Southern Bride

So my venue is about 20 minutes from my house. (Probably about a 45 minute drive for most of my family) All of my fiance's family will be flying in from AZ, AR, CA, NY, and Ireland.

I just found out today from my venue that there is going to be a MAJOR road project that won't be finished for at least 5 years! 5 years!!!!! ( I would type that in font 50 if I could)

So directions as of right now are going to be pointless. There will be detours, new roads, new bypasses, new short cuts, ect. And I know my GPS has a fit anytime something changes around here. (I live in a major city)

So, I was thinking of maybe providing shuttle service. I am hoping everyone stays in the same hotel. How would I word the invites if I am going to rent a shuttle service all day to leave the hotel to the ceremony site at a certain time. Maybe people will show up and follow the shuttle too if it's full, or should it make multiple trips?

okay, so I have taken a whole different direction with our wedding and it's going to save us thousands.

We will be having our ceremony at Hartwood Park(http://www.alleghenycounty.us/parks/fees/hartwood....

Since it's a public park, it closes at 6pm. This might not be okay for some brides, but this is fine to me. We are planning a 1pm ceremony with the reception/cocktail hour starting right after the ceremony.

Mr. Southern and I plan on doing the "First Look" photos, and get all of our photos out of the way before the ceremony and then do the bridal party/family photos after the ceremony.

That way we can get to the reception around 2pm instead of later because of doing all of our photos at once.

Then instead of dinner, we will be serving heavy h'dourves. My sisters server friends agreed to take the afternoon off (or work the late dinner shift) to butler our food. We will pay them of course.

I haven't decided what kind of food to have. I know I would like

-stuff mushrooms (with crabmeat or spinich. My fiance hates seafood)

-shrimp cocktail

-cheese and crackers

-veggie and dip trays

-hummus

-bruschetta with different toppings

-salad

(And I'm stuck on other stuff)

We are also serving our own alcohol. We are offering wine and beer and debating on a signature drink. (My sister and her friends are bartenders/servers) but I know not too many people are going to be drinking at 2pm.

Instead of a DJ, we are going to have an ipod playing Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin,Fred Astaire, Ella Fitzgerald, ect (our first dance will be "Cheek to Cheek" ) during the reception.

My question: Is this okay for an afternoon reception? I know we don't have to serve dinner if it doesn't fall during a dinner time. What other foods can I serve? Or would I be "robbing" (in the words of one of my bridesmaids) my guests of a good time. She feels like weddings=dinner reception/open bar.

*We are having an after party for all of my younger friends. We aren't going to want to rush back up to the hotel room because a lot of his family will be here from out of the country and are young and Irish and will want to party. So we are going to hit the town after the reception*

I probably should as the wedding coordinator at the venue this first, but I wanted to know if I will need to hire a day of planner?

Who sets up the centerpieces and ceremony things? Will I need to get to the venue early to do this myself? I am doing a lot of things DIY. I am growing and ordering my own flowers from a wholesaler, so I will be doing all the bouquets and centerpieces. The only vendor that will be on site is probably the party rental place with the table and chairs. I believe they are only there to set up the tables and the tent. I just start thinking about this last night while looking at floral supplies.

My fiance's grandmother and aunt recently deleted me from their Facebook accounts. No big deal. I'm not hurt about it. The thing is, some people take Facebook way too seriously. I have friends from every walk of life. I have extreme conservative and extreme liberal friends. I have friends in the middle and friends who could care less about political or religious topics.

So I posted a status about how sad it was to see all the hatred towards muslims on 9-11 and that I, as a Buddhist, would be meditating extra long that day and ringing the bell for the dead a little longer as I wanted to pray for everyone who died on 9/11 and since. So I go away and you know, live life. I come back 8 hours later and my extreme liberal friend and my fiance's extreme conservative aunt are going back and forth. I mean there were like 120 comments on the status.

So I CALLED her on the phone and left a message saying to not mind my other friend. He can be a bit crazy sometimes and she shouldn't take it personally. She didn't call back. So a couple of days later I went to her FB to send her a message and she had removed me. I also noticed his grandmother did the same thing.

