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Rwats

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  • What is your opinion on my writing? Constructive Critisism only please!?

    Here is a chapter from the novel I am currently writing:

    I was trying to finish my homework so I could get back to writing my novel. It is about a girl who learns she is the queen of an alien race.

    I really wish that was me. It would be awesome to get a break from all the constant teasing and bullying.

    But I wouldn’t want to leave my parents. I’m an only child so they would be all lonely without me. Not that they wouldn’t be sad if I left and I had a sibling.

    At that moment my mom came into my bedroom.

    “Julia, get ready for swim practice. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

    Ugh, I hate being on swim team. I’m the slowest one. Plus, Jessie is on swim team also. That means now I’m not only being tormented by her in school but outside school too.

    On the first day of swim team in the fall I came home crying because of Jessie.

    “I’m sure it will get better over time” my mom told me.

    That was at the beginning of the school year. It’s now the end of April.

    My mom forced me to be on swim team because she thought I wasn’t getting enough exercise.

    But that is definitely not true. I dance twice a week for two hours a day. Mondays are Ballet and Jazz and Tuesdays are Hip Hop and Tap.

    I love to dance. It’s really nice to just shake all the stress away. And let me tell you, we work up quite sweat doing it.

    But I don’t think my mother gets that.

    Plus, I don’t get a whole lot of exercise going to swim practice.

    My coach, Henry,  usually likes to have all the good swimmers practice more because they are the ones who are going to swim the meets.

    He also wants them to have as much room as possible when swimming. So that means all the good swimmers get to have a lane all to themselves. There are only six lanes.

    Five of them are for the good swimmers. The last one is for the bad swimmers.

    There are only ten people on my swim team. Five good swimmers and five bad ones.

    Our meets only have six events. That means all the good swimmers and one bad swimmer swims each time. The bad swimmers take turns.

    The bad swimmers always swim the same event each time. The backstroke.

    That is all we practice.

    We take turns swimming at practice too. We each swim one lap then the next person gets to go.

    That only gives us about ten minutes practicing.

    For the remaining fifty minutes, I usually read a book. So do most of the other bad swimmers. But coach Henry  doesn’t really like that.

    So we end up just sitting there freezing in our wet bathing suits.

    Halfway through the practice the coach gives all the good swimmers a five minute break. During that break all they do is really talk. But Jessie has found a new way to have fun during breaks. If I’m swimming during the break she will watch me and yell things like, “Come on Julia hustle, hustle, hustle!” and “Julia, my grandmother swims faster than you!”

               Okay back to reality.

               I put on my swimsuit and look in the mirror.

               All my other bathing suits are in the wash so I have to wear last year’s one. I think it spend one too many times in the wash because it is a little baggy.

               I can guarantee that Jessie will make fun of it and call me fat.

               I through some clothes over my swimsuit and run downstairs.

               “Julia, yesterday I ran into Mrs.Stewert. I didn’t know that Jessie was on the swim team with you. So we are going to carpool from now on. They will be here to pick you up in five minutes.”

               Yay.

                                                     

    Beep! The Stewert's Car Sounded  and I         ran out to their mini van and opened the door to the backseat.

               "Hi Julia, how are you?" Mrs. Stewert asked me.

                 She is so nice. It's really hard to believe that Jessie is related to her. 

                "I'm good thank you."  

               "So Julia, did you get the  answer to problem nine on the science homework?" Jessie asked me.

                   I am taking mostly  advanced classes this year. Jessie isn't really that great of a student though so she doesn't take any. But I am very bad at science there for I am in the lower class.

            “Sorry, I haven’t started it yet.” I replied.

               That was a lie. I did it first thing when I came home. I know that Jessie is just going to copy off whatever I said.

               “Well girls here we are!” Jessie’s mother said.

               “Bye, Mrs. Stewert. Thank you for the ride!” I told her.

               Then I went inside to face an hour of utter torture.

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