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Should I contact former fling?
This girl and I went on about 6 dates and things seemed to be going well. We both agreed to keep things casual but her behavior indicated that she wanted something more than casual. We both seemed to be having a good time but suddenly when I asked her out again she said that she had been thinking about things a lot and had decided that we would be better as friends. This was about 4 months ago and we haven't spoken since then. I've been thinking about her a lot recently and would like to reach out to her. Even though we ended on good terms, because she was the one who ended things I don't know if me reaching out to her is a good idea. What do you think?
1 AnswerSingles & Dating4 years agoInvite crush as date to out of state wedding?
I have a crush on one of my guy friends. It often feels like he's flirting with me but he's never asked me out on a date so I don't know if he actually likes me as more than friends. I was invited to my friend's wedding out of state and would like to invite him as my date. Because the wedding is out of town we would have to stay in a hotel room. Should I ask him to go with me or is it too much too soon?
2 AnswersSingles & Dating4 years agoHow can I stay in touch when she didn't reply to my email?
I met a girl in a somewhat professional setting. I'm a grad student and she graduated and is an intern for someone who spoke at a conference at school. I was one of the student escorts for the speakers and their interns. When she and I met, we clicked immediately and I felt like I'd known her my whole life.
During the day, she took every opportunity to chat with me. It felt like we were flirting but I wasn't sure if that was wishful thinking. When the group was leaving, she found me and gave me her email address "in case [I] want to email [her]." She didn't give it to any other student so it was very unexpected.
I emailed her the next day and because I was unsure of her intentions, I kept the tone professional. It's been over a week and she hasn't replied. It's strange that she would give me her email address without me asking and then not reply. She's probably busy and forgot to reply but I'd like to stay in touch. What can I do so I don't seem annoying or needy?
3 AnswersSingles & Dating8 years agoEx cuddling but no kissing?
My ex came to visit me and is spending three nights with me. The first night, as we were falling asleep, she rolled over and spooned me. Throughout the night, no matter what position, she always made sure that we were touching in some way. This surprised me because we have not cuddled since we broke up 9 months ago. She was also cuddling while we were watching tv the next day and kept rubbing my back and kissing my head.
During her stay, she has kissed me on the lips a few times but just quick pecks. I have tried to initiate longer kisses but she seems to avoid anything more than a peck. We've been kissing on the cheek and forehead/head but not much more. I know that she is probably trying to maintain boundaries but it seems like she is not being as clear as she should be especially because the way she has been cuddling is quite intimate. She might also be scared but I don't want to force anything because she was the one who broke up with me. Is there a way I can get her to kiss me for longer than a peck?
1 AnswerLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoSecond date scheduling issues?
I met this girl online and after emailing for awhile she asked if I would like to meet for drinks. I agreed and asked if she had a place in mind. She suggested two and let me choose. We had fun and when the bill came we both took out our cards but she seemed hesitant to suggest splitting it so I said, I'll pay this time and you can pay next time, ok? She said ok and I paid the bill.
I contacted her two days later to see if she wanted to go out again and she said yes immediately and asked if I had a place in mind. I suggested two places (following her precedent) and gave her the choice. She said either was fine so I made the decision. I asked what time worked for her and she gave a time and then said, do you want to just meet somewhere and walk around? I agreed and asked where she wanted to meet. She said, I chose last time, remember? (referring to the suggestion for the first date) I said yes, that's why I suggested the restaurant this time.
I thought the whole thing was weird but we finally settled it and texted and chatted like normal people. Today I texted her to confirm our date and she said that we were still on and asked if I had an idea where to meet. I was confused and said, I thought we figured that out already. She apologized and said that she has been forgetful this week. Her behavior is kind of strange so I'm not sure what's going on. Because I paid the first time and she agreed to pay this time I didn't want to control this date too much but maybe she's looking for me to take control? What should I do?
3 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoWhat's going on here?
My friend has made it clear that she wants to be just friends and doesn't want to date. However, there have been several times when we have crossed the friends boundary, usually when she initiates it. Each time she says that we shouldn't have done that because we're "just friends." I would like more but am scared to cross the friend boundary because it seems like that's only ok when it's on her terms.
