wat'd U call me

A young boy's at his granparents house goes out on the porch,

" hey granpa what's that? "

" why that is a beer. "

" can I have some? "

" can your pee pee touch your butt? "

" no! "

" then you're too young. " the kid goes inside comes out little while later.

" hey granpa whats that? "

" its a cigar. "

" can I have one? "

" can your pee pee touch your butt? "

" no! "

" then you're too young, so no. " the kid goes inside and comes out with a plate of cookies.

granpa asks " can I have one of those cookies? "

Kid says " can your pee pee touch your butt? "

Granpa laughs " yes it can! "

" then go eff yourself! grandma made these for me! "

I need to talk to nefew about becoming a teenager. some words about respect would be helpful.

to excercise the demons from it!

so a native has lived his whole life on a reservation. having never left the rez he decides it's time to check out a city.

he gets a ride to the nearest highway and gets on a greyhound.

now he's in the city, he has no sooner got off the bus and walked one block when a woman asks him if he'd like to have a ' hand job '.

he's really suprised, quickly says no and moves on.

the next block a woman asks him if he'd like a ' bl*w job '?

again the native says no and decides he doesn't like the city, he quickly gets back to the bus station and gets himself home.

once there the people ask him why he came back so fast.

the native man replies.

I was only there for 5 minutes. and i was offered two jobs!

so a bear and and a bunny are leaving a cr@p by a tree,

the bear asks the bunny if he has a problem with poo sticking to his fur?

the bunny all huffy replies ' i certainly do not! '

so the bear wipes his bum with the bunny! ha ha

a islamic women passes away and finds herself in front of god.

there is hundreds of chairs lined up to his left and right, god sits in a big throne.

He asks what she has done with her life.

she answers, " i've went to the temple every day, prayed and lived my life only trying to do good.

the lord nods his head " very well, you can sit with me. "

a irish women finds herself sitting in front of god in his great throne and chairs lined up on either side,

" what had you done with the life i'd given you " he asks.

she answers " i've been to church every sunday, given to charities and have always tried to do the right thing. "

the lord nods his head, " you may sit with me. "

a native women finds herself standing in front of god.

" what have you... " she puts her hand up and stops him mid sentence,

she looks down the line of chairs to the left and then the ones to the right then she looks at god and says " You're sitting in my seat ! "

sir our checkups are easier, you just pee into this cup we pour it into this big computer and it tells us exactly whats wrong with you.

the man pee's and the doc pours and the computer blips and beeps then kaching a piece of paper comes out,

it says you have tennis elbow.

no way doc i don't have tennis elbow.

well come back tommorow and see if you get a different result.

the man agrees.

that night the man decides to mess with the doc, he asks his wife and daghter to pee in cups, he takes some oil from the dipstick in his car and he m^sterb*tes and mixes it all togther.

this is what the doc gets when the man comes to see him the next day. he pours it into the computer. blip and beeps then kaching the doc takes the piece of paper.

the computer says u'r wife is pregnant with the mailmans child, your daughter is a sl^t, your car needs an oil change... and if you don't stop j*rking off you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!

why did the women have 2 black eyes ?... she didn't listen the first time ! oooooooh ! kidders !

an old man is sitting on his front porch and a little boy is walking by with some chicken wire.

hey there young fella where you goin with that there chicken wire?

gonna go catch me a chicken. the kid walks on.

the old man thinks " silly kid, can't catch no chickens with chicken wire. but a few hours later the kid walks by carrying a chicken.

next day, the old man see the kid walking by tossing a roll of duct tape in the air,

say young feller where ya goin with that duct tape?

gonna catch me some ducks.

the old man thinks stupid kid, can't catch no ducks with duct tape. sure enough a little later the kid walks by with a couple of ducks.

The next day, the old man gets up from his rocking chair on the porch and excitedly asks " say son is that p^ssy willow you got there? hold on a second i'm coming with you!