Ryan M

Some gay folks just moved in across the street and they've been a nuisance ever since. Every night, they blare Diana Ross songs and create a major disturbance for everyone else. Just recently, my normal neighbor's car was recently broken into and he found a rainbow thong on the dash. We've called the cops on them numerous times, but they seem to enjoy being in jail for some reason.

We have a neighborhood watch meeting in a few hours and would like to brainstorm ideas on how to get rid of them. Any suggestions?

One of my homosexual classmates is throwing a birthday party next month. He’s asking us what we think would be the best type of venue to have a party. I have some ideas, but what do you guys think?

Ever since my friend went to that Lady Gaga concert and started sucking at sports, I knew something was wrong. My friends and I went through his stuff and we were shocked to find out that he has a membership discount to Victoria’s Secret and a “Barebacking for Dummies” book. Now he’s been using words like “super” and “fabulous” pretty frequently. We think if he goes to the pride parade his condition will get worse. How can we help him before it’s too late?