Jazz

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and, for the last few months, things have been pretty rocky to the point of me moving out after much suggestion.

Things were all good in the beginning, perhaps the “honeymoon stage” where we were on our best behaviour. It was after a nasty time working for a shoe retailer (less than adequate treatment from management) that he seemed more stressed, walking out. This was about September time.

I slowly moved in prior to this, June-July time, which was met with much happiness because we both wanted it. I helped pay bills as much as I could because I knew it would be more difficult with me being there (electricity/food etc.). Because I wasn’t officially living there, we looked at other properties for the future, some of which weren’t practical due to finances or location (there was one he really wanted but I turned it down as it wasn’t practical).

With the stress coming in was the start of a darkening apartment, him being more stressed but not wanting to talk about it or what was going on. Despite looking at properties together previously, him being the one who started looking, he later “revealed” that I moved in too quick and that I never asked to move in, which was never a problem at the time for either of us (it wasn’t needed, surely?).

He started talking to me about moving out because it would “help” (who? what?). He had already been away for two weekends with a friend and also his family to get some time alone, which he allegedly needs being an only child (the only part I can agree with in that is that he didn’t learn to share or be with others – he’s quite selfish).

Come his birthday, I prioritised a staff meal because I needed time away myself, much like he did (sadly, on a special day for him). It was a great night but I knew I didn’t do much for my boyfriend on the day. We argued the following morning, saying how it was nice for him to be with people who “wanted him there” and made a point of him making effort for my birthday, despite things being better then. Like usual, he brings up the past and acts emotionally without thinking things through, which is a bit more my approach. It’s like it was all a big personal attack to him.

I stormed out, packed my things and went back to my parents where I still am now, nearly 2 weeks later. He apparently still loves me but wanted his keys back and for me to take all my stuff back (I packed some stuff as I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone for). He doesn’t know how long it will take but it will take “a while” (again, to do what?). He still wants us to be a couple and hopes for things to be back to normal soon – the thing is that he doesn’t talk to me about what’s on his mind, even if it involves me (instead he talks to his friends and acts like the victim, which he isn’t and nor am I).

I miss him and still love him, but I’m not sure he really feels the same anymore. I’m not sure what’s changed but he seems a much darker version of who he was and believes I can do so much better, something he maintained in the beginning. I miss the happier version of him, I want that back because he was fine before he started to get more stressed.

What do you guys think of the situation?

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who I've been with since last week. I asked him out earlier than planned as I couldn't wait any longer. I originally was going to ask him the question on Valentine’s Day in a loving poem but I just didn't (yes, I decided to do the asking because he wanted me to be ready). Unlike other guys I've liked, he puts in the effort (maybe a little too much) and is caring. He isn't exactly my physical type though.

Now earlier this week, I saw this guy at college who I spoke to last month online. It was a random yet friendly talking thing and I found out he’s on my course in the first year (I'm second year) and we just got on. When I saw him in college whilst at the same event, I messaged him “BOO!” and we continued talking. I said something along the lines of “I'm sure your smile is sunshine to some people” as we were talking about the rainy weather. It continued and he called me ‘cute’. I was being helpful and supportive of him later on with his college work and him online; he said that I'm “ridiculously nice” and he looks forward to having a hot chocolate with me sometime (I agreed to this). The thing is that this guy is more my type physically and we have quite a bit in common (similar interests, similar aspirations, similar views).

I'm confused because I'm in a relationship, of course, but I do feel I have a crush on this other guy. I’m not sure if he feels the same way back but yeah. Because of this crush, I don’t feel as attracted to my boyfriend.

I spoke to my boyfriend about it this morning as I couldn't hold it in. He was jealous a little but wanted to know if I was seeing him, which I'm not. He did his usual thing of telling me what I know, that things can't always be cheery. Still, whilst I do love him and smile at the times together, I do feel a little annoyed by him as a person too (he can be loud, act a little like a "know-it-all" when he's not, and is a bit much in general).

I'm not sure what to do or what to think. Any help? Thanks in advance.

