Tinkerbell

I've been married 5 years but my husband just doesn't seem interested in our love life any more. This has been slowly going downhill over the past year. I know he's not having an affair or anything like that, I know he's stressed about his work and I've tried to support him and I've also tried to bring a spark back by dressing up for him etc. This worked for a couple of times,but then I didn't bother as I felt it was me making the moves all the time and there was no romance, which doesnt make a woman feel good. I've tried booking a hotel room away (he was too tired), but he's been for a check up, there's nothing wrong. I've spoken to him and told him that I'm not happy and asked him if he's still interested. He says he is, but nothing happens, and he doesnt even seem interested in touching me. Our lovemaking is now down to once or twice a month (if I'm lucky) and then it's over quickly - I'm just feeling so frustrated and I really don't know what more I can say or do. Any ideas please, I'm afraid our relationship will start to suffer because of this.

I've been married 8 years - over the past year my husband seems to have lost interest in me (despite me dressing up for him, cooking for him, making an effort etc - I havent changed in looks or feelings for him) and this is making me feel really low. I've tried to keep him interested in the bedroom, but he laughs and says hes tired - I feel rejected. When I tell him that I'm unsatisfied and feel rejected, he tells me to go to sleep. He used to do little things for me and bring me flowers - now there's nothing, despite me telling him that these little gestures of love make me feel good. It seems he doesnt want to make the effort to make me happy. I have tried talking to him,but he gets defensive and wont communicate. What else can I do? (sensible answers only please!)

My husband of 8 years is less and less attentive and our sex life is dwindling. I've tried everything - slinky outfits, cooking dinner, talking to him about how I feel and how frustrated I am with a lack of intimacy and affection, apart from a peck at bedtime and when we go to work in the morning. He tells me to be patient. I've tried to be spontaneous, such as jump into the shower with him, but he tells me he's finished showering and leaves. I tell him to come swimming with me, but he says he's tired. In the evenings just stays in front of the television. I threw out my sexy bits and pieces because he's just ignoring me. He says he loves me. I know he's busy with his work, but surely he needs to make time for US? I just dont know what to do with him any more and I'm getting unhappier each week passes with no intimate moments. Any advice? (sensible stuff only please!)

My husband of 2 years recently was checking his video recordings and came across several cassettes of his ex wife (they had been married 10 years) - since then he watches them everyday - he tells me that he is cleaning them up and deleting stuff he doesnt want - but there is film on there of him and her that I find quite upsetting (him being rather amourous with her, joking around etc) - and this has been going on for a week. How should I handle this? Sensible advice only pls!

I have 3 adult children from a previous marriage, my husband has two adult children. All kids are married or with partners. I usually buy all the family christmas presents. I've just found out that my husband sent his own kids each 150 euros for christmas from our account, in addition to the presents I sent to everyone. I'm rather upset about this and told him that if he wanted to send them money he should have sent it after christmas without referring to it as 'christmas money'... am I right to be mad that he is not treating all the children equally?.

My husband told me that his mother has just sent him a nice gift of money for Christmas. She told him it was to use for our home. However, the same day she sent it, I found out that he immediately sent his ex-wife 1000Euros to help her pay her taxes (she doesnt work) and we were scrimping and saving and working to pay our bills and mortgage at the end of the month! I was absolutely furious but my husband justified this when I confronted him and asked him why by saying that he didn't tell me because he knew I would be angry!!!! How would you react in this situation? (mature answers only please). Thank you.

My husband has to go overseas to sell his ex-marital home - according to the divorce settlement the ex-wife could live in the house for up to 5 years before it was sold (she could agree before this deadline to sell at any time, but of course she wouldn't) ... now the 5yrs is up and my husband has to go and sort out the sale because he still has stuff there to move out and store (lots of tools etc we dont have space for here). She is still in the house, alone (they have 2 adult children in their 20s who live away) and she is a very dependent type who wouldnt be able to do the sale alone. I can't go with my husband as I can't get leave from work. I'm worried that once he gets there he will stay in the house and she will start her manipulative ways, he'll feel sorry for her etc etc....

Any advice on how to handle this situation and avoid trouble!?

My brother in law keeps sending family photos and christmas cards or messages by email circulation to my husband (we've been married 3 years), my husband's son and daughter (adults) AND the Ex-wife! It's like he wants to keep them all in the same grouping of 'family' without thinking that I am actually now his sister-in-law and he should really copy me in and not the Ex Wife. At least he could send the Ex Wife the family news through a separate email. I dont want to make a big thing of this, just feel a bit disrespected. What do you think?