I have been looking elsewhere for people to date but she gets upset if she finds out that I have a date. From the beginning she has also always glanced over my shoulder when I'm texting and asks who the person is if she doesn't recognize the name. Her behavior seems inappropriate since we're not dating so I can date and text whoever I want. Any ideas about what's going on here and how to handle it?
3 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoEx flirting while tipsy?
My girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago and we've continued to remain friends.Whenever I'm in town she always wants to spend a lot of time with me but she also seems very guarded (her best friend told her to make sure that she does not mislead me).
Last night we met for drinks and she got a bit tipsy. Suddenly she was herself again, no huge walls or reserved attitude. She was flirting a lot and we were having fun joking and laughing like old times. Afterwards we went back to her apartment and were watching a movie and cuddling. I could sense when the alcohol was wearing off because she was suddenly much more conscious of her behavior in relation to me.
When were texting after I got home, she said that she was not happy that we were so physically close because she does not want to mislead me. She said that she kept running through the night in her head and kept wondering why she allowed it, said it was her job to police herself. I explained that it was my responsibility not to cross lines too and should not have been so physical with her.
While I know that alcohol lowers people's inhibitions, why does she keep saying that she needs to keep her guard up and not mislead me and then when she's tipsy she's her old self? Does that mean that she's suppressing her feelings when she's sober? It does feel like she's forcing herself to behave a certain way and it comes across as distant and cold and forced which is sad because you can't even have a friendship when someone is behaving that way.
1 AnswerLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoEx flirting while tipsy?
My girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago and we've continued to remain friends.Whenever I'm in town she always wants to spend a lot of time with me but she also seems very guarded (her best friend told her to make sure that she does not mislead me).
Last night we met for drinks and she got a bit tipsy. Suddenly she was herself again, no huge walls or reserved attitude. She was flirting a lot and we were having fun joking and laughing like old times. Afterwards we went back to her apartment and were watching a movie and cuddling. I could sense when the alcohol was wearing off because she was suddenly much more conscious of her behavior in relation to me.
When were texting after I got home, she said that she was not happy that we were so physically close because she does not want to mislead me. She said that she kept running through the night in her head and kept wondering why she allowed it, said it was her job to police herself. I explained that it was my responsibility not to cross lines too and should not have been so physical with her.
While I know that alcohol lowers people's inhibitions, why does she keep saying that she needs to keep her guard up and not mislead me and then when she's tipsy she's her old self? Does that mean that she's suppressing her feelings when she's sober? It does feel like she's forcing herself to behave a certain way and it comes across as distant and cold and forced which is sad because you can't even have a friendship when someone is behaving that way.
1 AnswerLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoBracelet she gave me?
When my ex asked me to be her girlfriend she got us matching friendship bracelets. We both wore them for a few months after that and I eventually stopped wearing mine because it was getting dirty and I think she stopped wearing hers too. I hung out with her a few days ago and noticed that she was wearing the bracelet. I commented on it and she said that she's been wearing it a lot. Is it strange that she would be wearing it although we're no longer together? Why would she suddenly start wearing it again?
4 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoWhy is ex behaving this way?
My girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago and we've tried to remain friends. We hung out a bit a few months after the break up and although it was strange to be just friends, it wasn't too bad.
The past few months she's been really hot and cold, being clingy and wanting to talk to me and then disappearing for days and not returning my calls. A few days ago I hung out with her and some of our friends and she was basically ignoring me and was making crude jokes (that our friends did not find funny) and was saying things that were just coming across as mean. When we were alone and talked later that night she was back to her old self so her earlier behavior was really strange. She explained that the reason she has been hot and cold is because her friend told her to be careful not to lead me on so whenever she is excited to talk to me/see me and is being clingy she realizes she might be giving mixed signals and pulls back. I told her that while I understood that, if she continued to actively be a jerk towards me like she did the night with our friends I couldn't be her friend anymore. She was really upset and cried and said that she didn't want to lose me. I was in town for a week and she has wanted to see me almost everyday and on the days that we've hung out we've had a lot of fun.
I miss her so much and it's hard not being with her but I don't know how we can even be friends when she's being so immature. We're in our 30s so it's not like we're children and she's the one who broke up with me so I don't understand her behavior. Why could she be acting this way?
2 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoDoes it seem like she wants to get back together?
