Tricia

I am not a bride, I've been married for about a hundred years. But we are traveling in the South, and I read in a brides' magazine that one way to help with a reception is to ask someone who wants to throw you a shower to throw a drinks shower. The hostess sends out invitations asking guests to bring liquor and mixes to be served to the guests at the reception. I have mixed feelings. I really don't think it's okay to ask the guests to provide the drinks for the wedding reception, but it's a shower. The shower guests are going to be bringing gifts.

My husband and I are of an age where we have many young adult nieces and nephews, and many friends who have children who are young adults, not to mention our children's young adult friends. So we get a lot of invitations to weddings and bridal showers, as well as graduation parties, and baby showers.

My first question is: why do so many people register for ridiculously expensive items? I have gone to a wedding registry where the only thing under $200 was a $198 pepper mill. That bride did have a wealthy father, but she certainly must have been aware that not everyone she invited to her wedding was wealthy. The last two baby registries of which we were notified were similar - many, many items over $200, such as very high-end strollers, cribs, baby swings, etc. We know all of the grandparents of both babies, and these people are very middle-class. Why should these young parents be suggesting to everyone who receives an invitation to these showers that very expensive gifts are expected? It's insulting. And honeymoon registries have to be the greatest indication that brides and grooms who choose them feel entitled. Really, you're going to Paris and you're suggesting that I should pay for a gourmet meal for you while you're there?

My second question is why do so many young people feel no inclination to acknowledge gifts? I'm not a Victorian. I don't feel that you need to get out a fountain pen and write me a letter on stationary engraved with your initials. But really, I have taken my time, effort, and money, and bought and sent you a gift to show my regard for you on your special occasion, and you can't pick up a phone or write me an email to say thank you? I have adopted this method. If I have sent you a gift, and you have not acknowledged it, I will not be sending you another gift. How do I keep track? Well, if a gift is acknowledged, I am so shocked that that fact remains embedded in my brain.