Whatever, no big deal. I can't let internet debates define my relationships.

Well my fiance overheard me tell my girlfriend about it and now he is super upset. I don't see what the big deal is. If they want to remove me because I was gone and off the computer for 8 hours while her and my friend went at it then that's really not my problem. I'm not there to police my FB page. We are all adults. But my fiance feels like he should say something to them about it.

Am I wrong for really not giving a hoot about them removing me from their friends list?

I have been doing an experiment over the last two weeks. I have been calling around to different venues and services to see what prices are like when I mention the word "wedding." Maybe this will help some brides with money.

So we are most likely having an afternoon ceremony/reception at a local park. We have to end it by 6pm. So our plan is to have an after party with all of our friends and we would get a limo bus/or stretch limo.

Example 1-Called the limo place for a quote. The next words out of his mouth were "For what type of event and how many?" I say probably about 15-20 for an after wedding reception after party. Like going to the bar and club, ect. He quoted me $1399 for a 5 hour min.

A few hours later I call back and ask the same guy the same question but with "It's for a friends birthday. We just want to go to a couple of bars."

He quotes me $750 for a 5 hour min.

I then said, why is there a $650 difference between a birthday party and a wedding? He says there was no difference but I called him on his earlier quote. He then says that it's because the "Wedding package" includes 1 bottle of Pink Champagne and a "Red Carpet Rollout" for pictures!

ha ha ha ha. So I told him that this was for an after party AFTER the wedding is over and I didn't want to red carpet or pink champagne. Then would the price be $750? He said no because the event was a wedding. WOW!

Example 2-I called a party rental place about tables and chairs. Chiavari Ballroom Chairs are the popular chair everyone is using so I asked about those. Quoted for a wedding? $9.50 per chair. A few days later I called and asked how much those type of chairs would be for a backyard dinner party. She quoted me $3.50 for the same chairs! I was either going to spend $350 on chair rentals for a backyard dinner party or $950 on the same chairs for an outdoor wedding. (est. based on 100 for the guest list) She honestly sounded like she felt bad for the price difference and told me that if I went with the company I could have the chairs at the $3.50 rental fee.

SMH

I don't want this to get too long, but why is it that places just jack up the cost of anything once they hear the word wedding?

A florist quoted me $5 a stem for gerbera daisies for a wedding. When I called back to ask the per stem for a birthday party? $3 a stem. Still a little much but I found them online for $1.99 a stem. I planned on ordering my own flowers and doing them, but I wanted to see if florist mark up their prices too once they hear wedding.

How many of you here have done some digging and really got a venue to come down in price?

I found the perfect ceremony and reception venue. It's a local park that has a mansion on grounds. I was quoted a price I could not believe. In fact I had to ask her if she was sure. It's so inexpensive to rent the grounds of a park! It's right by the lake and the gazebo is breathtaking. Not only is the price perfect, but with an afternoon reception, I do not have to do dinner. I can serve heavy h'ordeuvres. The only thing that I'm not happy about is the time restriction. Everything has to be over by 6 and everything needs cleaned up by 7 since it's a public park.

I know my older family would not mind a reception ending at 5, but my younger friends will want to dance until midnight.

So I was thinking that after the reception, I can take my bridal party and whoever else wants to come to a club and we could supply drink chips. I'm not traditional, but I do want a night party to hang out with my friends. What do you think?

I feel like I just took the blue pill (or was it the red pill) and I now see a whole new truth about weddings and the "wedding machine" While answering questions yesterday morning I came across a person who asked how they could plan a wedding under $1000. I laughed, and so did others, at the idea of planning a wedding under such a strict and tiny budget. There would be no way in hell that anyone could plan a wedding under $1000. Then someone answered that may have changed my whole idea of what I think I NEEDED to pull off a wedding. She shared a link.

http://2000dollarwedding.com/2008/07/from-concepti...

I was blown away! Her wedding felt so real. It wasn't about napkin colors, personalized cake cutters, the finest china, useless favors, huge centerpieces, ect.