There is this one guy who I've known for nearly 2 months. We liked each other initially but things went a little downhill after I told him that distance isn't really my thing (I neglected to say in the beginning, I should have but it didn't come to mind). It wasn't a big falling out, more disappointment on his side. A few weeks later, knowing that we couldn't really be together and as he spoke to this other guy, he was with someone but this was long distance too and I know they knew each other for a while. Around this time, I had liked another guy but this other guy later neglected to talk to me as much as he did so I moved on. The guy I like knew I was sad and cheered me up, saying that he's always going to be there for me. He has been too. He also split with his boyfriend not long after, not feeling right in the relationship and claiming that I make him happier than his boyfriend does, although it wasn't my intention to make them to split.

Anyway, we spoke more and we were glad to be speaking properly again. We realised that we still liked each other and things just got better there. He talks to me everyday, initiating the conversation, he has written a song about me, and has generally been a sweetheart, through and through. From what I know, he is the guy I would love to have. What is still bugging me, however, is the distance. It's like over 320km (or 200 miles) away and it doesn't feel great that he doesn't live close. I've been in a long distance relationship before and I didn't like it personally because of missing them and just wanting to have them for cuddles, kisses, all of that. My ex, however, lived a little closer so there's a change of dynamic (from talking online to talking in person and then vice-versa). Here, we've only spoken online.

I guess my question really is what do I do? At the moment, there isn't anyone else. This guy wants to move closer but that's not going to happen very soon as his circumstances had already changed quite recently. I did find out that he sometimes visits a place that's fairly close to me but this isn't often, but it'd give us an opportunity to meet.

Thanks in advance.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 months now and it's definitely been a roller coaster. We've met 4 times also - we get to see each other every month and usually just for a day.

The problem is two things: the distance and his gender dysphoria. He is FtM (Female-to-Male) and is pre-everything (he dresses as a guy but has not done anything else in terms of transition). I'm supportive of him and the transition process but there's a limit as to what can happen, especially sexually. I don't want it to be this way but my relationship with him seems to be physical more than anything. When we talk about other things, it doesn't necessarily get anywhere - I don't want to just blame him, but he isn't very communicative. I met someone the other day online and we were and still are able to talk a lot and more smoothly. The problem is that my boyfriend isn't very good at responding or keeping a conversation going. We've talked these issues before and he promised a lot of things, including to be more talkative, but that's not happened. I don't want to change him necessarily but the conversation isn't particularly great - each meet-up is very similar and there's not much else we can do in a short time frame.

I'm just not sure if I can stay with him. It seems as if I give a lot to the relationship and I don't get a lot in return. Like I said, it seems more physical and that's the only way he really pleases me; it seems to me that I make him more happy generally and he only really makes me happy sexually (I'm not saying it's not vice versa per se, it's just not as true). I care for him but part of me believe he just needs a friend to be there for him rather a boyfriend. Overall, he's an insecure person and that can get in the way.

He's not entirely sure either whether he wants to stay with me also because of my feelings with the distance (I was never that okay with it in the past but I made an exception for him) and also because he doesn't know if he's really ready for a relationship. The problem we both face here is that we care for each other and we'll find it difficult to be without each other as a relationship (even as friends, it'd be tempting). I'm not sure if this is just another obstacle (this issue has come up many times before and is recurring and persistent) or a sign that we should split.

What do you recommend? Thank you in advance.

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and have been for a month today. The distance isn't much, it's only about 120 miles, and the last time I saw him was when we became official, a month ago today. He is a transman (female-to-male, still biologically a girl (he's pre-hormones) but identifies as a gay man. I am a cisgender gay man, I was born and identify as a guy - a biological guy).

I've always been a little sceptical of the idea of a long distance relationship but I liked this guy a lot and felt something special for him. The fact that he's a transman shouldn't bother me as it's about them as a person and not what's between their legs but, I must admit, there is a thought in the back of my mind that says this cannot work, both due to distance and because he's a transman.

