EllenMay

This is a problem which I experience repeatedly. I have a partner with whom I am not married. However it seems that every time we contract with a company, they exclusively telephone him. He is very poor at communicating and I end up not hearing about these key matters. More recently I have decided to leave him (this matter is a contributing factor as you can't live your life in the dark). Examples include a national building society who have lent us the money for our joint home - they phoned us asking for him and refusing to speak to me (I own 50% of the house). The agency selling our home - I email them twice, they reply by speaking to my partner on the phone at his work rather than me at home on holiday. The local council and the telephone provider - both mail him and omit my name repeatedly. Each time I have written to complain but it happens again and again. Believe me the list is ENDLESS.

On one occasion we went into a (real) estate agency to look at properties. The agent spoke uniquely to my partner, showing him pictures of houses, throughout. When he asked my partner if my partner would need a loan, I butted in telling this obnoxious individual that yes, my partner would need a loan as clearly I would not be contributing my equity to a house uniquely chosen by my partner and you, the sexist agent.

Another example: we both witnessed a car accident. The police uniquely asked for him to give a statement so I walked out.

I am an individual on my second masters degree with a first class honours in Business. He had a 3rd class degree (not Honours) and delegates problems to me at all times. I am not stupid.

Does anyone know why this happens, and how I can stop this bigoted behaviour on their part?

I have a stepson aged 26 who I have raised with his siblings since he was 4. He has caused me a lot of worry, in getting an underage girl drunk (parents threatening legal action), thieving in a shop once (owner threatening legal action), and a variety of minor misdemeanours such as failing at school, dropping out of college etc.

He has been with a girl now aged 5 years younger than him for 4 years and when they visit us, at my invitation (not his father's who is not very good at social events), they sit there with their hands linked in my stepson's groin. Otherwise she is all over him like a rash, very sexual, in front of not only me (I'm pretty liberal - we are not married), but his elderly grandparents. Not just that, she snubs everyone in our family who tries to speak to her, flipping open her phone, grabbing a magazine - anything not to talk to us. She asks him to cut up her meat, at the table (no, sadly I'm not kidding), pour her drinks, accompany her to the toilet where he has to stand protectively outside etc. They have a dog which attacks our own dog in our own dog's home, and this girl then has a go at our dog. Recently she snubbed the grandparents big time, and my stepdaughter (his sister) is offended by their very sexual behaviour as her boyfriend is not very demonstrative. At their older brother's wedding, my stepson and his girlfriend came down late every single day we were involved in the wedding, making it very clear to everyone (grandparents, uncle, aunt, us, siblings) why they were late. During the wedding feast again they were all over each other.

The reason I am asking advice is that although we tolerate what they throw at us, this girl refuses categorically to speak to us during her visits here, or to even pay the remotest element of polite behaviour towards us in any form, completely ignoring anything we or our guests say to her, and yet he is smitten. We tried mentioning it to him on one occasion (when we walk the dog, she keeps as far away from us as is possible) and thought that it was OK but now he has sent me an insulting and highly accusative email stating that I am criticising his choice of partner. However his entire family hate her to bits, far more expressively than I do! It is not his choice of partner, but her extreme rudeness towards us!

What can I do? I am working 24/7 to support this family and don't have time for all of these things! Many thanks