Gracie

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months. Previous to now, we had a lovely sex life. However this past month I practically have to beg him to have sex with me. He recently started taking zoloft, and he says since then he hasn't really been interested. It makes me feel so bad about myself. I have to beg and barter and when he finally consents, he is still not happy about. I'm not sure I can be with someone who has no interest in sex. He can't go off the zoloft so what do I do? Am I being mean? Would a good girlfriend just accept it? But how many times have you seen a guy dump a girl because she wouldn't put out? So why can't I? ahhh

I have suffered from major depression most of my life. I am now a junior in college and this year I just started my major program. I love my classes and I feel very fortunate to have been given this opportunity. However, I can't shake the feeling that I would just rather die. That although I enjoy what I'm doing, its really just not worth the effort.

A little background info: I have fought tooth and nail for my sanity. I have two previous suicide attempts and 6 inpatient stays at different psychiatric hospitals. I have been on medication for 5 years, which was recently altered last year due to another depressive episode. I am doing everything I know to do to survive. I maintain a routine even when I don't feel like, exercise, eat healthy, keep up with school, and see a psychiatrist and therapist; everything that a person is "supposed" to do. And most importantly, I'm not miserable. The way I feel now is NOTHING like it has been in the past. So why do I want to die? Will I ever be able to shake this disorder. My gut tells me I need to go back to the hospital, just to keep myself safe, but I really don't want to miss school or pay the hefty medical bills. I just want to live my life like a normal person.

Any advice?