Recently, the thought of my boyfriend doesn't give me that same spark, it's just a dull feeling and I worry that I don't love him as much as he deserves. I'm not sure if it's because I'm used to him not being here, being a month since I last saw him (even if we talk daily by text and at least once a week on webcam on Skype), but I'm just not sure. Am I just over-thinking this? Is this natural for a long distance relationship? When I do go on cam with him, I do feel more of an intense feeling and I'm sure that'll be the case when I next see him in person (when I met with him last month, I really enjoyed the time with him).

So, yes, what do I feel? What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

After meeting the guy that I like for the first time almost a month ago now, I left feeling rather happy but that feeling deteriorated after boarding the train home. This guy lives about an hour away by train. The feelings got to me a little more at night (It was 1:05am and I thought to myself "I met him 12 hours ago"). The next morning, I woke up feeling upset and was on the verge of crying. Why? It's likely because I missed him.

I'll say what happened to provide some insight. There was a lovely hug at the beginning and the actual meet-up was nice too. He still came across as sweet but I knew that I wanted to be close to him physically. We were in a park at one point and I rested my head on his shoulder and then kissed his cheek. He then kissed mine after we left and after I said he could kiss mine if he wanted to. When my train home arrived, we had a big hug that lasted about 5 seconds and was rather tight. I kissed his cheek and he returned it and we waved goodbye a few times before I got on the train, waving goodbye one last time. He said that he missed me also and that he had a lovely time.

On the Thursday the following week, he texted me to say that he just wanted to be friends but made it clear that he thinks I'm a sweet guy, that he wants to keep talking to me, and that his decision was because he's too busy and therefore I wouldn't be able to see him a lot (he has lots going on like choir practice, voice lessons, work etc.). I know it was the best thing to do because we don't actually know each other all that well - it seemed to all be based on attraction rather than an intellectual connection, despite us wanting to get to know each other (I had initially slowed things down a few weeks prior because it was all going quickly before).

I was around a friend's house on that weekend and I cried the next morning after he put on some songs to help me get over this guy, one of the songs touching me in particular. Just note that I hadn't cried in years and that this was the first time I had cried over a boy, that's how much I cared. I told the guy about this after attempting to talk to him on the Monday and it seemed to sadden him a little but he also said that he's not worth my tears; he had also sent five kisses per reply (or most), showing that he still cared.

It's been several weeks since I last spoke to him (which was when I told him about my feelings) and I still miss him. I don't know how he is but I don't know if I can bring myself to talk to him because I'm scared that the feelings will come back and I don't think I can handle having them again. I know that things were going quickly and still went quite quickly after we slowed things down, going too fast a pace.

I'm not sure what I can do right now because this situation is still affecting me and, like I said, it was almost a month ago now. Just note that I had only known him for several weeks before meeting up with him and that he had recently come out of a relationship, which was why I wanted to slow things down initially (he was a little shocked by the decision in actual fact but he said that he was getting used to it).

Any help is appreciated. Apologies for the mass of information, hopefully it's all useful somewhat. Thanks in advance.

I've grown tired of my point-and-shoot camera (Samsung PL200), mostly because of the lack of manual controls. I could be described as a budding photographer yet my current camera just doesn't cut it for me any more; I want to have more flexibility, more customisation.

The problem is that I don't have enough money for a DSLR and I've been looking up bridge cameras too, which may be better in terms of budget. I want a camera that is more modern, has very good image quality, manual controls (full manual would be good) etc. I take photos of most things but I tend to make more photos of landscapes and I enjoy taking macros too (well, close-up - the camera just labels it macro).

My budget is £200 so I understand that I'll probably have to get a camera second-hand, but which camera would you recommend?

Thanks in advance.

Okay so I've never used them before but I'd love to use them because I'm really sick of my hair - the ends always seem to curl and...yeah, it just annoys me (plus my hair is pretty wavy anyway...well I think it's wavy...definitely not straight).

But yeah how do I use them? Well I'm not going to use them just yet as I'm waiting for my heat protecting spray to arrive. I had a quick run with them turned off (just to get the jist of it) and it always pulls at the fine hairs when I do it. What can I do to stop this? My hair is fine (as in thin) just to say.