zoomddy2

It won a contest at www.aintitcool.com

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.

The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.

He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."

The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.

He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."

The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."

The Cult of Bruce knows "Evil Dead" movies rock, and the best roll in Spider-Man was "Ring Announcer." We also know that Chuck Norris wishes he could be Bruce, and Tom Cruise is less manly than Bruce's toenail clipping. Join The Cult of Bruce . . .

A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bar tender turns to the grasshopper and says "hey, you know what? We happen to have a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper responds "you have a drink called Kevin?"

A big-time negotiator was out fishing one day when he caught a strange looking fish. He reeled the fish in, unhooked it, and threw it on the ground next to him. The fish started writhing in agony and, to the negotiator's surprise, said, "Please throw me back into the lake and I'll grant you three wishes."

"Any three wishes, huh?" the negotiator mused as visions of expensive fast cars and beautiful women paraded through his head.

"Fish," he finally exclaimed, "Give me five wishes and I'll throw you back."

"Sorry," the fish answered while struggling for breath, "only three wishes."

The negotiator's pride was at stake and after giving the matter some thought he announced, "What do you take me for? A sucker? I'll settle for four wishes."

"Only three," the fish murmured weakly.

Fuming, the man debated the pros and cons of accepting the three wishes or continuing to bargain for that one extra wish. Finally, the negotiator decided it wasn't worth looking a gift fish in the mouth and said "All right fish, you win, three wishes."

Unfortunately, by then the fish was dead.

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. First the CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. Next the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. Finally the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.

The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn't often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog immediately grants this wish. The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well. This wish is also fulfilled. The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish,

It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning.

As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended)

He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.

She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.

She does, and Mr. Gorill

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

A big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him, and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel. And if he could locate the bullet hole. he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Spring Buck." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .22 rifle." The others could not believe it. He was right, and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeked, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him.

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in their car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole said, "and the rifle was a .308," which of course was right. This, of course, was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove is skills over and over again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, stoned out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one heck of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?" His wife replied angrily, "From me, of course."

"But what did I do?" he asked. She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a triumphant tone, 'Skunk, killed with an axe.'"

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http://www.aintitcool.com/node/32509

would that be the end of all good movies? Without "Bubba Ho-Tep," "The Man With the Screaming Brain," and "The Evil Dead" trilogy, there would be nothing to watch. Everything these days is a sequel, a remake, or a poorly-done adaptation from a book or comic. No originality at all, except for movies by The Bruce. Who's with me? Long Live The Bruce!

I am looking for a Manga download site that also has mp3 downloads of anime soundtracks. Someone posted the link about 2 weeks ago but I lost the link. Help?