Its crazy!