Shane

The basis of the movie is a professor who is retiring. A handful of his co-workers attend a gathering in his honor. When asked why he is retiring he confides to his co-workers that he hasn't aged in hundreds of years and that every 30 years he has to move locations before people start to notice. The content of the movie is him being questioned by his professors friends on his history based with their acumen.

Does anyone know where I can purchase Black Bordered Envelopes in Ottawa, Ontario? They represent a notice of a death to the individual who receives them.

After a night of binge drinking a drunken Irishman stumbles his way home through a forests path. Not 100% aware of his footing he trips and falls to the ground, before he hits the ground he notices that he’s tripped over a Leprechaun. On his way down he grabs the Leprechaun and holds fast. Regaining his senses he holds up the Leprechaun and says “ah ha you little bugger, I got cha! Now you owe me three wishes.”

The Leprechaun sighs and says “you got me, what be your first wish?”

The drunken Irishman stops to think and realizes his first wish “okay then, I’d like a glass of Bourbon about so big” holding his hands outward to show the size of glass he requires.

The Leprechaun scratches his long beard then snaps his fingers. Out of nowhere an eight inch glass of Bourbon appears in the Irishman’s hands.

“Brilliant!” The Irishman exclaims before he downs the Bourbon in one quick gulp. Yet once the glass was emptied it refilled itself. To the Irishman’s amazement he looks at the Leprechaun, then back at the full glass of Bourbon and starts to down it again. Once again the glass refills itself with eight inches of Bourbon, astonished the Irishman yells out “that is the most amazing thing!”

The Leprechaun looks at the Irishman and says “so what be your second and third wish?”

Overjoyed the Irishman says “well then, give me two more of these!”

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon night are in a passionate embrace moments before they retire to consummate their relationship.

The wife whispers in her husbands ear “honey, I need to tell you something. One, I’m a virgin, and two, I have the breasts of a nine year old.”

A little shocked but sympathetic, the husband whispers back “I have something to tell you also, I hung like a newborn baby.”

Overjoyed with admiration and understanding for each other they tighten their hug. Quietly the wife backs away from her husband and makes a move towards the washroom where she says “wait for me in bed honey, I’ll be right back.” She closes the door to change while her husband removes his clothes and waits in bed. 3 minutes later the washroom door opens and she steps out wearing a red teddy. She slowly makes her way to the foot of the bed where she drops her top revealing her petite breasts. Shyly she smiles and says “see, like a nine year olds.”

With an understanding smile the husband nods and gently pulls the sheets back revealing his member. His wife looks down and screams at the top of her lungs and immediately passes out. 10 minutes later she comes to in the arms of her husband. She pulls away and crys out “you lied to me! You lied to me! You said your were hung like a newborn baby!”

The husband pulls away from her shocked at what she’s said and responds “what the hell do you mean? Look, 7 pounds, 9 ounces, 12 inches long! I didn’t lie!”

Does anyone know of a framing store in Ottawa that has this poster?