Life

Monday:

Wife:-Tell me,the shelves in the closet are broken.Can you repair them?

Husband:-Help yourself..I'm not a carpenter!

Tuesday:

Wife:-Look,the water is dripping like mad under the sink.Can you make it stop?

Husband:-Oh,are you crazy?I'm not a plumber!

Wednesday:

Wife:-This lamp is broken.Can you fix it?

Husband:-Absolutely not! I'm not an electrician!

Thursday:

Wife:-Darling,everything have been fixed!The closet,sink,lamp...by our neighbor,the young Peter.A real do-it-yourself man,and a funny guy too.Imagine,he demanded that I either went to bed with him or baked him a cake!

Husband:-Okay and what kind of cake did you bake?

Wife:-Bake?Are you kidding?I'm not a baker! :P.......

"Girls are crazy if you make them angry" ;).................

Whether you heard this before or not,a little smile is good for your health friends :).......

"If you marry 1 woman she'll fight with you.....But....but if you marry 2 women they'll fight for you...Think different........Add WIFE and have LIFE" ;)..................

A teenage girl was chatting on FB with a stranger...

Stranger:-Hey pretty,could you give me your mail ID???....

Girl:-Oh yes sure :)....its, ihaveaboyfriend_andilovehimalot

@getlost.com

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Stranger:-and mine is , iamyourfather_andyouaredead

@meetmenow.com :P.............

Love + Care = Mom

Love + Fear = Dad

Love + Help = Sister

Love + Fight = Brother

Love + Care + Fear + Help + Fight + LIFE = Friend

My dear friend, that 2nd one is missing in our case...okay??? :).......

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed...

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train.. yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty but I had a long meeting... no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life ... yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc...

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice: "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"...

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer :P......

Dear,this computer is not working as per my command.....

Darling,its a computer not a husband...!! :P...........

"Prohibition of discrimination on grounds of gender"........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwXVwdtAV-c&feature...

What's your say after watching the above video???.................

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

An angry Teacher: Where the in hell do you get seven from ?

Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a cat at home!!! :P...........

BILL GATES in a restaurant.....

After eating, he gave 5$ to the waiter as a tip. The waiter had a strange feeling on his face after the tip.

Gates realized & asked.What happened?

Waiter: I'm just amazed Bcoz on the same table ur son gave Tip Of... 500$...& u his Father, richest man in the world Only Gave 5$...?

Gates Smiled & Replied With Meaningful words:

"He is Son of the world's richest man, but i am the son of a wood cutter..." :).........

A woman from south India went for a job interview for the post of a secretary. The manager saw the woman`s colourful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled uncombed hair and his mind was screaming ``NOT THIS WOMAN!!!``

Nevertheless, he had to interview her. So he told her, ``If you can make a sentence using all the words I say, then you may have a chance. The words are: GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK.``

The enthusiastic lady, sat staring at the ceiling licking her lips thinking for a while. She then let out a dorky laugh and said ``I hear the phone ringing, GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.... BLUE`S that?? Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyo..... Wrong number!! Please don`t simply PURPLE disturb and don`t call me BLACK next time wokay!!!``

The Manager Fainted...;)

Judge:why did u shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?

Sardar:-Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week :P.......

Man:- What has 42 teeth and can hold the incredible Hulk??

Woman:-What???

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Man:- My zipper :P..............

Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN! :P...............

"It's easy to stand with a crowd but it takes courage to stand alone"..............

Traffic Police:- "Ma'am you were faster than the speed limit"

Woman:- "Please let me go,I'm a teacher"

Police:- "A teacher?I have been waiting for this day for so long"

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Police:- "Now, write 'I will not overspeed' 1000 times" :P.........

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "Careful! Put in some more oil! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them!

Turn them now! You need more oil. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more oil?

The eggs are going to stick! Careful, careful! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. Use the Salt! The Salt!"

The wife stared at him angrily, "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you how it feels like when I'm DRIVING and you do the same! ! !" :P........

Old is always gold if you feel like that :)...............

Husband is not an ATM machine :P..................

Man to a super cute air hostess: What’s your name?

Air Hostess: Eva Benz

Man: Lovely name. Any relationship with Mercedes Benz?

Air Hostess: Our maintenance cost is the same! :P.......

"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness.".....

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR ;)

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) ..... :P