ChimmySHAKE

Hi, i have a few questions regarding this story i wrote...

1) Could it be classed as a recount?

2) What could the title be?

3) Is it any good?

thanks in advance :)

Muffled voices spoke in hushed tones, I knew they were talking about me but I was too sleepy to care. I let the darkness wash over me, beautiful sleep was so close…

“Emily,” a loud voice interrupted, “can you squeeze my fingers?”

“Yes,” I thought, “How hard can it be?” But nothing happened, it was like my hands were not joined to my body. It felt strange; perhaps I should be worried. Surely this wasn’t normal! Feeling the warm arms of unconsciousness wrapping around me the voices disappeared and any worries faded away.

(italics)I spun around at the sound, knocking the blue boxes off the shelf in front of me. It was just kids playing in the next aisle. “Calm down,” I thought to myself, looking down at my trembling hands. I picked up the plastic wrapped boxes one by one. Grabbing a handful, I headed to the closest checkout, pulling my hood over my head.

“Just these,” I said to the bored looking employee.

“$21.50,” she answered, her tone matching her solemn expression.

Pushing the notes into her hand I just wanted to get back to the safety of my car, away from all these people.

“Thanks,” I muttered shoving the three boxes and change into my pockets. Head down, I made my way through the crowded store and slumped into my seat. My hand made its way to the lock, the familiar click slowed my racing heart, I was safe from the prying eyes.

(normal)I was woken by a blinding light, I tried to move away but something was holding me in place. Eyes slowly adjusting to the light I looked around and saw my mother’s face, stained with tears. Then the doctor spoke.

“Look, there’s no easy way to say this, I don’t think there is any chance of a full recovery. Emily has sustained significant damage to her liver and there is also a possibility of brain damage.” I saw my mother collapse to the floor and felt my eyes drooping again. I tried to fight the darkness this time, I wanted to scream out to mum, tell her I was still here but it was too late…

(italics)Everything was ready, I looked around my room, taking in all the small details I would miss, the pillow that nearly caught fire, the patch on the carpet where my brother had spilled the beer we stole. I wiped the tears from my cheek and propped the envelope up on my side table. I tore the shiny wrapping off the first box and the silver contents fell into my hand. I popped out the little white pills one by one and placed them on the table. Wondering how many I would need, I decided not to risk it and put the whole pile in my mouth, gulped down some water and swallowed. I tore open the other packets and downed them too.

Then I waited. Feeling my eyes prickling I looked around my bedroom once more, pictures of smiling faces surrounded the walls, I don’t remember how to feel that happy, it has been months since a smile graced my lips. Trying to fight back the tears that were now flowing down my face, I picked up my photo album I made when I was in year 9. I ran my fingers over the photos of family holidays, sleepovers and sports days, struggling to see them through the tears.

(normal)I woke with a start. Mum, holding my hand in a chair next to my bed, jumped at the sound.

“Em! Oh Emily!” she cried, “You’re awake!”

“Yeah,” I responded, my brain was extremely foggy.

“Ben, call the doctor, Em’s awake,” she shouted. My brother flew into the room faster than humanly possible, lunged at me and pulled me into the tightest bear hug. He knocked one of the wires connecting me to a machine and it started beeping and flashing lights. The doctor and nurse rushed in and exchange a look of surprise, which turned to worry. I was surprised too, and worried. I was here, now, alive and awake. I had failed.

“Helen, may I have a quick word with you outside?” The doctor said to my mother, after a minute of quiet discussion with the nurses. She gave me a kiss on the forehead before she left.

(Italics)My head was spinning, I knew there wasn’t much time. I reached for a fresh sheet of paper and scribbled “Mum, I love you”. It was all I could manage through the waterfall that my face had become. The ink had smudged and the writing was a mess due to the tremors now surging through my hands. I placed the new letter next to the already sealed envelope and laid down on my freshly made bed. This was it! At least it would be dignified, I was in control. I had my favourite dress and heels on, I wanted everyone to remember me like this. I folded my arms over my chest and closed my eyes.

(normal) Mum returned to the room, her brows were knitted with worry, I can tell she was trying to hide it from me, but it was written all over her face. My heart raced, I did not want to hear bad news. I wanted everything to be back to normal, I do not want my family to suffer anymore. I want to live!

Before I coul

In the story i'm writing the main character has taken an overdose of pills with the intention of suicide. what would she be doing to pass the time? i know this sounds like a stupid question but i don't know what to fill in the time with while she is in her room waiting for unconciousness... she's in her bedroom.

Muffled voices spoke in hushed tones, I knew they were talking about me but was too sleepy to care. I let the darkness wash over me, beautiful sleep was so close…

“Emily,” a loud voice interrupted, “can you squeeze my fingers?”

“Yes,” I thought, “How hard can it be?” But nothing happened, it was like my hands were not joined to my body. It felt strange; perhaps I should be worried. Surely this wasn’t normal! Feeling the warm arms of unconsciousness wrapping around me the voices disappeared and any worries faded away.