My girlfriend broke up with me several months ago but we have remained friends. I live in a different city, moved to attend grad school a few months before we broke up, so we only see each other when I am visiting my parents. She wanted to visit me and bring two of our mutual friends so they could take me out to dinner for my birthday. I told her that I had too much work since exams were approaching. She was disappointed but understood that school was important to me and I needed to focus. She sent me flowers on my birthday which was a nice surprise. We were texting after I texted to thank her for the flowers and said that it sounded like she had a fun day. She said that it would have been more fun if she had come to visit me. She periodically says that she misses me and still says "I love you" at various times but I'm not sure if that means anything since she says I love you to her friends and obviously you can say that you miss a friend. She also keeps mentioning my friend (who I was seeing briefly after we broke up, kind of a rebound) since one of our mutual friends told her i was seeing someone, but I have clarified to my ex that we're now just friends..
I still love her and want her back but I'm afraid to talk to her about it since I don't know if she wants to get back together. Does her behavior seem like she might want to get back together? How do I approach the conversation? I will be seeing her in about a month.
1 AnswerLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoHow can I initiate sober sex?
This girl and I have been hanging out as friends but we sometimes cuddle and have made out a few times but she always apologizes for crossing boundaries. Whenever she drinks she tries to do more with me but since i'm usually sober during those times I am hesitant to do anything since I don't want to take advantage of her.
A few weeks ago she invited me over and encouraged me to drink with her. We were both drunk and got quite intimate but I stopped it before we had sex because I knew that I was drunk and wasn't thinking clearly or feeling what was going on. I explained to her the next day that I left because I was drunk and would have stayed otherwise. She said that was a smart move but I think she felt rejected.
I would like to try again when we're sober but do you think there's a way to do this? I'm scared of her rejecting me if she's not drunk but I know that she won't try to get me drunk again and try anything.
2 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoGetting over ex girlfriend?
My ex broke up with me 4 months ago and we've tried to remain friends but it feels a little forced. She goes back and forth between being clingy and distant. She hasn't answered my last two phone calls in the past few weeks and whenever she emails or texts it seems like she's trying really hard to sound like she's happy. I don't know what's going on with her but it's hard to maintain this superficial friendship that feels fake.
Tonight she called and left a message saying that she and 2 of our friends wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday in a few weeks and wanted to see if it was ok with me (I live in another city). While I appreciate the gesture and the fact that they thought of me (i have a feeling it was her idea though), I'm hesitant to say yes. I still have feelings for her and I think that seeing her for dinner would be too much for me to handle emotionally right now. I saw her a few times after we broke up, most recently last month, and after each time I cried and missed her more.
I'm pretty sure I should tell her that I have too much schoolwork and won't be able to have dinner with them. The bigger issue is how I handle my feelings for her. I don't think she has the same feelings for me and while I don't want to make a big deal about it, it might be best to suggest some time without any contact for awhile. Thoughts?
3 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoWhy is ex behaving this way?
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. After a month of no contact (my suggestion) I finally contacted her because she asked me to contact her when I was ready to be friends. She was very excited to hear from me and for a few days we texted, emailed, and spoke on the phone regularly. We eventually met for dinner and a movie and had a great time. After that she continued to be friendly (rather clingy) but only through text or email. I've tried to call her twice in the past 3 weeks and she doesn't answer or call me back. She also texts or emails a lot and gets reminiscent but then I don't hear from her for a few days and she acts like nothing is wrong.
Why is she doing this and how do I handle this?
1 AnswerLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoEx clingy then distant?
My ex broke up with me three months ago. We have remained friends but lately she has been acting a bit strange. She'll be texting me constantly and emailing me daily about random things. Then suddenly she goes MIA for a few days.
A few weeks ago I called to say hi and her phone went directly to voicemail. She emailed me the next day to apologize for not answering and said that she was on the phone with her boss and then had work to do. Yesterday she emailed me asking for advice with a problem she was having and when I called her she didn't answer. I ended up responding to her email but I still have not heard from her. We have spoken on the phone a few times since the break up but I don't know why she is behaving this way suddenly. She still says that she loves me and misses me but I don't understand why she's clingy for a few days and then distant for a few days. I'm willing to be her friend but none of my friends act this way.