Every bridal magazine makes you feel like you are missing out on something when there are articles that basically say, "If you want to be cheap and tacky, have a buffet instead of a sit down!" and you end up stressing over what your guests think of everything you put together. Is Aunt Norma going to be offended if we offer a buffet instead of a $150 plate meal? Are people going to think we are cheap because we don't have the most expensive wines and liquors?

TV shows like "Four Weddings" make weddings under $10,000 look so cookie cutter. And the $30K wedding is so lavish and fun. (And usually the one that wins)

I need to ask a question. ^_^

I'm thinking about growing our own gerbera daisies for the wedding. Do you think that's crazy? And how many should I grow? When should I plant the first batch?

Also I never wanted the whole big white princess gown. I'm thinking of following my hearts desire for 1950's white satin dress. http://www.vivienofholloway.com/en/category/50s%20...

Maybe with a red pettiecoat and red flat ballerina slippers.

*I'm not worried about the fit. We do pin up shots for hobbies and I almost own all the dresses on that website. So I know I will look great in the full circle skirt.*

And how would you feel about writing your own ceremony from scratch? We aren't religious so we don't need the "under God" stuff.

I realize now that the most important thing I want is for this day to feel like us. I don't want to just be "another Saturday night wedding at the hotel ballroom" I no longer want to spend $$$$ on a wedding gown. I don't care about what kind of font goes on napkins.

I have seen answers suggesting that when you are invited to a wedding, you should at least find out what it cost per plate and gift the couple the same amount or more.

WHAT!?

Am I the only one just....I can't even find the words.

Cheese and crackers.

Question in two parts: Brides-Do you expect your guests to gift you with cash that cover the cost of the meals?

Guests- Do you feel like you have to give a large amount to cover the cost of the meal/wedding?

Over the weekend we went out and decided to go to IHOP at 1am. While we were there, we seen a bride and groom and their entire wedding party just eating and having a good time in their full wedding attire. Call me cheesy, but I thought it was so...whimsical. All the guests were looking at them with smiles on their faces and the party was taking pictures and just having fun. They weren't being annoying or anything, but I thought how awesome it was to just be out after your reception having coffee and pancakes with your friends. It's almost like they didn't want the night to ever end.

So what did you do or planning to do after your reception?

I love ball gowns. I have an appointment at the only shop in the US that sells Hollywood Dreams. At least that's what it says on the website.

http://www.hollywooddreams.co.uk/data/images/capri...

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I don't want favors. I think about all the weddings I have been to and all the favors I have thrown away. I don't want to spend money on items I will throw away.

Last night while going through Brides© I came across a St. Judes ad. It said instead of wedding favors, you could make a donation and they would send you these bookmarks or scrolls explaining that instead of favors there was a donation made to treating children with cancer.

Would you think it was weird if you went to a wedding with no favors?

My father passed away when I was 19 and it's been hard starting to plan this wedding knowing I will not get walked down the aisle by him or get to dance with him.

I was thinking that maybe at the reception I could say some nice words about my father and then invite all my guests to dance?

I went to a wedding where the bride asked all her female guests to come up and dance with their fathers or the closest men to them in their lives right now because her father had passed away just months before.

What is a good suggestion?

I was reading on The Knot website about outdated wedding rules. How do you feel about them?

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planni...

Old School Rule #1: The bride's parents pay for the wedding.

New Rule: Every couple funds the festivities in different ways. Maybe your mom and dad want to pay for every single thing, but, unlike in the past where the bride's family was expected to foot the whole bill, they're in no way obligated to now. Grooms' parents and the couples themselves chip in nearly as often as brides' parents do. It just depends on your family's situation. If you'd like your fiancé's parents' help, your husband-to-be will need to ask for it -- not you, and certainly not your parents. Just remember: Whoever pays gets a say. If you know your mother-in-law will insist on an in-church ceremony if she contributes and you've got your heart set on exchanging vows on a sandy beach, you may be happier cutting your guest list than asking her to contribute anything.

Old School Rule #2: You must invite everyone with a guest.

New Rule: If they'll know others, skip the plus-one. It's still polite (and very appreciated!) to invite guests' significant others, but if you're inviting a group of coworkers, for instance, and two or more of them are single, they should have no problem attending solo. Only when guests won't know anyone aside from the couple is it mandatory to let them bring a date. It's kind to invite attendants with guests too (they are shelling out big bucks for their attire!).

