miasmas

So I ve masturbated probably more than fairly regularly for at least 15 years, probably closer to 20. I go through periods where it takes longer to get off (and hour to two) or when I can be pretty fast.

But lately I haven t been able to get off at all. I still have an incredibly high drive, and I get into it like usual, and I do the same things that have worked for years but suddenly they don t feel as good. I can sometimes still get going, but it feels almost impossible to finish.

I took breaks, I tried edging, but nothing has worked. The only thing I can think of that might be affecting me is my ADHD which sometimes makes it hard to focus on something instead of bouncing between random thoughts constantly; but again, it hasn t really stopped me in the past.

I m extremely frustrated and nearing desperation. Could something physically be affecting me? (I do have PCOS.) I just can t figure out why it seems like my body has stopped responding for no reason, and why my drive hasn t gone with it.

any ideas on anything that can be done? I have no irl people to rely on except a neglectful family, who I am dependent on because I can't hold a job. I have 0 income and don't qualify for any insurance, so any kind of doctors won't help. There are no free clinics nearby. I can't figure out any alternative options to either being in pain forever or just killing myself. is there ANYTHING else?

i hurt constantly and I keep feeling sad and hopeless and I hate myself more and more. sometimes I can feel moderately okay or just not sad and I don t want to die, but I can t figure out how to get help. I have no money and no insurance, my family ignores me, and my friends have too much to deal with for me to burden and sometimes they ignore me too. I try to do the self help things I read about but I lose my energy and motivation. I don t really think there is any option for me except to kill myself or I ll just be hurting badly forever.

My periods have been irregular since I had them, and as I got older they did sort of form a pattern that s like 3 weeks of bleeding > two week break > bleeding again, but even this is irregular as the time between bleeding actually fluctuates, once only leaving me 3 days, and sometimes the days bleeding can be lesser or more.

Anyway, I went to the doctor for years and she sort of threw some ideas at me, ran some tests which all came back negative, and nothing really fixed it. Even going on birth control didn t totally regulate it.

I am not off insurance and frankly can t spare the money for a doctors OR a gyno visit now, and there are no PPs nearby.

Are there any suggestions of what could be causing this? Anyone have any similar experience?

I can't afford to go to a doctor, but I'm just looking for a possible explanation.

The pain is in the area of my foot directly beneath my big toes. It usually is in only one foot at a time, and isn't always there, but its been off-and-on for a few months.

The pain generally feels like a bruise or even a lightly strained muscle, but due to how long its been there and the fact that its not consistent, I figure it can't be either of those things.

I don't walk hardly at all (sedentary home job,) and I don't have any known conditions that could contribute to this. Any ideas?

I just finished Shiki and bawled my eyes out... I really want something like it: dark, emotional, and makes me think. Any one of those things are good though. I have already seen:

Black Butler

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni

Deadman Wonderland

Mirai Nikki

Angel Beats

Kara no Kyoukai

Elfen Lied

Code Geass

Thanks!!

Ok so I am planning on getting a used one because I want a decent phone but I can't afford a data package. I prefer Samsung (LG is a no) and all it really needs to have is a texting keypad (and I don't really like touch screens.) Any ideas on what phone I should be looking for?

I know a few sites, but I don't know if they have the show, or if they do but don't have it dubbed. Is there a site that for sure has it? What are some good dub sites?

And can I find it mobile too, possibly?

I need a list of words, one word for each letter of the alphabet, like "A- attack, b- believe, c- catastrophe," etc. I'm doing this for a yaoi fan fiction I'm writing, so if you could throw in some "suggestive" words, it would be awesome :3

It's just something I kind of came up with on the spot for a blog...but how is it?

I know they're not lyrics, I was just short on characters...

What if all I am, is a stray thought, crossing my own mind?

What if the scars, that decorate my arm, aren't mine?

What if all I know, isn't the truth, but another version if the same lie?

Tearing at my heart

Tearing at my soul

What if I'm not real?

What if I don't know?

The securities of life that we take for granted

Can all be lost in a single moment of madness

An idea that is planted will take root and grow

Spreading like a cancer, never letting go

And a stray thought possesses my being

What if all I see, isn't what I'm seeing?

What if all I learned, is just a fabrication?

What if all I am...is just a figment of my own imagination?

I looked through some forums, but they were too large and confusing for me ^_^ but I I want to try it maybe over e-mails or yahoo! chat, maybe with a hand-full of others. I also have no particular character I really want to roleplay, so I'll choose according to whatever someone else wants to do. My e-mail, if aanyone is interested, is bobinmyfinger@gmail.com

I also wouldn't mind if anyone simply suggested maybe a smaller group you are already doing or something, if you wouldn't mind me joining.

I cut my heart open, and the blood flows down my cheeks

The looks at me through the glass, whispering;

'you deserve the pain, you deserve to bleed.

Who are you to decide who you are?

You are no one, nothing, not even me'

I cut my arm open, to feel suffering flee

She looks at me through the glass, and screams;

'Look at these scars, this is what you deserve to be!

Who are you to decide deception from reality?

All you are is a lie, all you have are empty dreams'

I stitch my heart shut, and smile for them all to see

She looks at me through the glass, and breathes;

'thats right, you don't deserve their pity; roll down those sleeves.

Who are you that you shouldn't cry alone?

You're weak, nothing but a broken toy that no one needs'

I cut myself open to prove to her that I can be free

Yandere being a character seemingly sweet or normal and going ballistically insane later; usually female, but not always.

Even some shows with characters who are epically insane will do (like Hellsing or Trigun.)

The yandere one I know of are: Higurashi, Mirai Nikki, and Elfen Lied.

Thanks!

I already know Bleach, Angel Beats, and InuYasha, I'm just curious as to what other types of shows involve reincarnation. As for ghosts, I know Another, Asura Cryin, and Bleach again ^_^ can you suggest me some?

Like No.6, Monochrome Factor, UraBoku, and Kyou Kara Maoh. I've seen all the outright boy x boy Yaoi's, so I'm looking for shows that slightly imply or even have something a crazed fangirl might twist into a romance (like Hinata and Otonashi from Angel Beats or Lelouch and Suzaku in Code Geass. Or in Black Butler, etc. etc.)

1: Favorite anime right now?

2: Favorite manga right now?

3: Favorite overall anime?

4: Favorite overall manga?

5: Favorite male and female characters?

6: Favorite pairings, if any?

7: Least favorite characters?

8: Least favorite pairings?

9: If you could choose one character to meet in real life, who would it be?

10: What do you think is the BEST overall manga/anime series that you've seen?

The vultures od society come

To pick us off, one by one

They circle overhead

'Till the next of us drops dead

The corruption of a nation

Came like an infestation

Words spoken like venom

Poisoned the and

Now we, all who survived

Live as outcasts, waiting to die

But our will, our pride will not give in

And so, the healthy serve as fodder for the sick.

I know, it needs work; and I don't even know what it means, the words just came to me. I just want others opinions on it, as I usually write lyrics and not poems.

I don't care about what it is, so long as the lyrics felt powerful to you (either made you feel sad, make you think, or have a clear purpose, ect.) I would like a band that has a message they want to speak. I don't care about the message, so long as they are going for that and not fame, fortune, or just cause they're good at it. I fell in love with Otep's lyrics, message, and style, and I would love something similar, though any genres good for me.

I have no clue about any of it. All I know is I'm a Scorpio. Some one thought I might be a triple Scorpio, whatever that is. Would someone explain what this stuff is and how to figure out what I am?

I guess stuff like Tokyo Mew Mew and Sailor Moon. List as many as you can think of!!