My husband choses to pay a sum of US$ 1,500 voluntary alimony to his exwife. She also had a good divorce settlement from him and can live in their family house for 5 years before they sell and split the house money. These payments have been going on for three years since they divorced - he says to help pay maintain the house. We have been married 1 year and are scrimping and saving to pay our mortgage. The point is, I earn more than my husband and he is now telling me that we need to change our lifestyle and cut down costs as he is self employed and not making as much money as he used to. I think that if he cant afford to pay half our mortgage (I pay the other half) the first thing he should do is stop money going to the Ex and if necessary ask for the family house to be sold. (There are no kids at home, kids are adults) I just feel like its not us that's the priority here - its her. When I try and talk to him about it he gets defensive and says it's his problem. Do you think my reaction to be angry is fair or am I overreacting?

As part of my husband's divorce settlement with his ex-wife, she was allowed to stay in their home for five years before they sold it and then they will split the proceeds 50/50. The five years is up in 9 months. I wanted to discuss with my husband what he is doing about it and has the ex wife done up the house and prepared it for selling etc as we really need the money to buy our own home and plan for our future - we have been married 2 years - (I already have my share of the down payment, waiting for his house sale to add his share). He got very defensive and said it is his problem and he will manage it in his own time - in other words to mind my own business. Whenever he calls his ex, he never asks about what's been done in his house and when should they put it up for sale. It's like he's being very protective, and says he cant put her out on the street (she's still not working and he's paying her a voluntary amount of the equivalent of 1,500 USD to pay the house bills to keep it in good shape) Am I wrong? I was thinking that as we are a married couple, we share problems and make decisions together, especially regarding our future and our finances. I'm feeling a bit disappointed in his reaction. Any advice?

My husband is not very passionate. We've been married 6 years. I like trying different things, wearing sexy things, playing games etc... but I need to make love more than he does. It's so disappointing when, in the evening after a few cuddles he says 'hope I sleep well tonight, last night I kept waking up because there was a fly in the room' or, when I caress him, 'no, no, no we need to sleep tonight'. He always seems to have something wrong or he's tired, so I'm not bothering now and feel so sad (and frustrated). I love him to bits. I work, he works, I do housework, he cooks = a normal 50/50 partnership, except for our sex life. I've tried everything, but he doesnt respond. I've even tried 'taking' what I fancy, but he takes a long time to get aroused, which makes me feel very unfeminine! If I'm lucky, he makes love to me once every other week. We are in our 40s and very young at heart and active!

Only sensible suggestions and views pls!

If you are, how do you feel towards them and how does your current partner fit in with the ex?

My brother in law sent an e-card to : my husband, (of one year, we are together for six) my step son and step daughter (adults, in their 20s) AND the EX-WIFE!!! I know he was close to her but there is no need to rub my nose in his xmas wishes that he sent to 'the family' and not me (he has my email) --- my hubby showed me the email not thinking about the list of who it was to!! Am I being paranoid or is he being rude? Surely it woudl be better to send a separate email to the ex and kids and to me and my husband? I didnt make an issue of it with hubby and put it down to ignorance ...Opinions?

We got married last year - small ceremony as it was second marriage for both of us but I just found out that my husband's Ex is very upset that he is now remarried and making all his family feel sorry for her and she is saying how vulnerable it made her feel that he had brought another woman to visit his family (me - his wife!!) - he says he didnt think about telling her, its his life and we dont even live nearby (they were married 20 years, 2 adult kids, been divorced three years by mutual consent, they had grown apart and separated) I never even thought to ask him if she knew - I know they are polite to each other and occasionally call or email about practical issues (they have a house to sell that she has been living in for the past 6 years) - I'm now thinking did he really not think she would find out, or why didnt he just mention it to her during a phone call/email or is he frightened of her reaction? What do you think?

Read into this and let me know your analysis: My hubby of three years divorced his ex 5 years ago on good terms - he initiated it - they had just grown apart, no sex, he said she had become like one of his kids to look after, not a wife - he started working away etc = marriage breakdown...you get the picture. We both have adult children from a previous marriage. She was left well off financially from the divorce.