Why would she behave this way and how should I handle it?
2 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoWhy would she do this?
I have been spending time with this girl who said that she doesn't want to date and just wants to be friends. However, she continually crosses boundaries and other times gets upset when I don't initiate the boundary crossing and when I do so either way I can't win. The mixed signals are confusing because I never know whether to treat her as a friend or as more.
Last night she told me that she received a random text from someone saying that they still love and miss her and constantly think about them and what could have been. I asked who sent it and she said that the name was unimportant. I asked why the text was strange and she said that she hadn't spoken to the person in months. I asked why she was being so secretive and she said that I was being pushy. I explained that I didn't know why she brought it up if she didn't want to talk about it or tell me who it was and why the text was strange. She said that the name of the person was irrelevant. Since she was getting progressively nastier with me and I didnt want to argue, I just said ok and said that i needed to go to bed. She then got defensive and said that I was being immature and was ranting about my attitude etc.
Why would she tell me about the text if she didn't want to tell me who sent it? Also, why did she get so nasty when I asked who it was from?
3 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoIs my ex girlfriend jealous?
My ex girlfriend broke up with me in December. We tried to be friends but it was too hard for me so I asked for no contact for awhile. When i emailed her a little over a month later she was excited to hear from me and everything was great between us.
While we weren't talking, I met someone and while we only went on one date and ultimately decided not to pursue a relationship and be just friends, we did not adhere to that plan as strictly as we should have and we became more than just friends. One day while talking to my ex I mentioned that I had been seeing someone. She seemed ok with it initially but after a few days of talking she kept making comments about me dating this girl. I explained that we weren't exclusive and had agreed to be friends. She got upset that I had told her that I was seeing her if we were never dating. We didn't talk about it for awhile but one of my friends has been telling me that my ex brings it up with her in conversation a lot.
Today, my ex told me that she was confused about why I said that I was seeing someone and then said it wasn't like that. She said that it was as if I was saying, "eff you" to her. She kept asking if we were dating and how I felt about her. I asked why it mattered and she said that she cares about me and wants me to be happy and keeps hounding me about it to see how I'm doing. The conversation went on in the same manner for awhile and she basically just seemed like she was being kind of nasty. Does this sound like she's jealous? Why is she jealous if she is the one who dumped me? How should I handle this? Up until today I still wasn't really over her and wanted to get back together but this interaction made me think twice about that.
2 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoFirst dinner with ex?
My ex and I haven't seen each other in over two months and just started talking again about a month ago (she broke up with me 3 months ago). I'm in town visiting my family and she called to ask when I was leaving and asked if we could get dinner and if not if she could see me even if it's only for 5 minutes. I miss her a lot and am still in love with her. She keeps saying how much she misses me but I think that she only sees me as a friend. How do I act around her at dinner? I'm afraid of my feelings rushing back and then being just as sad later as when she initially broke up with me.
3 AnswersSingles & Dating9 years agoHow to handle ex girlfriend?
After my ex broke up with me I told her that I needed time with no contact. A few weeks ago I emailed her and since then she has been contacting me a lot. All of my friends say that it sounds like she wants to get back together. I'm not sure if she's trying to get back together or if she's just being friendly (when she broke up with me she said that she wanted to be friends). I'm going to be seeing her in a few weeks and am wondering how I can tell if she wants to get back together. I don't want to ask her directly in case she doesn't want to get back together and is just being friendly. What should I do?
4 AnswersLesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender9 years agoWhy would ex girlfriend send flowers?
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me in December (after 8 months together) and we haven't spoke since January. I told her that I needed space and initiated no contact. I emailed her a few days ago to say hi. When she emailed me back she was very excited to hear from me and wrote a lengthy response. Today I received a bouquet of red tulips for Valentine's Day even though the card said Happy (early) Tuesday. When i emailed her to thank her, she said that she was going to send them anyway and break the no contact rule but since I had emailed her a few days ago that made things easier. I'm not sure how to interpret the flowers. I think that she's just making a friendly gesture (and maybe even feels somewhat guilty that we're not together) but I don't think it means anything more than that. Some of my friends keep telling me that I'm being naive and that she's trying to get back together. How would you interpret this?
2 AnswersSingles & Dating9 years ago