dark_ivy

Just wanting a little perspective on a situation as I don't want to look like an idiot or offend anyone! Basically I am 31, single, and have a huge crush on my vet. We get on well when I take my pets to see him and I just think he is a really amazing guy. He doesn't wear a ring, and I am fairly sure he isn't married although I am too shy to ask outright. I am thinking of sending him a card, with a subtle hint that it is from me. Is this a good idea? I don't know for definite that he is single and I wouldn't want to cause any trouble if he isn't. If I send it to his work, and he isn't interested or isn't single then no harm done?

Having done some research I think my Fiance might has Aspergers, but wondered what anyone else thought, or if anyone knows someone with similar symptoms?

- he is completely obsessed and fixated on one subject (guitar music), it is all he talks about, and all he wants to do.

- he does a lot of strange movements at inappropriate moments, for example he is always doing karate chops in the air, even when in the middle of a conversation, and he walks along kicking trees etc like a child

- he chooses very strange clothes combinations, like wearing clashing colours or picking out garish shoes (not sure if this is relevant but think I read somewhere that it was a symptom)

- he never shows emotion (happy, sad etc)

- he does not seem to understand if I am upset or emotional, for example I can be crying/shouting and he will just ignore me, or just carry on like nothing has happened.

- he gets angry very easily over silly things and cannot be reasoned with.

- he will talk and talk about music (the obsession) and even if I then ignore him he still carries on regardless, has no idea that I am not interested. He also starts talking about music when we are out with friends in the middle of a completely different conversation which people think is very odd.

- he is not interested in making friends, he would rather be alone with his guitar!

If it is Aspergers, what can I do to help? I know the above makes him sound bad but he isn't and I love him and want to help him.

Thanks

I have been with my Fiance for 2 years, we recently got engaged. He was previously married to a truly nasty spiteful woman, who beat him, scarred him, lost him his job, got him arrested etc and who he divorced last year. They have one 7 year old child. When they first split, he was allowed the child once a week. He then met me and once we decided it was serious I went out with him and the child one day to the play area. I got on great with the child, and we had a nice time. The ex wife phoned him that day and overheard that I was there with him. She went mental, screaming, shouting, swearing and saying he would never see the child again. At this point she didnt even know who I was so it wasn't personal she is just crazy. That was nearly 2 years ago. Since then she has refused access. If my fiance goes to her house to see the child she goes straight to a solicitor saying he is harassing them. If he calls she turns the phone off. We did briefly arrange a couple of hours access last year, she turned up, started screaming and shouting at me in public, in front of the child, caused a scene, then the next week we got a solicitor letter from her saying it is too traumatic for the child to see her father! All we did was turn up!

Anyway since she found out we were getting married she has gone to his parents screaming and saying the child is traumatised by having me as a step mother, that we cannot get married etc. She is trying to sabotage everything. She has said now that he can have access if he gets rid of me. I know she is never going to go away so I need to know how to cope with it! I am really worried that she will try and ruin our wedding too. I want to be step mother and do the right thing and get to know the child - the odd time she has been out with us she has got on great with me. I could understand it at least if I had split them up but I didn't. Is anyone else in a similar situation and how do you cope?