zach

Yes I do get really nervous around girls, especially strangers and girls that I'm attracted to. But even when hanging out with friends that I'm comfortable around, I just never have anything to say. The most I talk to people is always very short, straight to the point questions and statements. After the point is made, I just don't have anything more to say. The only real reason I like to hang out with people at all, is usually to drink, smoke, and play with toys (shooting guns, riding ATVs or jet skis, etc.) Ever since I was a kid, I've always been bewildered and fascinated by listening to people have a conversation, wondering where they come up with this stuff. I feel really bored by what people have to say and can barely comment on any of it, mainly because it all seems trivial and pointless, and I have to keep a lot of negative thoughts to myself. I have never really desired attention from others, except all the pretty girls. I once scored in the 1 percentile (no that's not a typo) out of my peers on a personality test from the mental health center. This has never really bothered me too much, except when it came to girls. Like I said earlier, I get really nervous around new people and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder around the age of 10. I'm not sure if the awkward silence is the main contributing factor to my anxiety, but it certainly doesn't help. When I'm trying to talk to a girl I like, my awkwardness, shyness, and lack of anything to say short of a greeting, it usually ends with her leaving being creeped out by me. So, throughout high school, I never had a girlfriend, and really just kept to myself, dreading even going, until I dropped out the end of my junior year. My physical attraction and desire for girls has always tormented me due to my inability to get a girlfriend. When I see a girl I like, I am always afraid of hitting on her, out of fear that she'll think I'm a pervert or something. That and, probably due to my glorious lack of a shred of experience, I never know what to say to let her know I like her without sounding like a twelve year old idiot. I finally started dating a coworkers sister after he introduced us, and she asked me out. We only dated about two months, because I couldn't stand to hear her speak. Sex was the only reason I was in the relationship. I would usually just stare at the wall or TV and try and drown out her babbling by focusing on music in my head until we went to bed. I felt extremely shallow and guilty the whole time, so I ended up breaking up with her. I feel that the main reason for this was the differences in our personalities. I wanted to care what she had to say, but just couldn't. I don't know if it was due to the intelligence gap between us or what. At any rate, I would love to be able to sit and talk to a girl for hours at a time, but I also feel I really only want a physical relationship. Any help or suggestions would be great...

I found this dead on my kitchen floor. I think it's a wolf spider but I'm not sure. The eye pattern: is

O O

O O

oooo

It's greyish tanish brown with no markings or patterns on it except black on the ends of the legs and orange fangs. It's also got fairly short hairs all over.