Hidayah

My mum hates almost every friend I've made in my life. She has pressured me into ending three of my friendships, just because she doesn't like how my friend looks like, or assumes they're a bad person just by meeting them once. This has made me not have many friends and now she blames me for not being friendly enough to have friends. She's a pretty judgmental person, and honestly, most of my friends are not "bad influences", I'm not even that "wild" myself. I mean, I'm 16 and and I rarely go out with friends when other girls my age probably hang out with their friends at least once a week. We had a talk about this, but this whole thing has been happening since primary school and I don't know why I still let her do this to me. How can I have friends when she just ends up hating them, and when I don't have friends she blames me for not being outgoing enough? Help me. I feel so alone and misunderstood.

It's good to think about others before us, I know, but what about ourselves? Must we just do things for others and let neglect our own confidence, need for time, etc? Is it okay to have self pity once in a while for ourselves?

I'm really scared to talk to people I'm not close to. I am not very close to many people so I can only comfortably talk to maybe four people out of all those I know. I'm even scared to take an order at a food court, talk to the hairdresser or send a text message. I'm fifteen and this has been going on for as long as I can remember.

I've read up on social anxiety on Wikipedia but I don't experience any of the physical symptoms listed there, I just get panicky and my heartbeat goes nuts when I have to make social contact with people I'm not familiar to. I don't want to tell my parents (or anyone at all, really) that I suspect I have social anxiety because they will get mad at me. Is this normal because I'm still growing up? Will it fade away just like that?

Or anxiety, OCD and the like. Why are there people who think it is cool to be depressed? I see more and more pictures of people self harming these days on the internet, I think it's quite.disrespectful, personal and very triggering. I know some people who harm themselves just because they think it's "cool" and it makes me kind of sad, really.

Just my views.

If you listen to them, which album of theirs do you like best?

So I've been looking for movies with soundtracks like Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Juno and Easy A.

Or movies which are focused on teens and music.

Please tell me if you know any, thanks :)

You know, that circus-y sound. I really don't know how to explain but you most likely know what I'm talking about. I guess the most "circus" sounding tracks on A Fever You Can't Sweat Out are Build God, Then We'll Talk, I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and But It's Better if You Do.

Okay I'm not saying this to spark attention I just want to know if this is normal.

So I worry about a lot of things but they have to do with other humans (I hope I make sense). When I talk to someone, no matter how close I am to them, it feels like I've said the wrong things at the wrong times and I've hurt their feelings in a way. I'm scared of people noticing me but when they do I try to please them as much as I can because I'm worried about how they would think of me and I always feel like I've not done enough. When people compliment my work, I feel like they are hinting what I'm missing. I've been told that I say sorry too much and that I should stop because it's annoying if I say it when it's not my fault but that just makes me say sorry more since they've already told me that it annoys them. Things like these have been happening since I was in primary school (around 8 or 9, perhaps, and I'm 15 this year). Is this behaviour normal? Should I not worry about how I worry all the time?

Sorry if it's too long.

It's crazy but I'm sort of tired of listening to the same bands over and over again. I'm fine with anything but probably won't take anything that's metal, blues, rock n' roll or R&B (if you think any band/artist/group of these genres are great and I would like them, hey, go for it). I'm into alternative, post-hardcore, metalcore, electronica, pop punk and experimental.

Here are some bands (and my favourite albums of theirs) I normally listen to, if it helps with the ~recommendations~:

All Time Low - So Wrong, It's Right

The Word Alive - Deceiver

Pierce the Veil - A Flair for the Dramatic

Paramore - Brand New Eyes

Panic! At the Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

blessthefall - Witness

Breathe Carolina - Hello Fascination

Mayday Parade - A Lesson in Romantics

You Me At Six - Hold Me Down

Thirty Seconds to Mars - This Is War

My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

Thank you :D