i wrote this myself and many at my school like it. i was just wondering on your opinions...
A Time to Remember
With sand
Gently sifting
Between our
Open palms
And sand
Deeply wedged
Between our
Feet and toes
We remembered
The times
We spent
On this
Very beach
Flirting,
Splashing,
Simply
Listening
Listening
To the
Drone of
The waves
Listening
To the
Beating of
Our hearts
Listening
To the
Innermost part
Of our souls
Knowing
Someday,
This would
All end
rainbowunweaver2002
Favorite Answer
I think it is good because it is graphic, shows details that can be visualized and which belong to each other; the only jarring element is 'the innermost part of our souls' because there you have left your own pictures and, although not deliberately, used a cliché.
Your poem is much better than the one that follows oin one of the answers - by far.
toma_calin86
it is nice. I don't know your age, but it shows some maturity of your soul. as a beginner poet, you have done very well. now, if I may show off, here is something I wrote a couple hours ago. you are, I think, the first to see it. Here it goes:
Lovers’ dreams
Night shares a lot of dreams
To those struck by moon’s shiny beams.
Dreams of love,
Brought by a small white dove.
Dreams of the great red rose,
In front of which time froze.
Dreams of raging fire,
Of a lover’s burning desire.
Lovers afar
Are brought together by the wish upon a star.
Dreamers walk through the hall of time,
Until the dawn’s first chime.
tell me what you think of it
dejasbluemonkey
i like
Daisy®
I like it, it's good. You're pretty talented.
mudassir f
hey its lovely, i like it.