I spun around at the sound, knocking the blue boxes off the shelf in front of me. It was just kids playing in the next aisle. “Calm down,” I thought to myself, looking down at my trembling hands. I picked up the plastic wrapped boxes one by one. Grabbing a handful, I headed to the closest checkout, pulling my hood over my head.

“Just these,” I said to the bored looking employee.

“$21.50,” she answered, her tone matching her solemn expression.

Pushing the notes into her hand I just wanted to get back to the safety of my car, away from all these people.

“Thanks,” I muttered shoving the three boxes and change into my pockets. Head down, I made my way through the crowded store and slumped into my seat. My hand made its way to the lock, the familiar click slowed my racing heart, I was safe from the prying eyes.

I was woken by a blinding light, I tried to move away but something held me in place. I tried to scream at whoever was leaning over me, but nothing came out. Eyes, slowly adjusting to the light I looked around, my mum, older brother and four others in white uniforms were beside me with expressions of sadness and fear on their faces. I focussed on my beautiful mother’s face, stained with tears. Feeling scared, I wanted to know why she was crying. I looked to my brother for answers but his face was devoid of any emotion, it scared me even more. Then the doctor spoke.

“Look, there’s no easy way to say this, I don’t think there is any chance of a full recovery. Emily has sustained significant brain damage.” I saw my mother collapse to the floor and felt my eyes drooping again. I tried to fight the darkness this time, I wanted to scream out to mum, tell her I’m awake and ease her pain. It was too late…

Everything was ready, I looked around my room, taking in all the small details I would miss, the pillow that nearly caught fire, the patch on the carpet where my brother had spilled the beer we stole. I wiped the tears from my cheek, I propped the envelope up on my freshly made bed. I tore the shiny wrapping off the first box.....................

It was written to be in present tense with flashbacks in past tense, but it seems to read as all in present tense... help? thanks

I'm looking for a good child abuse charity, it doesn't have to be popular, but a well known one would be better. thanks.

For my individual study in drama i am making a short film.

In the end of my film both of the characters meet in heaven. I was thinking beach for the setting of heaven but does anyone have any ideas for the setting?

Also i need the guy character to commit suicide and I can't decide on which way to do it, it has to be easily filmable and not too graphic as it's for a school project. the choices are:

jumping off a bridge/building

overdosing

drowning himself

if you have any other ideas please let me know. thanks :)

I'm thinking of either going with journalism or the ambulance service

i dont know if it's actually possible to do high school work experience with an ambulance, or if that would be illegal or something

any other ideas would be considered too, my heart isnt set on anything really...

thanks :)

I already have iTunes on my computer but i bought a new ipod and it says i need version 8.0.1 or higher.

so i'm downloading and i keeps doing this, i tried restarting and dowloading it again but the same thing happened.

my internet says i have used up the right amount of download i would need to have the entire program but its nowhere to be found on my computer! i dont want to download AGAIN cos it'll use up all my net download :(

is there anyway you can start the download again from the same place?

what can i do?

thanx

major probolem!

tomorrow I have a question sheet due on the movie Crocodile Dundee and I missed half of the middle...

can anyone please tell me...

1. how aboriginal culture is portrayed in the film?

2. is the representation of the indigenous australians accurate?

3. and also alittle bit about the character of Neville

Due to the devastating death of Mark Preistly (Dan Goldman on Australian Medical drama - All Saints)

He has just recently gotten married to his on-screen partner and I'm just wondering what a show like that would do to end all the loose ends...

sorry to be a bit depressing...

R.I.P. Mark 27.08.08 (F)

A couple of months ago i was running barefoot and I stepped on a rock, it hurt like hell when I did it and I couldn't put pressure on it for nearly a week.

It got better, but the yesterday it came back, in exactly the same spot and I cant put pressure on it again... it really hurts!

Could I have fractured it? and is there anything I can do to make it easier to walk?

I also dance, and when we warm up I wear only socks, could this have brought it back the second time?

Thanx :)

Ok this sounds pretty lame but...

my mum is so controlling when it comes to TV!

She wont let me watch Neighbours, Home and Away, Big Brother or anything good like that!

though the weird thing is she lets me watch House and M rated things... what the?

im hoping to become an actress so i want to watch as many of those long running show as i can...

does anyone have an idea of how i can get her to let me watch these shows???

thanx :)

My mum will be home in an hour and I had planned to make her a cake as a present...

ive wrecked the cake and now i dont have a present!!!

i need urgent help please! i dont have a car and i need a present quick!

any help would be great thanx!

I know it costs to change it to something random, and when you get married...

and i know it costs $100 each letter of your first name... but if its your mums name does that count?

yes me again with the indo cooking lol!

could anyone please tell me what types of methods and what they use to cook things in...

like a wok and so on

also whats with those big leaves???

thanx

could anyone plz tell me...

what are the meal patterns in indonesia

and what are the main cooking methods?

thanx

I'm thinking of getting it done... but i dont know!

I'd love to hear from anyone who has had theirs done!

which is better? ring or bar?

it was on a while ago...

My last camera just broke. I'm looking for a small but good camera to replace it between $100 - $400 absolute max.

I've seen a pink one for $180 but i don't remember where?

thanx :)