♥Mariko♥

Warning: This whole thing is long as hell. So sorry for it being so long.

Well... basically my friends ***** at me all the time for not hanging out with them. So I just switched schools this year, so I'm going to a new highschool but I still take 2 classes at my old highschool. My new highschool is much harder than my old one, and I didn't really have many friends who were also going to the new highschool with me. Right now I am taking 2 college course classes, so I do have a lot more homework than I normally would if I stayed at my old highschool.

So when I have free time, I choose to spend it with my boyfriend instead of my friends. I don't tell my friends I hang out with him because they always make me feel bad for wanting to hang out with him, therefore I make up excuses for not hanging out with them.

So my friends Patrick and Lizzie always hang out with... Philip. Philip and I used to be good friends, he's also my ex, but now I honestly can't stand hanging out with him. He insults my boyfriend whenever he's mentioned in conversation (saying stuff like "I will snap his neck if I see him") and it doesn't make me feel good when he says that ****. My boyfriend is also uncomfortable with me hanging out with him, so I refrain from doing it. But my friends Patrick and Lizzie are ALWAYS hanging out with him, so I can't really hang out with them when they're already with Philip.

I have already told Patrick that I do not want to hang out with Philip anymore, and we ended up getting into an argument with him insulting my boyfriend and saying how my boyfriend won't be there for me after highschool and how he thinks my boyfriend is trying to change me and ****.

Patrick also thinks he has the right to tell me what I can and can't do apparently because after I got the courage to tell him I wanted to go to North Dakota with my boyfriend over the weekend, he responded with a "No, you can't do that! You have to hang out with us!" Another time is when I hugged this guy he hates (Patrick is gay and him and this guy had a fight or something) and he told me that I couldn't hug that guy anymore because he hates him. So Patrick feels he has the right to dictate my life I guess.

So today I get a txt from Lizzie asking me to "explain myself" for not going to Philip's Halloween party that's coming up, and I told her that my boyfriend's birthday party is the same day. After I explained some stuff to her she seemed cool about it. But then Patrick IMs me on Facebook and asks me why I'm not going, and I tell him and he responds with "..."

Seriously, it's my boyfriend's ******* BIRTHDAY PARTY. Why the **** wouldn't I go to it? Why would I choose a Halloween party over my boyfriend's birthday? What the **** is so hard to understand about that? I already clearly ******* expressed my dislike for Philip, but it seems like I'm not allowed to have opposing opinions, therefore that went unheard by ******* Patrick who seems he can tell me whatever the **** he wants to. Some ******* friends I have.

They don't realize that they stress me out constantly with their bitching and ****, and that doesn't make me want to hang out with them. They're pushing me away by getting pissed. I would hang out with them, but they're always with ******* Philip.

I don't know, I feel that this may end up in me having to choose either my friends or my boyfriend because Patrick already told me that they're not going to stop hanging with Philip. I know this doesn't sound right, but I'm choosing my boyfriend over them. I feel like they're not true friends because they're always getting mad at me for even wanting to express hanging out with my boyfriend and they don't respect my opinions and choices.

I think some of it may be because one of our close friends just recently committed suicide in June, so maybe Patrick feels like he's losing me as a friend if I stop hanging out with them, so maybe he's afraid of losing a second friend. I don't know.

Anyways, I really don't know who to talk to about this. I'm just sick and tired of being bitched at all the time, and it's stressing me out. I know I should talk to my friends about this, but to be honest... I feel intimidated when it comes to expressing my opinion against Patrick, so I don't know what to do... This was kinda more like a rant, because I'm not sure what I'm quite asking help for...

Sorry this was so long, but anyone have any advise whatsoever? Like on how to deal with my annoying *** friends? Should I... end my friendship with them? Are they even being good friends? Or is it I who's making the mistakes? Should I be blaming myself? If anyone could answer any of these questions, that'd be great. Thanks!

Well I just got an iPod touch for my birthday yesterday and so I plugged it in today and tried going to iTunes, but my iTunes won't open because it says my Bonjour Service is disabled? The message told me it's basically required for an iPod touch and stuff. So it told me to go to Administrative tools, then under that go to Services where I tried starting up Bonjour Service.

So I tried starting up Bonjour Service, but it says it couldn't start because it wouldn't respond to the service in a timely fashion? Wtf does that mean?

What do I do? :( Please help!

Sorry, but this is a bit long...

Okay, well, the other day my boyfriend was giving me a massage, and I had my shirt and bra off during it. Well during it, my step dad came down and caught us. After that, my boyfriend was worried and saying "I bet your parents hate me now..." He also kept saying "It's fine if we can't hang out anymore..."

My mom came down at midnight and told me I had to go to bed in my room that night (he was sleeping over). Right before I went up there, I asked him for a good night kiss, and when we kissed it felt like he didn't really put any effort into it, like it was just me kissing him and he didn't really try kissing back.

The next morning he had to leave early for church and when we hugged good bye, it was an awkward sort of hug... A very loose hug sorta, not tight. He patted me on the back sorta awkwardly. Well before the whole step dad walking in on us thing, we had plans to go to the state fair together, and later that day when I txted him asking if he was still coming, he said he had family problems to deal with.

I found out that was true because I looked at his Facebook profile and I saw that his cousin said "it was great seeing you today." I txted him asking what's up after that, hoping to keep the conversation going, all he said was "nm just doing stuff. sorry if i dont reply right away... im kinda busy right now."

So this morning, I txted him asking if he wanted to hang out because it's the last day of summer and school is tomorrow, and I'm going to a new school so we won't see each other much except for weekends, and he never replied...

Feeling sad, I just told my best friend Sami (who I was with all day today) and I also told my friends Dylan and Alex. They all tried txting him, and he didn't reply to them either. But then Sami tried calling him for me, and he answered, but she said it sounded like he was in a crowded place, because she hung up right after he answered.

So... maybe he was just busy today? As far as I know he hasn't gone school supplies shopping yet because we've spent almost every day this summer together.

I also thought about txting him later tonight and confronting him about it, saying something like "Can I ask you something?" And if he does reply, I'll be straight forward and ask, "You don't wanna break up with me, do you? :("

So, should I ask him about it? Does it sound like he's going to break up with me? Or am I just over thinking and over reacting? Please help :(