Old School Rule #3: Your registry should consist entirely of housewares for your new home.

New Rule: You can register for anything from honeymoon hotel accommodations to skiing equipment. Guess what, Grandma? Lots of couples live together before they get married and may have all of the towels and blenders they'll ever want. You can request upgraded versions of home items you already own, but nothing should stop you from creating a honeymoon or otherwise "untraditional" registry. These are your gifts, and you need to be happy with them! If you're inviting a few Internet-less guests, including items from a brick-and-mortar store they can actually get to will help prevent a buildup of unwanted presents. But you should feel free to include a ping-pong table for your basement or the complete Sex and the City DVD collection on your wish list if you can't use yet another kitchen appliance. A word of caution: Some of the older folks think that they know what brides and grooms really need, so they may get you an iron even if you haven't requested one.

Old School Rule #4: You must wear a long, white gown.

New Rule: Wear whatever you want! Sure, most brides go the long white or ivory route, but for your wedding day attire, anything goes: from a retro short dress to a silver, slinky sheath to a (gasp!) black pantsuit. As long as you feel fabulous in your outfit, it can be any color or style. You can even skip the veil! Warning: Your fashion choices may wind up shocking your older guests, especially the ones who equate wearing white with "purity." If you'd prefer that your look pleases the crowd but aren't willing to go totally traditional, try working in a hint of color via a dress sash, your shoes, jewelry or a hair accessory or opting for a tea-length dress.

Old School Rule #5: Your mom can't throw your shower.

New Rule: Anyone can throw your shower! People used to think it was rude for the bride's mother to host a party where the sole purpose was for her daughter to get gifts. Other close family members, like sisters, were similarly forbidden from hosting. We didn't get this then, and we don't get it now, and luckily, today's mothers of the bride are ignoring the passé etiquette. In some cultures and regions of the US, like Italians in the Northeast, the mother always hosted her daughter's shower. So encourage your mom to throw yours if you think that she wants to! Your bridesmaids may be itching to throw a shower for you too, so make sure that they coordinate with your mom before they make any definite plans.

**You can see the rest on the website.**

I fell in love with a designer. I am determined that one of the designs will look fantastic on me.

http://www.hollywooddreams.co.uk/

There is only one store in the US that is authorized to see the dresses. It's only about 6 hours away from me. It's not that bad.

My mother said maybe I could go down to try some gowns on and then see if I can find the styles cheaper online.

1. I don't want to waste the consultants time.

2. I am super nervous about buying online because of all the horror stories.

But I know that it's becoming popular for brides to buy their dresses online. I want to know if you did, what site did you buy from and what your experience was. Thanks!

My friend just updated her Facebook basically telling everyone to not forget to RSVP by Friday and that if she gets a lot of "regrets" she told people to expect last minute invites.

Now, if it were me I would not announce that on Facebook. I would probably see how many yes RSVP's I got back and if I didn't get enough maybe call some people and pretend like their invite was lost in the mail or something. I would never reveal I had a B-list. I would probably not even have a B-list. Would you?

My fiance and I were talking about our reception today at lunch and I said, "I hope your mother doesn't show up in what she wore to your brothers wedding." He didn't know what I was talking about.

*QUICK HISTORY!!! My fiance only talks to his mother three times a year. On Mother's Day, Birthday, and Christmas. He still wants to invite her because she is his mother after all and that's his choice. His little brother got married in vegas and we have only seen pictures.*

So he asked what she wore and I told him this very inappropriate prom gown looking dress that was hot pink and cut out on the sides. (his mother is very thin, but come on! Cut out sides at age 50?)

He looked at a photo on his sisters Facebook account and just shook his head. He said that wouldn't happen at our wedding.

This lead us to start talking about other things about his mother and his step father from seating arrangments to keep them far away from his dad and step mother to the standard dances, and finally to the alcohol.

I mentioned I refused to dance with his step father. (He called me a little n*gger girl several times early in our relationship) and if he had to be there he could read a poem or something. My fiance said it wasn't a good idea because when he drinks he starts crying and falling all over the place.