His parents live in France and we went to visit them last year. Ex-wife didnt know he had remarried, he doesnt discuss personal things with her, only practical stuff like the sale of the old marital home and the splitting of the proceeds. She used to email him every other week for two years giving him all her news (he didnt reply back, but was too nice to tell her to stop) However, someone from his family must have got word to her that he had remarried and since then she has been putting on this 'poor little me, pity me with no husband and no job etc'' appearance for everyone - her kids, her family, even now saying to them how much she still loves and misses him and wants him back! (his brother told me that she is emailing him telling him this - he is in fact trying to persuade her to get out and get a job and a life!).

My husband is trying to ignore it, but I think she's trying to make him feel guilty and he is starting to become very defensive about her when I say to him that he should help her move on and stop sending her money (not legally required in the divorce as he left her enough) then she might get a job and get busy etc. This in turn is causing friction between us - it's like a third person hanging on in the middle of our relationship -what are your thoughts and guidance please?

Thanks!

Need advice on how to handle this situation: I work 10hrs a day, my husband has his own company so already theres a lot of 'shop' talk at the dinner table and I try to help him with the admin. of the company.

His step son (26) came to stay with us to help his dad on a couple of big projects- and then the step-son's uncle came (so the ex-wife's brother) as he is a skilled tile fixer and my hubby needed him for a project. I agreed because I now my husband needs his expertise, so they are both living with us. My son (also 26) and his fiancee were previously staying with us while they saved for a deposit on a house, but they moved out back to her parents house so the room was free for the uncle (the 'short' project has now been over a month).

I've tried to tell my husband that I'm fed up with mens' work talk at dinner, would like to go out alone with him after a day's work, and everyone should share the housework - but he just says well when my son is around I never tell him about housework (not true). Also, when we go out, his son and the uncle always come with us and my husband pays for everything for them. They also monopolise the TV and the sofa, so I end up going to watch TV in the bedroom (the uncle has a TV in his room). The uncle doesnt even clean his own bathroom. Yesterday i had some work to do myself, but ended up fixing lunch and doing the washing up for 4 men (a friend of my husbands came round) - they then went off to work and when I raised the fact that noone helped with the washing up, my husband said, but its normal, they are working and that when my son comes round I clear his dishes!!! Of course my son and my step son are my family, but I resent having to live in my home like its their building site! I feel I am becomine more and more excluded from my own house - apart from the housework! I cant even invite my friends over, as they are always there and never go out - I was trying to keep a nice house (I pay more than half the mortgage!) but now I feel its not my home any more - any advice?! I'm really unhappy and feel nobody listens to me.

Then he said well when my son passes by he leaves ashtrays etc and I dont say anything, so dont say anything about his son and his uncle... (not true, I do moan at my son if I see anything but he was in his room before and I never touched his room!)

My husband has invited his ex-brother in law to stay with us for a while to help him in his business (he has just set up a maintenance business) - it's fine having him here on holiday (even though some people think its strange inviting the brother of an ex wife to stay!) and he's a nice guy. Trouble is, my step son (26) also lives with us and together all they do at home is talk about work, even at dinner. I also work long hours, and when I get back I have to start cooking them dinner. Everytime we go out, the step son and his uncle have to come too. I now dont even go to the living room to watch TV when I have a few minutes because they are watching sports! So I go to the bedroom, but Im beginning to feel like my house isnt my home. Am I being unreasonable? I've tried to tell my husband and said I would like some private time with him but he says he needs his ex brother in law to help him and tells me to be flexible. Any ideas? Thanks!

When making love my husband likes to turn our TV to a porn channel - it doesnt really bother me, but is it normal?

Would you voluntarily pay a sum of 700pounds each month to your your ex-wife of 3 years who doesnt want to work (no alimony stipulated in the divorce because it was a generous, fair and just split of assets) and let your current wife work double shift because sometimes its difficult to make ends meet?

My husband and I have been married 2 years, together 5. He had a long divorce battle (she didnt agree) and was in the middle of it all when I met him- anyways the divorce was finalised 2.5 years ago. She gets to live in the house for 5 years before they sell it and had a fair settlement and half of all assets. However, I just found out that hubby has also had his military pension transferred to her account every month (700 pounds sterling) - this was not included in the divorce settlement.

We are scrimping and saving, I hold down two jobs to make ends meet (the ex doesnt work and has made no effort to) and I wasnt very happy when I found out he was doing this. He has used nearly all his savings setting up his own business. When I asked why, and when would this stop as we need the money and she doesnt, he replied that it will stop when he decides to, and she could have asked for more as an official divorce settlement. I feel angry at this reaction. Am I overreacting? I'm feeling that in a way I am working to subsidise the ex-wife! What do you think? Am I overreacting or should I put my foot down? Many thanks for the advice! ,