Ugh. That's right. His step father is an alcoholic and his mother cannot handle her liquor either. We bounced some ideas around from asking the bartender to water down their drinks to not letting them be served at all.

My thing is, I don't want there to be a scene if they go up to the bar and get turned away. Do you think it's unreasonable to ask them to make the choice to NOT drink at the reception?

Sorry so long but I wanted to give you a background on why this could be a problem.

I have been looking at Moissanite as a stone. (I have been hinting it to my boyfriend because he asked.)

http://www.moissaniteco.com/

I am not knocking anyone who has a diamond, but I feel like diamonds are overpriced and not even worth it. A store can say "conflict free" but diamonds pass through so many hands, it's hard to tell where they are from. Diamonds are not rare and not an investment. I'm not trying to pass it off as a diamond. One sales rep told me thatan engagement ring serves two purposes.

1. To remind you how much your man loves you every time you look down at it.

2. To look pretty.

So who has a non diamond engagement ring?

Most of all, who has had a Moissanite stone? I seen some in person at Helzberg, but they were the huge vintage inspired ones and they just looked gaudy. The one that was small was very pretty, but was a cut I didn't like. They do have more fire than diamonds. Thanks!

Please read the question before you answer. Thanks!

I have a three year old girl from a previous relationship. Now I am planning a wedding to be married to the man I should have always been with. He is not her father. His sister mentioned throwing a baby shower when we get pregnant. (We will be trying next year) and I told her I already had a shower for my daughter and cannot have another. She said that was stupid and it's not like I'm having another kid by the same man. She said I shouldn't take away the chance for his family to celebrate because I've already done it.

In this case, is it okay to have a baby shower when your second child is from a different man and his family wants it?

Well, I have found myself in this possible situation. Our wedding was planned for next fall, but my fiance lost his job with the corporate place. (He's a graphic designer. He does a lot of freelance and had this job just for the insurance) He's been there five years.

Anyway, he is going to lose his insurance at the end of this month. It's damn near impossible to get good insurance under a single plan. Most of the insurance companies only do commercial insurance. He's looked into single plans and they are restrictive and very expensive.

I work for an insurance company and told him that he just needs to find another job that offers insurance from day 1 within the next 63 days.

HIPPA law says that if he has less than a 63 day gap in coverage the insurance has to waive pre-x conditions.

That's the issue. He has a condition that's being treated. If he can't find a job within 63 days then he is screwed. So he mentioned that we should go to the court house to get married on paper so he can be on my plan. Then we can have the ceremony next year.

I am so torn. I don't want to be like those people who rush to the court house and then regret it. Then they have a big re-do later. I don't want him without insurance either.

My friends are all saying no. They want me to have the showers, the parties, the actual wedding.

I love him. I do want to spend my life with him. I'm just wondering if I will develop resentment towards him. I've been dreaming of my wedding day since I was 10. I feel like if we do it at the court house then the ceremony will just be a show...oh I don't know what to do!

What would you do?

And if so, did your views of what you wanted your wedding to be like change?

Last year I was engaged to a neurosurgeon. We were spending a gross amount of money on the wedding. I was not comfortable with it, but all my friends told me that I was going to have the wedding of my dreams. Huge Roman Catholic Church, large bridal party, crazy big guest list, elegant sit down dinner, open bar, a live band and a DJ, ect. None of that stuff mattered to me. He even admitted that he was just trying to out do a coworkers wedding we went to months before. I just wanted to marry him. Sadly, well not sadly because I got out, I ended that engagement. I was sick of being a piece of property to him to show off to his friends. Every time someone asked to see my ring, he would grab my hand before I had a chance to even respond and shove it in their faces. He would spit off the specs of the ring and how much it cost. I hated it because I was brought up knowing that telling someone the cost of something like that is bad etiquette.

Now I met my prince charming and my whole idea has changed. I am happy to get married under a tree at sunset. He said while that's a lovely idea, he took it one step forward and we are going to look at vineyards in the area.

My friends comment on how drastic a change this is. Has anyone else completely change what they wanted or found important the second time around?